I've had enough

lil'H

hi all,

I've hit rock bottom, I've just had enough of my whole situation. I'm 24 a single parent, who is trying to work, and do the best by my son so why does it seem i keep getting pushed further down.

Basically my son is starting school next week, part time (9am - 11.30) I desperately want a job and hate being on partial benefits, but childcare around here is £200 a week with a childminder, and that doesn't even include food! I can't get a council property so am paying private rate rent, which in this area is some of the most expensive in the country. Even if I got a job full time I wouldn't be able to get off housing benefit, to do that and cover chidcare i'd need to be earning around £33k a year. I've tried setting up as self employed, but I'm just not getting clients in, my other job is as a visiting speaker in schools, but that is obviously not able to offer huge numbers of hours. I also want to be able to pick up my son at least a few days a wekk as he's only 4 and shouldn't he be able to have that? Yet at the same time I am fed up with my own company and stuck in a rut, I'm bright (I have a degree with first class honours) yet I can't get a job to fit round our needs, and instead get to put up with my own comapny all day everyday, i'm bored i just want adult conversation.

I'm seriously thinking about going back onto income support as I just don't see the point right now, I've lost my free pescriptions, my son won't get free school meals (£8 a week) etc etc etc and I'm oonly actually less that £20 a week better off at the moment anyway. £20 which i'd be allowed to earn on income support.

My DS's father earlier in the summer suddenly walked out on him (he used to have him once a week) so I have no support and feel devestated for DS. I love my son to pieces but just want a night out with my mates, to feel 24 again, but babysitters cost. The thing that upsets me most is now that i'm a DFW I've realised just how little money I have coming in, even when my debts are cleared I won't have enough for new clothes, going out etc. I've signed up to do a masters one day a week this year to try and boost my earning power for when my son is at school full time, but it'll be a whole year before I can really start finding a proper job. I know people are in far worse situations, adn I'll be amazed if anyone has actually read all of this, I just felt the need to get it out of my system, and I'm sorry if its not really DFW related, but for me it's part of my DFW journey. I just want my life back, I just want to be 24 and with my mates having fun.

Sorry for moaning,
Lil'H

cantcope

:grouphug: No advice i'm afraid. Just sending you a hug.

LewisC_2

I just read your post, and it really is very upsetting to hear of someone in this situation. I don't really know enough of your situation to be able to offer any concrete advice - have you tried speaking to CAB or another organisation for advice and help?

Toomuchdebt

Oh hun I feel the same way you do much of the time-childcare is a nightmare and I too couldn't get a council house so the rent here is £750 a month.I don't have any good advice except to say hang in there.I'm lucky that my ex does take the kids(all 4 of them) for 2 nights a week.I'm so sorry you're having a hard time right now.

moxie_2

You say you can't get a council place, have you tried housing associations? I would have thought as a sigle parent you must have fairly high priority? I don't know where in the country you are, but another option is housing cooperatives. I've lived in a housing coop in London for over 20 years. I don't know how I would have coped as a single parent in London, without the cheap rent and the support of my neighbours.

**purpleprincess**

Awww, ((((hugs)))) for you hun. Whereabouts do you live? Don't apologise for moaning chick! xx

Brassic

Could you invite other mums/parents to come round with children and have a night in? Or get together with some of them to do a babysitting swap group? That's what we do, we have a friend of ours who also has 3 kids, and we take it in turns. Often it's only so dh and I can go for a walk on our own as we can't actually afford to do anything, but it's just nice to get out of the house and be together for a while.

lil'H

Brassic wrote:

Could you invite other mums/parents to come round with children and have a night in? Or get together with some of them to do a babysitting swap group? That's what we do, we have a friend of ours who also has 3 kids, and we take it in turns. Often it's only so dh and I can go for a walk on our own as we can't actually afford to do anything, but it's just nice to get out of the house and be together for a while.

Hey Brassic,
i have a couple of people who will have DS overnight on occassion, but DS is absolutely terrified a tthe moment that I am goign to walk out. When his father left he didn't give me any warnign just walked into the house and told DS "Daddys going away and doesn't want to see you ever again" DS had turned 4 a week before. Since then he is convinced I will leave too, so I am a bit apprehensive at the moment about him staying anywhere else. Once he's settled at school i'll reconsider, but he's so worried about that I don't want anything else to scare him. He thinks I won't come to pick him up from school, he even thinks that one night when he's asleep i'll just run away form him, especially if i've told him off that day. He believes his dad doesn't want to see him anymore as he was once naughty, I've tried to explain, but he's 4 and that's how four year olds see things.

as for getting other people over, none of my friends have children, and the mothers at DSs school all blank me (I'm the youngest by far) they are all married and financially secure enough to not be working, i've tried talking to them but they walk off back into their own groups.

I have been trying to get someone round for dinner once a week, my friend is coming over tommorrow which helps, but just need out of this house!

Lil'H

lil'H

moxie wrote:

You say you can't get a council place, have you tried housing associations? I would have thought as a sigle parent you must have fairly high priority? I don't know where in the country you are, but another option is housing cooperatives. I've lived in a housing coop in London for over 20 years. I don't know how I would have coped as a single parent in London, without the cheap rent and the support of my neighbours.

I live in Surrey, have applied to housing associations again they have nothing, I'm really low priority as I have a roof over my head, un the borough I live in they are seriously short on housing stock, my friend was in a 1 bed third floor flat with DD4 (with serious disabilities) DD2 (ADHD) and newborn as a single parent, all three needed carrying up the stairs by one person! She has now been moved but was there for ages thats how little stock there is.

Don't know much about housing co-operatives, can you tell me anymore?

melt71

Hi Lil'H

I can really give much advice regarding the childcare/job situation, it must be an absolute nightmare for you, but I just wanted to suggest that you go on to specific sites for mums such as https://www.netmums.com

I'm sure there are others - so if anybody can add to the list please post the links.

Basically you can post your details on there saying that you would like to meet for coffee or go to the park with your children etc with other mums in your area, as you are quite young I'm sure you'd be able to find other mums in exactly the same predicament. They may be desperate for a night out or even a night in with a dvd and a bottle of wine.

The swapping babysitting services sounds like a great idea - this could be something that happens through Netmums. I'm 100% certain you are not the only one in this position, so don't feel like you're strange for feeling frustrated. It's something that lots of mums struggle with.

Have you thought of a child related business that might also help you to meet people? Osborne Books or even one of the after school clubs/classes that you could run (there's all sorts of options). That way, you wouldn't need a babysitter but you will also get to meet lots of adults.

**purpleprincess**

It's a shame you don't live closer otherwise I would have been happy to babysit for you! Shame about the other mums at school.