Help - I'm a mess :(

flis21

Thanks flying f, I do want to quit anyway, i don't like the kids seeing me smoke, not exactly a good rolemodel for them!! I have tried twice recently, but failed I think cos of the stress, but maybe now I'm facing up to it and dealing with it it might be a bit easier. I am going to get in touch with the stop smoking advisor. I think as I don't pay for prescriptions I should be able to get some free nicotine replacement stuff to help.

You're prob right about the sky, but not sure I can get out of the contract. i know someone said I could, but after my husband left (the sky account was in his name) I had to sign up for a new account in my name, which I think was set up about Sept/Oct time and it was a years contract. Will phone them and see if there is anything I can do. we do have a load of dvds and you can still get some kids channels without paying, so I suppose they will just have to manage! I suppose I need to realise I can't give them a 'perfect' life that i want to while my money situation is how it is. This is all so hard to face up to, but in some ways I'm relieved i'm finally trying to do something about it.

Thanks, F x

Memory_Girl

bendix wrote: »

I find it astonishing that a single person with two small children can't manage a pretty good life on £1800 a month, the vast bulk of which is benefits. And then I look down the list of expenditure - holidays, Sky TV, cigarettes, nice food bills and I see that actually she does have a pretty good life.

Ok - so not the most helpful post n the planet- and certainly not one in the spirit of this board (usually) - but to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Like you I am a single self-employed mother of two littlies. MY income at the moment is significantly less than your however (about £800 per month)

When I started my journey back from debt - I had a £10K debt and repossession proceedings had been started on my home.

Less than 2 years later I have paid off the debt, restructured our spending and am even overpaying the mortgage every month.

So take each of the suggestions one at a time and work through them ................ but no excuses, nothing is sacred when you are in debt crisis and that is where you are.

I buy my contacts I from the Netherlands £6 per month, I don't smoke because if I had to choose between nappies for my boy and my addiction (well the addiction would be long gone - thankfully it is long gone). Our food bills are now sitting at about £20 per week for three of us and we eat pretty well. No Sky here - but DS2 has cbeebies on Freeview and that contents him fine.

You need to balance your budget - and that takes hard choices and being an adult, so pick and choose one thing at a time then move onto the next, because your kids are worth having a stable future for.

Good luck hon

MG

flis21

As other people have pointed out my husband left last year, I had never claimed benefits before this. And can I also point out that I have a 2.1 degree in teaching, I started childminding when I had my first and was earning quite a bit from it for a while, but unfortunately there is not much work around at the moment.

And I could I point out that I do not and could not ever regret having my children.

SpagBol

I think you said you have two boys, could you borrow or buy some clippers and do their hair youself? And grow your hair long so you don't need such a frequent cut, mine can get away with once every 6 months or so.

The sky and cigs can go, the groceries can be cut down- try the grocery challenge on the old-stryle board. It is my first month and I have failed to keep in my budget already :mad: but it has really made me aware of my spending habits. I really recommend it. Have you got a food bank near you?

Does your ex pay maintenance? Could he up this or pay for shoes?

Good luck!

sugarcube84

Now i mean this in the nicest possible way, if it was me looking for a childminder for my son i would want a non smoker.

Lots of people have given you advice on cutting your expenditure but what about upping your income

- do you advertise your childminding service? what about netmums (free) local shops etc or maybe even a sign outside the house.
- surveys, if you aren't already doing them get registered, you have internet you can do them after the kids go to bed and will be extra money for food/presents/necessities
- ebay everything and i mean everything you dont need kids clothes, shoes unwanted gifts and ornaments you dont like....
- look for bundles of kids clothes,they are normally great i've had lots of lovely stuff from ebay
- there are lots of ways to get you food bills down as other have suggested look on the oldstyle forum. I have managed to cut ours a lot by bulking out meals with lentils and veg (much healthier as well) and having a no throw policy. Leftovers are frozen or made into tea the following night. Chicken carcas= soup, spare veg = veg soup etc etc. A good thing to advertise with the childminding as well home cooked meals!

