I've had enough

all_hours

lil'H wrote:

I'm seriously thinking about going back onto income support as I just don't see the point right now, I've lost my free pescriptions, my son won't get free school meals (£8 a week) etc etc etc and I'm oonly actually less that £20 a week better off at the moment anyway. £20 which i'd be allowed to earn on income support.

I sympathise - my situation is similar. I live in an area where the rents are high and childminders are £5-£6 per hour - full time care for the holidays will cost £200-£250 per week. I would need to earn about £32-35k to totally get off HB.

This is where our situations differ slightly. I've had a break from my career and I might not be able to earn this initially but I would after a year or two of recent experience. But to do this means dropping a 4 yr old at the childminders for 8am - them taking them to school and picking up - me picking up from the childminders at 6pm. This is too long for a 4 yr old 5 days a week - I'm not willing to put them through this.

So I'm now looking for jobs that are part-time or school hour based. So far I haven't found anything that's practical for me to do. It's also difficult because I'm having to swallow my pride and consider jobs that I don't think I should be doing.

Something else to consider about going back onto IS. When the CSA catch up with the father - I don't think you get to keep any of it if you're on IS. If you stay self employed you would get to keep some.

Contact the tax credit dept and ask them if you're eligible for an NHS exemption certificate.

Bluediamond

Just read your email and want to send you loads of hugs. IYou sound really switched on and I would suggest too that you contact your local housing association. Sometimes you just have to go cap in hand, tell them like it is and ask them for help. Its not as though you are lacking ambition and you can do it...
When my first son was born, we were streched big time so i took on jobs when he was at school like cleaning and nursing agency work that is built around mums like us . You would be surprised how that can work out and you may be saying I CAN' DO THAT but the money really helped out and little was was not affected and I was able to take him to and from school.
Good Luck and let us all know how you are getting on xxxxxxxx

severussnape

i don't know what advice to give you it seems as if you are stuck between a rock and a hard place but i was a single parent with 3 kids and when the government brought out the working families tax credits instead of the family tax i went back to work the kids went into childminders (2 i had problems with but then found a total star ) the youngest was 7 months. i missed him going to nursery for the first time and all his christmas shows ( i am a hairdresser so no time off at christmas) until i stopped working 3 years ago. i really regret missing stuff like that.

your son's father said exactly the same thing my ex husband said to my eldest son when he was leaving. he was five at the time and now he is 12 and he still remembers, it will get better infact he know hates his ex dad so much he told the social worker and court guardian (when my now husband adopted the boys ) that he would really like to have a little chat with him with a baseball bat. sons are very loyal to their mums.

really sorry about the mums at school, people can be very judgmental in life but they never know what is around the corner. chin up girl your are doing brilliant, as before put him to bed and have a nice bath

carriel_2

awww hun, wanted to send you a hug.

What your ex did to you & your little boy is just rotton, my little boy is 4 too & I can only imagine how something like that would hurt him.

I know its not everyones cup of tea, but would you consider an Avon round, its not alot of money, ( I can make about £100 - £150 every 3 weeks) but I do it more for the social side of things, i've been a full time mum for my two & it gets so lonely.

I've made some good friends doing Avon & you get to do something thats totally seperate from being a mum. You can do it when your boy is at school, or at the weekends or in school holidays you can take him with you. FOr me its perfect because there arent any set hours, if one of my kids is sick (which happens ALOT during their first year) you can be there with them. And in the school holidays they just come with me to help.

I'm sorry that I cant help with anything else, but take care of yourself.

lil'H

all_hours wrote:

Something else to consider about going back onto IS. When the CSA catch up with the father - I don't think you get to keep any of it if you're on IS. If you stay self employed you would get to keep some.

Contact the tax credit dept and ask them if you're eligible for an NHS exemption certificate.

Thanks all hours, I'm glad i'm not the only one going through this. With regard to CSA, ex does pay some maintenence, which is all declared, if i go back to IS they force a CSA claim, which results in ex getting annoyed putting his basic wage to minimum wage it's his own company) and taking the rest as bonuses which CSA can't touch. They also can't touch a number of his other sources of income, thus I'm worse off. He's done this before, and I know that if anything went to CSA again he would prob refuse to pay as e knows how long they take to take any action, so thats the other incentive to stay away from IS.

