I've had enough

ZTD

Apologies for cutting this around.

lil'H wrote:

I'm seriously thinking about going back onto income support as I just don't see the point right now, I've lost my free pescriptions, my son won't get free school meals (£8 a week) etc etc etc and I'm oonly actually less that £20 a week better off at the moment anyway. £20 which i'd be allowed to earn on income support.

My advice is to go back onto income support. Whilst on income support, you can get work (say from 10-2) which will allow you to drop your son off, and pick him up, and which will not affect your IS. They work will most likely be unskilled, but it is money after all. Companies like food manufacturers are well aware of IS rules and childcare requirements and cater for them.

IS people may ask if you can increase your hours/wages. Say no, you can't because of childcare.

lil'H wrote:

My DS's father earlier in the summer suddenly walked out on him (he used to have him once a week) so I have no support and feel devestated for DS. I love my son to pieces but just want a night out with my mates, to feel 24 again, but babysitters cost.

I just want my life back, I just want to be 24 and with my mates having fun.

I can't do that for you - sorry. But look to joining clubs/societies where you will meet people with an interest and who are interesting. Or help at a local community group where they save the local peat bog or something. The local Fag Ash Chav Coffee morning is probably not going to be of interest to you.

lil'H wrote:

Yet at the same time I am fed up with my own company and stuck in a rut, I'm bright (I have a degree with first class honours) yet I can't get a job to fit round our needs, and instead get to put up with my own comapny all day everyday, i'm bored i just want adult conversation.

Unfortunately, this country is not geared up for the bright. But I guess you know this by now.

lil'H wrote:

Sorry for moaning,
Lil'H

No, I would say you have justification for it. But don't lose heart.

Triker

AAAAHHHH, had just written a long reply to you and then lost it all, here's the potted account,

Childminding, tax free income, ability to work hours to suit you, ironically be able to help others in similar position as yourself.

Housing associations, accommodation officer at university for accommodation lists, landlord contacts, ring around see if they have anyhing or know of anyone who may have a property for you to rent and is suitable, maybe house share with someone in a similar position.

http://www.letslinkuk.net/

have a look to see if they are in your area, meet and swop skills/jobs.

clubs, associations, free stuff to do with surestart, is there one in your area, go to your local libray, see what on, local government website for events in your area.

Sorry it's rushed gotta got to work, apologies if posting stuff already suggested, oh and last tip, re father walking out.
I said to my girls about similar situation

'some people are not good at being parents, it does'nt meant that they don't love you, it just means that they cannot do this job and it has nothing to do with anything that anybody has done wrong because they haven't, they just can't do it, like Mummy can't fix the car'.

Cheers Triker

going2die_rich

Firstly, make sure you contact the CSA and get some benefits from yoru child from his "father".

Have you tried asking family if they could babysit your son for a couple hours a week so that you can go out, even if it was a once a month thing? If any of them have children you could return the favour.

Another possibility is talking to your son's grandparents on your ex bf/husbands side. A lot of grandparents never want to lose touch with their grandchildren even when their own children don't want anything to do with them. This will hopefully get your ex bf/husband to stop being a !!!!! and get back in your son's life and if nothign else, it'll at least mean your son gets some extra grandparents in his life.

I take it your sons going to play group, so try and talk to some of the other parents there. You will most likely find a few in the same situation as you, so not only will it provide you with someone to talk to but also give you hope you aren't alone and it can be done.

As for your job situtation, don't let it feel like you aren't getting anywhere as once your son is at school full time it'll increase your job possibilities. I don't know what your degree is in, but if you can't find that right role, go for a steady job in places such a bank or other big business. A lot of jobs are advertised internally and possessing a degree will fast track you above other applicants. If the speaking at schools isn't bringing enough hours consider changing that to working in a business sector as they do have more part time vacancies and many even have flexible hours. This will increase your profile in the business for when your son starts full time education.

I can't say their is anything much anyone else can help with on here other than wishing you the best of luck, but if it helps my mum brought me and my brother up on her own and she was 23 when my dad died and we were only 4 and 5 and we didn't really have any family and not many close friends for help. We were also reliant on benefits and had nothing to our name. I can't say it was easy with other children getting stuff and us not having it, but looking back she did really well and both me and my brother went to uni and are now on really well paid jobs and we've only been working a few years so our futures look really good. She did well and I don't bare wonder how she managed and how she felt at times, but I am glad she stuck in their, so don't get disheartned. You'll see the reward for your hardwork as a mother when your son grows up.