I think you could do with some professional advice in reagrds to the level of debt and the best route, that would probably give you all your options and give you a plan on how to move forward.

merlot123

sugarcube84 wrote: »

Now i mean this in the nicest possible way, if it was me looking for a childminder for my son i would want a non smoker.

I totally agree with this post. If I got a hint of smoke whilst looking around your home as you being a potential childminder, I would simply so no thank you, and go elsewhere.

The same goes for a childminder with a dog if I'm honest.

Are you advertising your services? Pop a card in the newsagents, advert in the paper, are you listed as a childminder on your local council website etc.

flis21

I didn't used to smoke, when I had more work, only started after my husband left. I only have 2 children at the moment, after school for 2 hours. I never smoke when I'm working and don't smoke in the house at all. I do need and want to give up and as I've said I have tried twice recently. I am goign to contact the stop smoking advisor and have another go.

I have advertised my childminding, on facebook, the local family information service, I've got an advert in the local children's centre. I have put up cards in shops before and done leaflet drops, but never got any work from that and it costs me. I'm also signed up to a couple of childcare websites that show people minders in their local area. A lot of my work in the past has been for friends or friends of friends. Unfortuntaely everyone I know has either lost their job, gone self employed or having more children. Have a couple of possibilities of more work which I am waiting to see if they work out.

flis21

Right I def have some hard choices to make. I have phoned CCCS and they've made me an appointment with a debt advisor for next Weds. In the meantime I'm gonna go thru and try to reduce my spending as much as possible. I've found this hard and feel the need to justify everything that everyone comments on and I'm sorry for this. But the truth is I haven't really dealt with my money situation. I'm going to go thru everyones suggestions, see if I can phone around and reduce or get rid of some bills. try to reduce my food bills etc. Thank you to everyone for taking the time to give me advice.

SpagBol

flis21 wrote: »

Right I def have some hard choices to make. I have phoned CCCS and they've made me an appointment with a debt advisor for next Weds. In the meantime I'm gonna go thru and try to reduce my spending as much as possible. I've found this hard and feel the need to justify everything that everyone comments on and I'm sorry for this. But the truth is I haven't really dealt with my money situation. I'm going to go thru everyones suggestions, see if I can phone around and reduce or get rid of some bills. try to reduce my food bills etc. Thank you to everyone for taking the time to give me advice.

Well done, it is hard, all of us DFWs justified our spending to some extent which is why we all got into debt so we understand that instinct Now I have had my LBM I am happy to scrimp, eat lentils, go without but it is very difficult to surrender things for the children. I have been in tears cancelling swimming lessons, praying cheques for beavers don't bounce, hating being firm about no sweets or treats etc and yesterday I had to cut my youngest's angelic curls with clippers (why I mentioned it to you- it was on my mind :rotfl::rotfl:) which was sad but actually it looks very smart :j:j and they hated swimming anyway...

It is hard at first but becomes addictive if you get into the right frame of mind about it and see the positives. You have made the first step with cccs so well done and let us know what they say.

flis21

I've also just signed up to the nhs smoke free website and the giving up smoking thread on here. I've set my quit date for Saturday, will hopefully see quit smoking advisor at children's centre on Friday. I am actually almost excited about it now, thinking how much money this will save, as well as being better for me, my children and my business. Whilst I know it will be hard the benefits are so large that it seems stupid not to do it. Am going to write lists of the benefits and stick them up on my back door (I usually go out my back door to smoke) so that I see it whenever I'm in the kitchen reminding me why I'm doing this.

Are hair clippers expensive? I did my eldests hair a couple of times with scissors and made such a mess of it. I was taking him to a children's hairdress, who charged £9, but cut back by having his hair cut by my hairdresser instead.

I have cancelled a couple of things already, things like tumble tots, which is horrendously expensive, particularly when paying for 2 children! I am trying to use more of the children's centre play groups and activities which are all free.

I am going to set myself a spending budget of £50 for groceries and try to plan the meals out so I don't end up doing extra shops (or shock horror, get a takeaway if I haven't worked out what's for dinner!!).

So far today I have made £7 selling things on facebook and haven't spent anything as I haven't been out!!!