Boyfriend's debt

Tigger81

I'm sorry if this isn't the right forum for this...everyone seems really helpful here so I thought I would ask!

I was just wondering if anyone has been in the same position as me or my boyfriend or if anyone has any thoughts on this...I'm pretty confused!

My boyfriend told me when he first moved in with me that he was £25,000 in debt. We looked at all his finances together and he sorted out re-payments and I agreed to pay bills so that he could pay the debt off quicker. Up until last week I believed that he had cut the debt down to £18,000 and I was so proud of him for confronting the problem and dealing with it.

Last week I mentioned about maybe looking to see if we could get a mortgage together and after a bit of an argument he finally admitted that he had hidden a lot more debt from me. He seems to have finally faced things and worked out now that his debt is actually £61,000 - reduced from over £70,000 in the first place.

I don't really know what to do, I feel like he has broken the trust I had in him and I can't believe all the lies he has told me. I can't believe he has let me pay for so much without telling me (although guess I was stupid to agree to this). He has promised me that that really is it now, no more lies and I think I believe him, but how do I know if this will happen again? He is being really proactive now, he has an appointment with the CAB (he lied about going before) and is writing to his creditors. He says he is doing everything to get my trust back.

Also, I just can't get my head around how much money that is. He has a basic car and a TV but nothing else that could explain the debt. He says it has built up by living beyond his means for many years.

I'm really sorry for moaning but I would really appreciate anyone's thoughts about this. Thank you! xxx

[Deleted User]

for a male point of view, he was probably asshamed and thought he could repay the fully amount with you helping with the bills. I dont think he ment to hurt or lie to you, but male pride can be just as bad as woman sometimes.

my gf doesnt know the full extent of my debt, I dont want her to walkaway !

olibearhorse

sky190176 wrote: »

for a male point of view, he was probably asshamed and thought he could repay the fully amount with you helping with the bills. I dont think he ment to hurt or lie to you, but male pride can be just as bad as woman sometimes.

my gf doesnt know the full extent of my debt, I dont want her to walkaway !

from a female point of view, I do actually agree with you Sky. He has clearly tried to be honest but just a little distant from the whole truth which he has probably found hard to come to terms with himself.

It's got to be your decision but being in debt is soul destroying ( I know because my bf was/is terribly in debt but he was honest and we are dealing with it, for which I am proud of him) so if you genuinely think he is being honest with you now, he could probably really do with your support?

I guess it also comes down to how much you want to be him but I understand you must feel really betrayed so take some time to think it all through.

Good luck!

Tigger81

Good to have a male and a female perspective! I guess I haven't really thought about how much he could be ashamed to tell me. Thank you very much for your thoughts

olibearhorse

pleasure and good luck with it all.

You know where we are if you need to chat! x

Tigger81

Thank you!

olibearhorse

Tigger81 wrote: »

He is being really proactive now, he has an appointment with the CAB (he lied about going before) and is writing to his creditors. He says he is doing everything to get my trust back.

My boyfriend found the CCCS extremely helpful - just a thought if the CAB can't help. He can talk privately to the CCCS over the phone. I can't praise them enough.

Tigger81

Oooh just found their website...they look really good. Glad I came on here now as I'd never heard of them, thanks! Do you mind if I ask how you found out about your boyfriend's debt? Sorry, you don't have to answer that, I know that's a bit personal especially as I've only known you for a few posts!

olibearhorse

it's not personal at all and of course I don't mind.

We have been together for 6 years and to be fair, his wife had left him and took his little boy etc. etc so maintenance/mortgage and then taking me out....just piled up his credit cards.

We have always been very open with money but he never really sat down and totalled it all up, just gambled on the horses to add to his salary to be able to afford to pay his creditors. :eek:

He started to get really stressed about it, and understandably so did I which is when I discovered Martin Lewis and this site. I read loads about it and there seemed to be light at the end of the tunnel after all.

He called the CCCS and they told him to quote a reference from them and start to only pay £1 until a Debt Management Plan was in place. He did get calls and letters from his creditors but over a few months they all slipped away and now everyone has accepted their 'token payment' from him. I think he now pays £120 a month for 25 years but this is reviewed yearly so if he earns more he can pay more and the debt will be cleared sooner.

The CCCS are so nice and very calming - highly recommended.

xx

tosco12

Id bin him he is a liar never mind all this rubbish about not wanting to lose you, comittments are borne on honesty and he is nowhere near honest, when will he do it again ?

Tigger81

Thank you for telling me and thank you so much for all your advice, I feel so much calmer now and am thinking more clearly. Will sleep better tonight xxx