So obsessed with retirement that I'm finding it hard to live for today

Lois_and_CK

I've been arguing with CK lately because I want to sell our house and move somewhere smaller. I reckon if we do this then we could release around £80-90k equity which I want to put in savings/investments and leave to grow in order to allow us to retire earlier or at least part-retire (we're both 39), say early 50s. CK doesn't want to move - he likes the size of the house, reckons we're lucky to live there, likes the area and doesn't want the hassle of starting over again with decorating another house. However he complains pretty much daily about work and I find it frustrating that he doesn't want to grab this opportunity to change our lives.

We've been in debt until recently, and we've wasted a lot of years of potential savings already. Although we are saving hard now and I think we'll still be able to retire before 60, we've got a lot of catching up to do and I desperately want out of full-time work.

We both work in full-time jobs that we've worked hard to get, and the jobs we do are challenging and busy. I'm also doing a degree part time which I study for in lunch breaks, evenings and weekends. As well, we both get up early and going to the gym first thing before work. Weekends are spent washing, tidying, studying and bulk cooking for the week because we don't have time to cook in the evenings. I find our pace of life relentless and exhausting, and I'm wishing my life away. I'm obsessed with holidays and early retirement. I have apps on my phone counting down the days until holidays that I've got booked. I have this year's and next year's holidays booked already, and I've started planning 2014's holidays. As well, I'm always reading books about retirement - how to plan and finance retirement, as well as books aimed at people already retired with ideas for hobbies and so on.

CK thinks it's normal to work hard until a certain age and then retire as everyone else does. He doesn't get why we should be any different. I'm finding it very difficult to be objective about it and see things from his point of view. Equally he's struggling to understand my point of view. As it is, I've given up going to the gym as I can't cope with the pace, and I'm worried the lack of exercise and stress is having a detrimental effect on my health and I won't be healthy enough or around long enough to enjoy early retirement!

Someone at work the other day commented on how unusual it is for someone my age to have so meticulously planned out their retirement (I even know what hobbies I'm going to take up and what my future dog will be called).

I don't really know why I've posted, but I thought other people who are planning their retirements might help give me a kick up the backside.

CLAPTON

why do you think that you can invest 80k to get a better return in 15 years that the likely increase in house prices?

and I would suggest you try to improve the quality of your everyday life so you start to fully enjoy it.

richbeth

Hi,
I think many of us struggle with this especially as we get older, my wife and I certainly have the same feelings from time to time and we're in our mid forties.

Please don’t take this the wrong way but it really sounds like you are unhappy with your current work-life balance, ask yourself are you focusing on retirement as a utopia where you have all the time (and money ?) to do the things you want.

Full time work, gym, part-time degree you are cramming a lot into 16/17 hours a day and at some point something has got to give, the question is surely "what ?". Maybe you could do some sessions with a life coach to try and identify what would help improve your satisfaction with the here and now whilst also reveiweng long term goals. (Just because it's 'normal' to work until retirement doesn't mean it's right for you).

From your original post it sounds like the issue is time rather than money so ask yourself would the downsize really make a difference to that ? Maybe an option would be to look at how you free your time up so you have relaxing time together as a couple or try and break the cycle, e.g. If you can afford it maybe save a bit less (or change your spending habits) but get a cleaner to free up your weekends or look to change jobs to one which is more rewarding, take a break from the studying during the summer when the days are longer and you can do something pleasant in the evenings or maybe set yourself a different target which is more medium term e.g. paying off the mortgage.

FWIW when my wife and I went through a similar phase we made some changes which made a difference one of these was for her to become self employed which was a risk but it seems to have paid off. She has more flexibility over working and it turned out well financially

On a purely financial level remember that you benefit from leverage when having a home and mortgage so once house prices eventually start rising again you may find that the gain outstrips the investments made from downsizing and investing.

Good luck,
[FONT=&quot]Richard
[/FONT]

hugheskevi

Not sure why you would want to sell house to retire early? As and when you do retire you can downshift then to realise funds, so I would be moving for other reasons than realising retirement funds.

It is very good that you have planned retirement in detail - there is little point in retiring early if you don't have a good idea of what you are going to do to avoid boredom (which everything I have read is a real risk - those who enjoy early retirement from work most seem to be those who have clear plans to keep active doing things they enjoy).

