Boyfriend's debt

ms_london

doitmyself wrote: »

Hi
Without being overly sceptical how do you know it's 'only' £61k? He managed to miss out a whole £36k last time, could be £91, couldn't it?. In any event that's a lot of debt, I mean fact not judgement, - and nothing except an old car and an old tv to show for it??!!
Something not quite right there honey. How old is he? What's his job? How much does he earn? (etc. etc.) I don't wanna know, but I seriously think you do...

And whatever you do, please, please, please do not "take on" any of your boyfriend's debts!!!

doitmyself

ms_london wrote: »

And whatever you do, please, please, please do not "take on" any of your boyfriend's debts!!!

Agree 1 thousand percent with this comment, and with good reason too I can tell you! I'm a guy but do share any thoghts or concerns you have with the girlies on here. Their guys all owe +£100k anyway, so they're well placed to help

olibearhorse

ts_aly2000 wrote: »

Bankcruptcy! That's what I did with mine. Worked out rather well in the end. £65k gone and I can answer my own telephone again.

perhaps the last resort!

biglad

To be honest im not sure how things can be kept from your partner, especially for that amount of money. I am dislexic and my girlfriend helped me sort all things out and she knows how much i have in debt. I agree with other people, how do you know he is telling the truth now, and 60 odd thousand is a lot of money, i really think you need to know where this money has gone. I spose around 20k can be down to over spending, shopping etc, but 60k is a huge amount

sorry to sound like a negative person but i just dont like liars and a lot of men treat women with disrespect cos they take advantage of the fact the woman loves them

Horico

ooh, my first post...

different personality types will find it easier / more difficult to talk about the debt for differing reasons.

Is your other half the naturally confident, outgoing type that has the gift of the gab or someone who is pretty quiet, introverted and non offensive (there is a sliding scale of course). You might assume that the first person may be hiding things as they tend to feel in control of their situation even if they're not. The other type of person may genuinely be ashamed of the debt that they've built up and feels that if you were to know, you would judge them anyway.

If you really do know how much debt there is now, the best thing to do is talk about the reasons without getting hurt or offended, just understand for now then you can then decide what you want to do. It may help your other half to feel a lot better about their debt and move on....

We are all very different in our opinions so you need to make up your own mind on it.

Imelda

Hi there,

Why don't you ask him to get a credit report so that you can see what he owes and whether he has been missing payments. Also, I found it hard keeping track of £10,000 worth of debt so he may have "forgotten" about something.
Someone should be able to tell you where you can get one free/ with Quidco cashback...

olibearhorse

Martin explains how to get your free credit report under his credit rating section. I did it and found it extremely useful!

Toto

You said he gambled to make up his wages, and he has nothing to show for a lot of debt. Could he not actually have a gambling addiction which needs sorting out? I would look into that too because sorting out the money without the gambling won't help him or you at all.

olibearhorse

Well now that he doesn't have a credit card, he doesn't gamble any more, just follows form for pleasure so thankfully I don't think I have a compulsive gambler as a boyfriend but fair point!

southwester_2

I have read this post with interest and as a few know on here i racked up £27000 mainly through gambling. This sounds very similar to me, reading between the lines, I may be wrong of course.

It is hard enough to admit to partner about debt after lying, which I did for 2 years, but I agree with the above comments, you need to get a report and sit him down and ask him if his gambling is the problem, it was for me and once I admitted it myself, it was huge relief, now 5 weeks since last bet and doing ok.

As for following form for pleasure, sorry but that wont work, he has to completely dis-associate himself with everything that goes with gambling.

Good luck!