Can't cope, please please help

sammr85

Oh hun, massive hugs for u. I also couldn't read and run, your story brought a tear to my eye and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can't add to anything mentioned here, its all fab advice. I agree with getting OH to read this thread though, your post is from the heart and is exactly how u feel right now so maybe its easier for OH to read it here rather than him either never knowing how u truely feel or it coming out the wrong way.

Please allow yourself to grieve, it will take time. We're all here to listen and help u the best we can, so even if it feels like the world is caving in on u, come here and share the pain.

Love and hugs Hun xxx

BitterAndTwisted

I suggest that you have a nice quiet hour in the sunshine in the garden while you make a list of what you'd like your brood to do to get things in the house sorted.

Right now, there should be no asking but telling.

The come-down after months and months of stress, never mind the grief at the end can be totally decimating. I know this because I endured the same some time ago. My mother was seriously ill and in hospital for a total of about six months. Meanwhile I had to hold down a full-tome job combined with daily hospital visits miles and miles away. I never got to bed before midnight the whole time. At the end, once it was over I collapsed in a heap of misery and exhaustion.

Enduring the loss of a mother is the most profound of our lives. Recovering takes some time which is as it should be. Meanwhile ask for the help and support that you need.

jinky67

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I suggest that you have a nice quiet hour in the sunshine in the garden while you make a list of what you'd like your brood to do to get things in the house sorted.

DO this^^^ the older child is capable of being sent to do shopping.

Sorry for your loss, but do take it easy. Even doing the dishes everyday would be an achievement in my book.
Your kids and your hubby should be doing far more to take the pressure off you

dom300186

i will be honest and say i dont know what your going through as i havent lost anyone that close to me, i couldnt just read and back up the page, all you can do is take one day at a time slowly as its still too raw possibly get the kids to go through the washing and putting it on with you and get them to help hang it out but dont get doing to much do one job a day i would say.

it will get easier but its going to take a bit of time hunxxx

patchwork_cat

My 2 are 13 and 18 now aswell and like yours need nagging, but they are quite capable and need to be made to help you at this time. They may well be grieving too though.

Primrose

I send you my sincere sympathy. Please try and recognise that you are in the first very deep stage of grief and it would be surprising if after all the care you have been giving to your mum, your domestic routine would still be totally organised and your home would be looking like a photo in Ideal Home. Something has to go in such circumstances, and your priorities were in the right place.

Don't be hard on yourself. Accept that just for a while, it's going to take you time to come to terms with your mother's death and that this is how things are. You are not lazy. You are not a bad mother. You are simply grieving, and this is a process which can't be hastened or worked through at a quicker pace.

You don't say how old your children are but it might be helpful if you sat down as a family and explained your feelings to them. Ask for their help. Talk to your husband separately and tell him about your fears that, having lost your mum, you are also terrified that his weight and obesity might cause him to be the second casualty in your family. Tell him how much you love and need him, and want him to look after his health. In your preoccupation leading up to your mother's death, he may feel that he has been neglected, even though he has been trying to help, so perhaps you could together try now to start thinking about he can better look after his own health.

All these issues can't be hurried. You all have a lot to cope with, but start talking about the time when you can start getting yourselves more organised as a family and start putting the pieces together again. But, above all, be patient and kind to each other.

ScarlettsMum

Dandy-candy,

You have my sympathies for your loss. Right now the house, the cooking, none of that is important. As others have said you need to take time to grieve and say goodbye to your dear mum.

Have you thought about asking your GP if there are any local counselling/support services to help you work through your grief?

Thinking of you

ScarlettsMum

purpleheather2810

Hi Dandy-candy, firstly I wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear of the loss of your mother. Your reaction is completely normal and all you can do is take it day by day. I'm sure your 18 year old can come up with a basic shopping list - he/she must have some idea of what food is normally in the house. Nobody will be harmed if they have sandwiches or beans on toast for tea for a while. Give yourself time and space to grieve. Things will get better and you will get through it but we all need help at times like these - so do ask for it. xxxxxx

PS well done for tackling the washing xxx

UnluckyT

hi dandy-candy, sorry for your loss and probably cant say more then what been suggested other than (hugs) and chin up, sure your ganna get their, just keep plodding on and take one day at a time.
you need your family to support you, so just be honest and keep trying.

patentgirl

Hi Dandy Candy

sending you a big virtual hug think you need one
It is still very early days good advice from everyone here try and get children more involved not easy I know from experience but try and get plenty of time for just you in the garden it will get easier but takes time xx