wedding 'rules'?

spoonymoose

My family are from the North West whereas OH's family are from the West Midlands. I've lived in Birmingham for 6 years now.

The OH and I decided that it would be best for both sets of families if we got married in the middle somewhere (my family wanted me to get married up there and have the reception at a hotel they know because they didn't want to travel.) OH's parents are much more accommodating - they'll travel wherever.

The OH and I have decided to get married near Chester - it's so nearly the same amound of travelling time for both parties (I think it's off by 5 mins of so!)

My family can't complain that they're travelling for longer cos they aren't and both sets of families are travelling there the day before (so doing what a lot of people have suggested you do.)

Wedding's are hard work and you realise how unhelpful/uncooporative/picky some people are OR what people's do's and don'ts are very quickly!

floss2

charfield wrote: »

...I understand what you mean about my grandad but I'd really love for him to be there- and he'll definitely feel the same. He'll have his family around him, so he could be ok with it all. Perhaps it would be an idea to actually ask him before I go ahead and book anything?....

Take the leaflet for the hotel or a laptop with their e-brochure on and sit down & talk to him about your plans. You never know, he may offer to give you a bit of financial help!

minerva_windsong

My sister had a similar issue to this when she got married - most of my family live in Lancashire/Liverpool, her husband's family live in Kent and they live in Warwickshire, so they were never going to make everyone happy. They picked Cornwall because we used to go there as a family when my sisters and I were kids so it had meaning to her, because my brother-in-law's mate owns a really lovely hotel down there, and because someone would have to travel a fair way wherever they had it. I think the last reason is true of most weddings, especially now that people don't tend to stay in the same place or area all their lives for various reasons.

I would have the wedding where you wanted but maybe try and find somewhere for your grandparents to stay over a couple of days before so they have time to settle, and talk to your grandad beforehand directly if you can; if he travelled all the way up to Scotland for your brother's wedding then to me that's a pretty good indication that he would want to be there at his granddaughter's wedding too.

charfield_2

thanks again everyone- I'm so moved at how many people have replied to my post (which I did at 3 'o' clock this morning, unable to sleep. I'm too sensitive a soul is my trouble!). It has brought a shine to my eye (whatever will I be like at my actual wedding?!)

I will definitely go and speak to my grandad (with my brother so I have a 'witness' in case he forgets the conversation!) I have done loads more research on venues and I just can't seem to find anything that we both (that's me and my fiance) like better for the same budget.

Is it just me, or is Cambridgeshire more expensive than Lincolnshire? I looked at the Maltings in Ely - £5900 for a wedding there. It's nice, but that's quite expensive, especially when you consider Belvoir Castle (which is huge) costs £5000 (ok there's still food to pay for...) or £2000 for the ceremony only (mon-fri though)! You could get married at Belvoir (pronounced 'beaver') then have almost £4000 change from the Maltings offering to pay for the rest of the day! Do-able!

Sorry, I'm deviating....thanks again everyone (the car/taxi idea I'll look into and the 2 nights stopover, thank you)

lovecake

I'm definitely in the 'its your day' camp! Me and my OH are originally from the East of Scotland, now living in Glasgow. We have family in various towns in the East of Scotland, OH has some family down South (outside London) and most of my family are in Wales.

We are getting married in Glasgow because that is where we live, where we moved in together, got engaged, have all our happy memories and where our dream venue is!

Our families will just have to travel - my Nanna and Gramps (who will be turning 81 on our wedding day!) have no problem at all in travelling up to Scotland and neither does anyone else as far as I know - they are all looking forward to the trip!

Do what will make you happy on your day!!

double_mummy

do it however you like

we have all of OHs family coming over form Israel (including his 80 year old grandma) the best man is from Oz

my family here are from bristol to nottingham but we are getting married in milton keynes right near where i grew up in a hotel that i used to see almost every day

so you kinda have to do what makes you happy

if he really wont come then could you have a webcam set up so he can watch from his own home?

elvis86

fawny wrote: »

Hi,

It's a difficult one & I understand the problem. I'm from West Yorkshire & all my family are still there, however I now live in Staffordshire & have done for the last 7 years. I have friends dotted all over the country. OH family all live within 5 miles of us as do most of his friends. When OH proposed to me we got all the info for local venues & I said what about places in Yorkshire so we looked at them too. In this situation same as yours one set of families are going to have to travel it's so difficult. In the end we decided that we wanted to get married abroad so now everyones got to travel:)

It's a tricky situation, OH parents are a lot older than mine & hinted that if we had booked somewhere in Yorkshire they would hnot have come as they don't like to travel too far, but said we should do what we want. For that reason they are not coming abroad but are happy for us.

I find this kind of thing completely unbelievable. Staffordshire to West Yorkshire is what, 3 hours max in the car? Even less depending whereabouts in Staffordshire you are!

Getting married abroad is different, and I'm of the opinion that you have to accept that people may not come (although for close friends or family I would make every effort to attend and would be disappointed if they dismissed it with no thought should I choose to marry abroad). But what kind of people would miss their son's wedding for the sake of a couple of hours in the car?! Awkward b******s!

Then again, there's no pleasing some people. My friend got married in the church directly opposite her PIL's house, and the reception was at a hotel 200 yards from their house (and the church). Yet she and her fiance still had to mess around arranging transport for them! Yes, her FIL is hooked up to an oxygen tank and can't walk far, but seriously, was it beyond them to speak to one of their other children (who all attended) or book a taxi, rather than bothering the bride and groom on their wedding day?!

Emmylou_2

OH and I live just outside Bristol. I've been in the south west for seven years now, he grew up near here. I was brought up in Coventry, which is where most of my family are. His parents live abroad now, and most of his relatives are in Lancashire (where the MIL2B grew up). We looked at venues in Bristol and Coventry - and Bristol won. I think it may have been different had my grandma (who brought me up after mum died) still been alive - she was 97 and very doddery when she died earlier this year. His parents have said they'll be in charge of getting his grandma to the wedding (and hotelling her the nights before and after) and I'm planning to arrange for my elderly aunts and uncles to stay in the same hotel, so that they can meet up beforehand, and then taxi to/from the venue together!

My view is - it's up to you. If you want to get married in Timbuktu, then do. If you want to get married down the road from where you grew up, then do. Ignore people saying what you "should" do. It's your day, do what you want.