Flippin' Families

niklepic

Can anyone help me with this one. Short story is (second thoughts might not be short!) oh's bro and wife split 2 years ago - still very volatile between them. They have 3 children together (18, 11, 7). He now has new gf who ex-wife hates. Something always kicks off whenever he picks up the kids - although he's in forces and away a lot on tour so this isn't often.

Anyway when bro and the ex split up i stayed pretty friendly with everyone as im not one to take sides and as ex lives locally we went for a few nights out to cheer her up and started a class together, however contact gradually decreased between us as she slowly moved on (and i had to give up class as oh shifts changed) and i haven't seen her since boxing day and have had a little contact via text and phone calls until easter. i did feel quite bad about this but in a way also a bit relieved as she's quite full on and quite a bit older than me and we didn't have that much in common.

OH Brother and his gf stayed with us over easter as they came up to visit oh's dad who had just been diagnosed with secondary liver cancer. Ex found out that they stayed and accused me of taking sides. i told her that i didn't want to fall out but he's oh's brother and is perfectly entitled to stay with us (i actually get on really well with his new gf). she backed off a little bit and said she didn't want to fall out either but i've heard anything from her since and I've kind of left it at that.

Anyhoo...I'm just about to send out wedding invitations and don't quite know how to handle the situation. If i'm honest i don't want ex there because i can't trust everyone to be in the same room without them arguing, however i would like their children to be there (bro's gf has 3 children herself who are also invited). How on earth do i invite the children and not their mum??

OH's sister got married in Feb and had the children there but not the ex but they've never particularly got on and ex was VERY upset that she hadn't been invited. OH's brother didn't go because he'd fallen out with his sister (although now resolved in light of their dad!)

Any ideas anyone of how to sort this situation? My family get on like a house on fire so I'm not used to all this family politics stuff :eek:.

lindaatno9

well, if it's the OH's brother they are his children, invite him and his children!
Family politics eh? We had exactly the same!!

Zazen999

Presumably; the bro's new girlfriend WILL be there, so if she kicks off every time she is around then you couldn't have her there anyway. Just tell her that you have spared her feelings and pre-empted the situation for her.

kazwookie

Stick bro's and the kids name on the invite and send it to bro.

Good luck.

katsmasterplan

By the way you've written it it seems like you have no interest in inviting the ex and don't really like her! So just don't invite her, it's your wedding after all and she shouldn't make you feel like you should. x

niklepic

It really is that simple isn't it - i don't like complicating an issue do I??!! I'm having major guilt issues for some reason!

lindaatno9

you're just trying to keep everyone happy and the most important person, you, isnt! Your day, your way. xx

Lexxi

niklepic wrote: »

It really is that simple isn't it - i don't like complicating an issue do I??!! I'm having major guilt issues for some reason!

I'm the same, I have family members that I don't get on with but I know there'll be trouble when they realise they're not invited. I would say that the guilt is because if it was me not invited I'd be hurt but they include me in so little that it doesn't affect me the same any more - if it wasn't for the fact I was related to them I wouldn't see them at all. Sorry to be no help at all