Horace's Biting the Bullet Diary

bast

For what it is worth you did the right thing on the mentoring, when alarm bells ring its instinct taking over And ditto to the early morning ahhhhhh re money although mine was at least around 5 this morning, however was up at 6.30 and did not manage to get back to sleep feel rather punch drunk tonight..... Take care...

Horace

Another night of disturbed sleep but woke up at 7am ish but didnt get out of bed until 8am.

I rang my landlord this morning and apologised for my rent being late - he has told me to pay it when I can, I have said that this months and next months will be late. He has told me previously that I am his best tenant, I don't cause him any bother and this is the first time in 4 years that I have made a late payment. To be honest I was scared of ringing him because although he is a fairly nice bloke, he does have a nasty side which I have seen - I can remember him forcibly evicting someone after I had been living here for 6 months, it it wasnt pleasant. Mind you it might be a bit more difficult for him to get rid of me as my flat was let unfurnished and all the others are furnished...not that I am thinking of that of course.

Today, I feel very depressed again - I have started to feel that all my efforts are for nothing and I feel as though I am wading through cold treacle:( I have had two emails of support from committee members after I contacted them yesterday to say that I was stepping away from the role until such time as I am back on my feet.

Preloved won't let me sell my wedding stuff unless I enlist as a business seller and they have offered me two months free, however, they want to take details of a credit card so I have told them that I don't have a credit card or debit card...I shall just have to be a bit devious. I have sorted out more stuff to sell.

I feel very alone today and tearful - wondering how I got myself into this mess, I never had these problems when I was on the dole and some of my outgoings haven't really changed that much - what has changed is the cost of fuel and food. Another decision was made last night re food - I shall eat every tin of soup in the cupboard and if I have meat then I shall have that with frozen peas (I have a large bag in the freezer) and as I have no spuds other than a packet of smash, I shall eat pasta and rice because I have that.

Wordsmith

Morning, Horace. Sorry you are feeling so down today. You are lucky to have such an understanding landlord, and it was very wise to ring him before he contacted you. And it was nice to get supportive emails re the voluntary job - take heart from that.

Can you put up a few notices in shop windows re the wedding stuff? Why do you have to be a business seller for Preloved? If you advertised the items one at a time, could you do it as a private seller?

Now, do you have zero money for food? Do you still have the fiver you earnt on the survey? This is your priority - it is no wonder you are feeling so low if you are not eating properly. I don't understand the system, but what would you have to do to go back on the dole for the time being, to get yourself on the road again, so to speak? Is it difficult because you are self-employed rather than employed? What about housing benefit - can you get that while being self-employed? I am sure you are much wiser than I am in these matters. Whatever it takes, you do, because you just need a bit of help to get back on course, and once there you will be back to your normal strong self and can pick up where you left off.

Is there anyone you can invite yourself to for a coffee, so that you are not alone? Once you feel a bit more uplifted, you can sit down and plot and plan your next moves. Can you get that stuff on to eBay? If you sell just one thing, it will be something. And you don't have to pay the fees upfront, do you? So there is nothing to stop you listing?

Stay strong, girl - you know you can get through this.

Horace

I get housing benefit already - it is paid 2 weekly in arrears, in total I get £405.40, I cannot get any more.

I cannot get JSA because I am self employed/have been self employed and I have not paid stamp for 2 years as I have an exemption.

I still have the fiver I got yesterday - I am saving it as I am going away on Friday next for a weekend (I have paid for food anyway as it is included in the cost) and I am giving someone a lift and she will contribute towards the petrol. I can take my own food too so can supply something from my stores.

I have seen a job at the University of Warwick and I am part way through the application form already.

Re some of the wedding stuff, I have an idea and will be speaking to someone I know up nr Leeds as I know she wants to sell it for me but I cannot get it to her..but I do know that she visits her family in Yate every so often so I will make arrangements with her to meet and she can take it back with her. I know she will sell it for me.

I will be listing some bits on Amazon, some on Ebay and Preloved. I think the posher bits e.g. the digital photo frame and philips lamp will go on Amazon.

I have postponed one lot of breakfast meets for the next two weeks - I do not have the strength to run them and hate the way the venue makes me feel like a criminal.