Hope this helps

lil'H

Dr.Shoe wrote:

Have you considered moving? Surrey is a very expensive place to live, even rivalling central London. Have you considered speaking to the school about "after school" clubs..?

If you're working can you not get childcare vouchers? Do you not have a creche at work? Working family tax credits? If you're working less than 16 hours per week you can still get income support and therefore housing and council tax benefit. You can still get HB and CTB even if you're working full time as it's means tested as are free school dinners.

Would love to move, but don't have money for deposit etc elsewhere, would have difficulties of finding new school, and would then have NO friends or support in the area. Certainly something i'm not ruling out though.

I do get some tax credit to help with childcare, but this doesn't cover all, and wouldn't cover the huge amounts of our of school care through childminder.

DS is starting an after school club one day a week when he's full time, it's a private one, none of the schools around here have them, but at least that'll help me get throgh masters.

With regard to school dinners, my income is low enough, but unfortunately I am technically self-employed, adn that means regardless of income you can't get free school dinners, sucks eh!

lil'H

Thank you so much to everyone for your support, I think i've realised that part of the problem is that I started my degree as a single parent to get out of this situation focused really hard and believed it would pay off. I know in the long term it will but I guess that now I've finished and still no better off, and with ex walking out too It's just got on top of me.

So I've made a decision, booking a babysitter for the 30th, so what If one week I don't shift extra on my debts, I need a night out, badly. I used to go out once a week, and since july when ex went haven't been out at all, so hey surely i've done well to last this long!

Going to seriously look into leaving self employment as a short term pressure release.

Going to plan my weeks more to include things for me in as well as things for DS.

Going to write to Mr Blair about Sure Start, a lot of you have mentioned them and I agree sure start is great but unfortunately are area is "too affluent" to be in need of a sure start, or any other kind of similar service. Even the playgroups charge a fortune because they can. Result, people like me become even more isolated, a friend of mine lives in tower hamlets and we compared notes what is available for her kids is so much more because the govt and council step in more there. Here, well if your skint thats your tough luck! So going to transfer my annoyance to a productive letter abotut he social exclusion relief policy that creates more acute exclusion in affluent areas!

I can't thank you all enough though, I am feeling better for gettign it all off my chest and reading your responses, and will look into all your suggestions fully.

Lil'H

pounds_and_pensive

Since you you used to go out once a week anyway before your ex left, maybe you could go out once a month instead, using the cash saved from the three weeks that you don't go out anymore to fund a babysitter. You'd at least have some 'life of my own' time to look forward to then, all budgeted and planned for. You might even run into your Love God opportunity (or even come across a Dream Employer out on the razz - stranger things have happened, and you can justify it as 'networking' then )

Enjoy your night out

lil'H

pounds_and_pensive wrote:

You might even run into your Love God opportunity (or even come across a Dream Employer out on the razz - stranger things have happened, and you can justify it as 'networking' then )

Enjoy your night out

Do you reakon it would be tax detuctable then!!!!;)

lynzpower

One other thing to talk to you about is an issue about your housing.

Within the housing act, there is a clause/ guidance called reasonable to occupy. Basically the top & bottom of it is, that if you cannot afford to live somewhere, then its not reasonable for you to occupy, and thus you need to move out.

Ask Shelter about this.

Your local authority will have a list of private landlords who charge cheaper rent than the market rent. Yes they wont be palaaces, but they will have been inspected and meet H&S.

Speak to your private lettings officer at your local council about this

I wish I were closer to, Id happily babysit for you for a bag of space raiders and a twix

pounds_and_pensive

lil'H wrote:

Do you reakon it would be tax detuctable then!!!!;)

Perhaps you could suggest in your letter to Mr Blair that not only should Networking Nights Out be tax-deductable, Love Gods should be available on the NHS to women on benefits everywhere

karmashanti

Listen I know exactly what you mean.
I am a nurse and have been for 15 years. As I have a child I have to work half time to bring her to school and collect. My husband a nurse too does agency work, so he can look after her in the school holidays. We both made £19,000 last year before NI and Tax. I have to pay all bills and get no suuport with rent, school meals etc.

We have no family at all in this country to help with childcare hence work part time.
I have done a masters and worked my butt off for the NHS.
To amke matters worse 500 jobs to go in my hospital before October and everything appears to be getting privatised.

I am telling you a job/man/masters makes no difference.
Enjoy your freedom and your son. You are lucky but you dont realise it !