Re NHS Excepmtion Certificate, its the same as school meals, whilst my income is low enough my status as self-employed means I am not eligible.

all_hours

lil'H wrote:

Thanks all hours, I'm glad i'm not the only one going through this. With regard to CSA, ex does pay some maintenence, which is all declared, if i go back to IS they force a CSA claim, which results in ex getting annoyed putting his basic wage to minimum wage it's his own company) and taking the rest as bonuses which CSA can't touch. They also can't touch a number of his other sources of income, thus I'm worse off. He's done this before, and I know that if anything went to CSA again he would prob refuse to pay as e knows how long they take to take any action, so thats the other incentive to stay away from IS.

Re NHS Excepmtion Certificate, its the same as school meals, whilst my income is low enough my status as self-employed means I am not eligible.

It sounds as though it would be better to keep your self employed status for the maintenance.

Before I found this site I thought I was the only person with all my problems. I know it's not nice seeing other people in similar difficulties but realising I'm not alone has made things easier. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that you find a way forward.

msmicawber

Dear lil'H,

I feel for you and share some of your cirumstances. It just feels like a long, hard slog sometimes. Everyone always mentions the CSA, but when you receive Housing Benefit only about £10 is disregarded so it doesn't change your circumstances that much anyway.

Have you asked at the Uni. through which you're doing your Masters about whether there's a student parent group/society? The Students' Union should know. There was one at the Uni. where I used to work and it used to get a bit of funding for the odd subsidised jolly, as well as providing a network of other impoverished student parents to trade babysitting services with. They let me join even though I was staff and I found it a real life line. My children also made new friends, which was great.

I wish you the best of luck.

bommer

Hi,

Have you thought about doing childminding youself?

On the school side have you thought about joining the PTA ( if they have one?) It would be a way of socialising with other parents at the school and having some input into your son's education.

wifeforlife

OMG I thought I had wrote that post in my sleep or something! We are in a very similar situation, ages, childrens ages, work, benefits everything! It's weird. I'll pm you, maybe we could help each other out!!!!

Chin up though, this proves we're not alone!

Cath

lil'H

Hi everyone, just thought I'd update you all, and wanted to mention as special thanks to Cath who pm'd me a really supportive message.

Situation now is basically I feel a lot more positive. I think I had bottled so much up that now I've finally let it out it was the best thing I could have done. I have spoken to my friends, and am going to get people over for supper more reguarly, they always bring a bottle which usually costs moer than the food and I've never had anyone turn down an offer, as they all love my cooking! So every week I'm going to make sure I cook for one of my friends. This week I had two of the girls over on weds which was lovely.

With regard to babysitting, I now have two overs of DS being able to sleep over reguarly, one at cousins and one at his friends and I'd have her in return. DS needs to settle at school first though, esp after situation with ex, but once he's settled i'm going to stop being shy about taking up offers and actually do it! My parents have said they'd babysit once a month to. For the moment I've booked a sitter for the 30th so I'll have a night out soon, yes I'm paying but it's the best option for DS as it's his old nursery teacher so he feels very secure with her.

Ex partner still not in touch, but don't care, spoken to a friend of mine who's a soclicitor so he's going to look into a few ideas for me regarding finance.

rang up today to get an application form for an amazing job thats come up, 18hours per week, so i can still do masters and keep business going, in the building next door to my son's school and in school hours so I don't have to worry about childcare once he's full time in Jan. If I get offered I'll find a way round, but hopefully wouldn't have to start till after half term anyway. Paying 11800 for 18pw term time only which won't make me much better off financially but emotionally would be brilliant.

DS school clothes all ready, and my stuff already for starting Masters so hopefully in a few weeks once we are both settled in I can reasses and things will pick up.

Thank you so much for all your support, it really does mean a lot, and just telling you all made me feel so much better. You really are all stars.

Lil'H