Have just looked in the freezer to see what I have: 2 cooked turkey steaks (shall eat them tonight), 2 lamb shanks, 6 belly draft of pork (dunno why I bought these as I am not overly fond of pork), 1 lamb steak and a large piece of brisket. I have a packet of frozen pastry, some frozen pineapple chunks, large bag of peas, 2 loaves of bread.

I have a savoury pastry case that needs to be eaten by 31 August. I have just remembered that I have a £4 clubcard voucher and a 50p off eggs coupon - now I could nip to Tescos and get eggs and a pack of bacon and an onion and then I could make a quiche:cool:

Actually, thinking about it I am not too badly off foodwise. Methinks I shall become a coupon queen.

bast

Hang on Horace you can get JSA you need to fill in a form re s/e it goes to a decision maker they decide based on your accounts ... so they are looking at how much you earned, any assets left in the company, Are you still trading? If so Earning anything? .. with JSA they look only at class one stamps paid thats why you as a s/e person arent entitle d automatically to JSA, as this is classed as contribution jsa...S/E people only pay class 2 stamp.

Think about benefits being paid two fold either you are entitled due to the fact you have paid enough national insurance contributions, based on the last two tax yr... so looking at April 4 09 to roughly April 5 11, for this years entitlement: or: Income based in which as it suggests they are looking at all income coming into the house, obviously not HB/... with ESA and, I personally feel with a dr`s sick note due to the depression you have you would be entitled to this... ESA allows class 2 stamps that you pay, to be counted as contributions...If you have paid enough you can get contribution based ESA however you can still get ESA on income based purely because you are ill, and unable to continue with your self employment, the sick note, and make sure its longer than 2 weeks will give you the basis to claim ESA... As long as your savings are not over 16 thousand and hey who has that now
Please pm me if you need further benefit help...But remember they will look at any money either way you have coming into the house based on your self employment...

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Illorinjured/DG_171891

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Employedorlookingforwork/DG_10018757

ani_26

Its that long since i logged in, i couldn't remember my password.

My heart went out to you when i read you felt very alone and tearful. I know exactly how this feels. No one knows more than me. For all those people whoi say they are ' skint ' who are not really ' skint ' , to the stage where you have no money in your bank account, or in your pocket.And no money, means exactly that - no money. Somoeone at work asked if i was ok a couple of weeks ago. I clearly wasn't but all the gossips took delight in trying to find out why not. Life is full of gossips and those who take delight at others misfortune. They have no idea what its like to be skint, as in penniless. Anyway, enough of that.

I would share a coffee with you, except i don't drink coffee, and i don't have the money for petrol for the journey. C'est la vie.


If you are exempt from ni contributions, then haven't they been accrued on your behalf? I pay ni twice, ( or should i say, i struggle to pay ). It gets deducted at source, and then its only around £1.25 per week, to pay your own ni conts,( yes i know this is alot of money when you don't have any money, hence i'm always behind with payments), but i'm extremely concerned about having the funds in my government pension pot. You must think about this if you are on your own. There is no worse scenario than being on your own and being self employed in this economic climate, with no support from another income. The self employed fall through most safety nets, but at least you are getting housing benefit, which must be a huge help. You have a roof over your head, with your rent paid. I received esa, so if you have to give up work temporarily, there are benefits for the self employed. Its not highly paid, in the scheme of things, ( £63 ish ), and rises apparently to £90 ish after 3 months, i believe.

The rising costs of everything hits when you are self employed, when everything has to be paid up front. I go in the supermarkets before they close, if you have easy access to local supermarkets, which won't cost in petrol. Its amazing what you can buy for next to nothing,( or you can always go scaveging in their bins). I got a massive bag of bananas for 29p last week, it must have had 20 bananas in it. I've given up bread at the moment. I've been eating too much cheap and nasty bread, i've decided.


Its very easy for people to pass judgement when they don't know your situation, and its very easy to say do this and do that when they don't know how it is, or how it makes you feel, but i DO know exactly how you feel, and my heart goes out to you.

Love and hugs Horace :grouphug:

bast

Hope you are okay Horace?? x

Horace

Morning all, I had to take a break from the computer yesterday - I couldnt face doing anything after lunch although I ventured back for a little while I soon gave up.

