Boyfriend's debt

olibearhorse

tosco12 wrote: »

Id bin him he is a liar never mind all this rubbish about not wanting to lose you, comittments are borne on honesty and he is nowhere near honest, when will he do it again ?

........of course there is that way of looking at it!

I guess I am naturally a forgiving person

Tigger81

tosco12 wrote: »

Id bin him he is a liar never mind all this rubbish about not wanting to lose you, comittments are borne on honesty and he is nowhere near honest, when will he do it again ?

Mmm...that's what I'm afraid of...guess I've got some thinking to do

ZTD

tosco12 wrote: »

Id bin him he is a liar never mind all this rubbish about not wanting to lose you, comittments are borne on honesty and he is nowhere near honest, when will he do it again ?

Well that depends if there is a pattern of deceit.

Tigger81

ZTD wrote: »

Well that depends if there is a pattern of deceit.

As far as I'm aware there isn't in any other part of his life...he's just hidden this for many years. Do you think that means he could be honest from now on? Thanks by the way!

ZTD

Tigger81 wrote: »

As far as I'm aware there isn't in any other part of his life...he's just hidden this for many years. Do you think that means he could be honest from now on? Thanks by the way!

Then it is probable - though you'd know better than me - that it is not part of a pattern, and he is not a habitual liar.

A leopard may not change its spots - but neither does it have only one...

wannasavemoney

If he has been deceiving you for years and letting you pay for all the bills - in my book that is very selfish and I think straight away, the only way you can begin to rebuild your trust is if he willingly lets you see and go through his papers with him. This should be done on a regular basis, probably monthly. If you stay with him and support him, then they are your debts also and the least you can expect is full honesty from now on.

Tigger81

wannasavemoney wrote: »

If he has been deceiving you for years and letting you pay for all the bills - in my book that is very selfish and I think straight away, the only way you can begin to rebuild your trust is if he willingly lets you see and go through his papers with him. This should be done on a regular basis, probably monthly. If you stay with him and support him, then they are your debts also and the least you can expect is full honesty from now on.

Thanks, that's a good idea. I have asked him to get paper statements from everyone which he says he's going to do...so I'll guess I'll see how much he is being honest if these materialise

fatbelly

I'm a CAB adviser. If couples are living together I prefer to see them together where possible, even if most (all) the debts are in one name.

Any chance of you going with him to his appointment? If he doesn't like the idea, you are free to draw your own conclusions...

ms_london

It may also have been a case of he didnt really know how much debt he was in. I always thought mine was around 15,000 - but infact 19,000!! Although that is a hell of a lot of difference in your boyfs case.

Perhaps bankcruptcy may be an option - but where does this leave you in terms of getting a mortgage? Could you afford it just in your name? And would this mean payments to his ex (child support) are stopped? If so, then thats hardly fair - why should she suffer (or you for that matter). But if he has no assets, its one option.

doitmyself

Tigger81 wrote: »

My boyfriend told me when he first moved in with me that he was £25,000 in debt.

Last week I mentioned about maybe looking to see if we could get a mortgage together and after a bit of an argument he finally admitted that he had hidden a lot more debt from me. He seems to have finally faced things and worked out now that his debt is actually £61,000

Hi
Without being overly sceptical how do you know it's 'only' £61k? He managed to miss out a whole £36k last time, could be £91, couldn't it?. In any event that's a lot of debt, I mean fact not judgement, - and nothing except an old car and an old tv to show for it??!!
Something not quite right there honey. How old is he? What's his job? How much does he earn? (etc. etc.) I don't wanna know, but I seriously think you do...