Personally I plan to retire very early, and would say that a shared understanding with spouse is essential otherwise there are going to be major issues in the future. I found that my spouse had no plans (not unexpected) but when I outlined mine, adapted with a few things that she wanted to do, she was happy enough to go along with it...so maybe you can get him to think about what he would do differently, then it might be of greater interest.

Discussing where you might choose to live in the future is a decent start, as then you start to weigh up the pros and cons of living near big green spaces vs near a city, etc, which naturally leads to consideration of what you would want to do in retirement.

May be different for you, but I've found most people simply disbelieve that retiring many years before what they perceive as normal is actually possible, as they find it hard to envisage things more than about 5-10 years away. Until I demonstrate that I have very realistic and clear plans, many folk generally just generally dismiss such things as pipe dreams. Perhaps working out a few intermediate steps between now and retirement might help to make it all a bit more real?

xylophone

Explore the possibility of flexible working hours so that you can take at least one day off a month.

You don't need the gym - why not just go swimming for an hour on Saturday morning and take a half hour walk together every evening after supper?

Planning for retirement is all very well but you need to live today.

jamesd

What are the costs of the house? Any mortgage? Your'e quite close to 55 so one option might be an interest only mortgage then repaying out of the pension commencement lump sum some time from age 55. That'd get the repayment money invested and doing more for your wealth than just saving mortgage interest - like getting tax relief on the repayment money.

xylophone

Your'e quite close to 55

:eek:They are only 39!

penrhyn

Have you got a pension pot then OP. If you want a pension of 20,000 /year you'll need a pot of around £400,000.

Lois_and_CK

richbeth wrote: »

Please don’t take this the wrong way but it really sounds like you are unhappy with your current work-life balance, ask yourself are you focusing on retirement as a utopia where you have all the time (and money ?) to do the things you want.

Full time work, gym, part-time degree you are cramming a lot into 16/17 hours a day and at some point something has got to give, the question is surely "what ?". Maybe you could do some sessions with a life coach to try and identify what would help improve your satisfaction with the here and now whilst also reveiweng long term goals. (Just because it's 'normal' to work until retirement doesn't mean it's right for you).

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

Yes, you're right - I'm starting to realise that something needs to give. Thanks for your suggestions and also sharing your own experiences (and also the good luck wishes).

Lois_and_CK

hugheskevi wrote: »

Not sure why you would want to sell house to retire early? As and when you do retire you can downshift then to realise funds, so I would be moving for other reasons than realising retirement funds.

It is very good that you have planned retirement in detail - there is little point in retiring early if you don't have a good idea of what you are going to do to avoid boredom (which everything I have read is a real risk - those who enjoy early retirement from work most seem to be those who have clear plans to keep active doing things they enjoy).

Personally I plan to retire very early, and would say that a shared understanding with spouse is essential otherwise there are going to be major issues in the future. I found that my spouse had no plans (not unexpected) but when I outlined mine, adapted with a few things that she wanted to do, she was happy enough to go along with it...so maybe you can get him to think about what he would do differently, then it might be of greater interest.

Discussing where you might choose to live in the future is a decent start, as then you start to weigh up the pros and cons of living near big green spaces vs near a city, etc, which naturally leads to consideration of what you would want to do in retirement.

May be different for you, but I've found most people simply disbelieve that retiring many years before what they perceive as normal is actually possible, as they find it hard to envisage things more than about 5-10 years away. Until I demonstrate that I have very realistic and clear plans, many folk generally just generally dismiss such things as pipe dreams. Perhaps working out a few intermediate steps between now and retirement might help to make it all a bit more real?

I thought that if we sold the house now, the equity realised could be invested/saved and left to grow into a bigger pot of money over the years. I thought we'd end up with more money doing it that way, rather than selling our house at retirement because even though our current house will (probably) have grown in value, so will the smaller house we downsize to. Am I thinking this through wrong?

Thanks for your suggestions about trying the intermediate steps - that's a useful way of approaching it.

Lois_and_CK

xylophone wrote: »

Explore the possibility of flexible working hours so that you can take at least one day off a month.

You don't need the gym - why not just go swimming for an hour on Saturday morning and take a half hour walk together every evening after supper?

Planning for retirement is all very well but you need to live today.

Well CK doesn't like walking :-) but I'm quite happy to go by myself - this is a good suggestion because it won't take up too much time from my day but will make me switch off from work/study.