My 'starting again with nothing' Diary

MicheH

Ok, that's not strictly true as I have 0.0003% of my mortgage fund saved.. or £8 :rotfl:

A little about me. I worked full-time in schools with disaffected children and teenagers and those with special needs but gave up work when we had our second little girl. The plan was to childmind so I could look after our children and earn a crust at the same time. We didn't really have an option anyway as the childcare costs plus car and diesel costs used up my monthly salary.

So I wrote my letter resigning when my maternity leave ended and set out advertising my services. I was Ofsted registered and had recived a good inspection report and with my background and qualifications in working with children I thought it would be easy.. especially as my childminder earned more than I did with the 4 children she minded.

This was smack bang in the middle of the recession in 2009. All childminders in my area were complaining of work drying up, the demand was not there, mothers and fathers or family members were losing their jobs so able to help people out with their childcare.

2 months of no income we were struggling bigstyle. We had debt and were beginning to fall into arrears. I was scared. I can't tell you how scared I was. I never missed a payment, my credit file would have been rather healthy but the phone calls started.

I'd managed to secure a couple of months work with a little boy from my little girls nursery but that was only earning us £22 a week, no where near for the debt as all of DH's salary was going on the mortgage and 'important' bills we needed to pay. It was very tight. Not a lot was left for food and I had to learn very quickly how to be creative, feed a family of four, with a baby was not easy but I did it.

I'm an axious person, I worry and one morning the worry of it all was just too much. I rang National Debtline sobbing. I had no idea of how they could help me and I certainly had no idea what the only option would be. Bankruptcy.. both of us. The only option. We couldn't do IVA or DMP as there was no surplus. The only option and because of the equity in the house at the time we would lose that too.

1 month later we cleared the small amount of savings we had (an emergency cushion for if we struggled to pay the mortgage.. a joke, one months payment and not much more) and used it to go bankrupt.

The most embarrassing, stressful and crushing thing I have ever had to do. I cried throughout the couple of minutes with the judge. Just sobbed. I'd ruined my life. My perfect life. Me, little 'good girl' me.

But it was all over. Just had to get over the losing of the house then. Althought the bankruptcy was horrible to go through nothing can prepare a person for lossing their home. I knew we could go stay with my mam, I knew we would never be homeless but the worry and dispair over where the hell you're going to live is immense. The feelings of guilt because you've lost your little girls their home, their stability. Knowing that your children are going to have to deal with a massive change in their lives and that was your fault.

I'll cut a lot of this journey out but we did manage to find a rental home. I actually like it here, in a new area. I miss my home but it signalled what I am no longer.. That house was about people seeing I was doing well for myself, it was all a lie. I'm now just me. Not prim and proper anymore, just a house wife and Mam. Just.. but a damn good one

So put aside some niggly little issues I have with anxiety and a touch depression, I'm happy. We're happy. We've changed so much DH and I and our children are thriving. The little one just know keep running in with pictures she's coloured and putting them under the sofa to show 'Millie' the spider (a spider she saw crawl under there 3 days ago!) Well rounded children who have no idea what went on last year.

So we're settled, we're happy, we've changed and the bankruptcy is over with. We're making plans to rebuild now and as I'm completing a degree in psychology we can have real hopes of starting again in the future.

This is my diary of trying to save money in order to save for a mortgage deposit. As we're ex-bankrupts that mortgage deposit will need to be quite a hefty percentage. We know that and don't have a hope in hecks chance of saving it all with what we're bringing into the house right now but we're going to start.

I'm already very frugal and have learned so many tricks thanks to the posters on MSE but I'm endevouring to go that bit further now. We still fritter money away. We do. That is stopping, we're pulling our belts right in come 2011 and this is my journey.. however long - 7.. 10.. 14 years, who knows, this is my journey into starting again, with [STRIKE]nothing[/STRIKE] £8 :rotfl:

Polly_Wolly_Doodle

Fab post, you are so brave and you will get there.
I'm in this for the long haul i think too but that's just to get rid of the debt and that's been primarily on housing too.
I think as a nation we are too obsessed with houses, i know i am! And really they are one heck of a drain, financially and emotionally.
Ho hum, great start and well done on your £8, the longest journey starts with a single step.

PWD xx

Mags30

That's a really inspiring post, you sound like such a strong person to have come through all that and still be able to smile. Totally agree about the home owning, it really is a status symbol more than anything else.

3Dogs

Oh so right Polly, this nation is far too obsessed with owning houses - almost every other European country rents rather than buys, in fact, globally it is the same

But I can see Miche's need here - to regain stability for her family after what she, and they, have been through - and wish her every success in getting there

Miche, you may be soft and anxiuos in some ways as you are essentially a gentle person, but you are so stubborn too, I know that !! And, when dealing with your family's protection, don't mess with a Mammy I always say. I know that you will find a way, but, you know what, even if you don;t quite get there, or get there and then realise that is not essential, you will always know that you have done the best for your family, always :T

I wish you the best of luck and congratulate you on starting this fund and this diary. £8 eh hinny? It's £8 more than I have saved, I can tell you. £8 is much more than £8 in this case. It is a signal of your intentions. It is a start along this long road, with many twists and turns, but with your dream at the end. Good luck with that dream hun

Susan x x x

hypno06

Welcome to diaryland

Happytogetdebtfree

What a heart felt post welcome to diary land im sure you can save a nice deposit i look forward to sharing your journey xx

MicheH

Thank you

You've got the measure of me 3Dogs I didn't used to be a stubborn person. This journey, the realisation that the banks are not out to look after me at the age of 29, a half decent education and I didn't really know that.

I'd allowed myself to be used and walked over by big institutions and now, knowing what I know because of MSE and being under the wing of people like bat and Alastair, i've woken up and will not allow any body trample over me.

I question everything and make sure I know my rights before anything. Dealing with Northern Rock and their tricks over paperwork (accepting liability for shortfall, it's all in my past posts) during repossession made me learn all is not rosy in the world and people definately don't play by fairness rules.. for someone who has been sheltered all her life that was a big shock, even in my late 20's.

So stubborn I am

ani_26

It takes alot of courage to ' bare your soul ' in a diary, something many people can't or won't do.

I have'nt read the ' other ' yet, but i will do, for sure.

Maybe a house is'nt always a ' symbol ' of where you are in life. Mine, was a very modest home, not a status symbol, at all. But it was mine, my home, and i've been stupid to ' throw it all away '. I'm glad you are young enough to be able to start again.

A ' perfect ' life, is having people who care about you, who you care about, too.



Nohope xx

ani_26

I also forgot to add. I personally think the most valuable ' job ' any woman can do, it to stay at home with their children, particularly during the formative years. You would miss out on so much, too, by not doing this. I feel in todays soceity, we have lost the meaning of what is really important in life. So i admire anyone who stays at home, and does he ' worthless job ' of being mum, to their children. People managed to do this quite adequately in the past.........................................................

I'll probably get shot down in flames for saying this, but these are my heartfelt thoughts.

Enjoy every minute you can, MicheH

Nohope xx

savingwannabe

I take one day off and what do you do? give me a heart condition by setting up a diary little Miche i had to come back. Your last one was so honest and moving and although i read it once i have never forgotten it. Another diamond. Mr Blind - all of us we are so proud of you. I will never forget how you and Mr Blind were to me on an old site. I learned so much. He is a wise owl and i feel blessed to have had his trust. You are not for turning are you girlfriend? You are kind and gentle and downright stubborn noone can doubt you will succeed. Thank you for making MSE richer, thank you for being here. I am subscribing.

Happytogetdebtfree

Here's to a happy healthy wealthy 2011 :-) x