I don't have any savings - that pot disappeared because I dipped into it to help pay bills and when the council stopped my housing benefit in November last year although it was eventually reinstated - I notice that on the sheet they sent me in January 2011 - it said they would pay me £1035 in one cheque followed by 2 weekly in arrears - I never did get that £1035 cheque (this was back payment):mad: I had previously had £820 but that was also back payment.

I haven't paid any Class 2 NI since I have been self employed due to my exemption.

I have about £1.60 in my purse, I do have a bunch of LVs but it is inconvenient using them as I have to drive to Waitrose.

I am still trading - but as breakfasts are charged out at £10 per head, the venue charges me £7.95 per head so I am making zip. I decided to drop the Monday meeting altogether - I felt that my arm was twisted for me to start such a group when my first group wasnt really off the ground. I feel as though I havent been able to work at my own pace and have been dancing to someone else's tune.

Thankfully, I can walk to Morrisons (god, I hate that place) or I can walk 2 miles in the other direction to Northfield where there is a Sainsbury's, Aldi, Tesco Express (this shop is vile and totally different to the slightly larger Tesco that I use in Rubery).

Yesterday I was given a couple of tip offs - a) to speak to a guy called Olly at Office Angels and b) that someone was looking for telemarketers but how do I get there? the job is in Walsall and I cannot afford the bus, train or petrol?

Looked at ebay again yesterday - I note they have zero listing fee days next week on 20 and 21 August..I don't see why I should pay to list my stuff:rotfl: I will upload some photos of wedding stuff, my electrical items, books and possibly DVDs (I need to get rid of these horror films that twerp left behind), I also have 16 copies of one album that I was left with after the band I was managing decided not to sign contracts and not return calls.

I will look at ESA and continue with the job search. I know it isnt just me in this situation - there is a guy that I know that was working in Gran Canaria who came back to the UK and he used to spout off about the number of enquiries he had and the business he was picking up but has now admitted that he has no work and people aren't paying him when he has been booked. He has only just figured out that the Diplomas he has got (I have one the same as him and was studying for the other) are not worth the paper they are written on because no-one acknowledges them.

Whoo hoo..I have just found a 2nd class christmas stamp.

I had a rummage in the larder last night to see what I have got, I have some cook in sauces mixes, some pasta, tins of chopped tomatoes, 2 tins of baked beans, stock, tins of soup and packets of soup, a tin of broken grapefruit bits, various jars of coffee (I like dowe egberts pure gold and only buy these on offer), a tin of new potatoes and a tin of carrots as well as the packet of smash. Just looked in other cupboard and found a tin of baxters soup and a tin of sweetcorn (I don't like sweetcorn much and this is left over from twerp days), I have boil in the bag rice, risotto rice that has been in the cupboard for yonks too.

Fingers crossed I get this freelance job but in the meantime I shall continue looking even though I don't feel as though I have the strength. In the meantime I had better do these minutes and circulate them and then continue in my quest. I have two applications to complete: a job at warwick uni and one with john lewis at warwick services.

Bast, I will have a look at the ESA

Wordsmith

Hope you have a productive day, Horace. I know you don't feel like getting down to it all now, but hopefully once you have started you will feel more like getting stuck in. You can do quite a lot of experimental cooking with what you have in your store cupboards!

Horace

The minutes have been started and will be circulated today.

I need to go to the village to take a prescription (alas I have to drive there) but I am trying to hang on (if I don't go today then I will go Monday but need to go before the end of next week).

I cannot get a refund on the weekend away nor can I sell my place. I booked this back in February (I checked) so I am going to go because I don't want to chuck money away. I will have to approach the person I am giving a lift to, to see if she will pay up front for petrol (if she doesnt then we aren't going anywhere:eek:). People are asking me for money for a BBQ - why should I pay an additional £4 for food I am unlikely to eat? I may well take my own BBQ and cook my own food LOL. I will do the free stuff eg. walks on the beach, window shopping - if they start moaning then stuff them (I have my Nat Trust membership too - forgot to cancel it and it renewed, so at least I can have a day somewhere mooching). I still have LVs left so I am going to check what shops there are in Abersoch and see if they will take them:cool: I will have a trip on a shoestring.

More stuff found in cupboard - some batter mix but it needs egg.