Other 'arf's Support Group.

Harloshred

I've read many threads of OH's on here and think that those of us with OH's who are in debt need some support of our own to try and get us through not only our OH's difficulties but also any additional ways of saving money 'cos of our OH's debt problems.
Please feel free to add any comments/suggestions/help.

GreyPilgrim

I suppose it's what you mean by OH, and whether marriage makes the debt burden shared. I certainly viewed my OH's debt burden as a shared burden for two reasons - namely because when I moved in with her (before we were married) she supported me while I sorted my life out financially. Then we married, and we focused on clearing her debts (my debts were bad, whilst hers were still in hand)

I can understand the resistance though - my missus is fiercely independant and there was a bit of resentment I think...but how could I eve think of trying to save money knowing that my wife was paying off debts + interest? Guess it's a tricky one.

GP

Harloshred

You're right GP it is a tricky one and it is up to each in each relationship, whether married or not but neverhteless it is hard when the OH has such a different attitude to money to myself and has made so life so much harder for other parties.
It feels, to me at least that the MSE'ers in relationships take the strain.

GreyPilgrim

To be fair, I think the problem lies in the 'lightbulb' moment not happening to both parties at the same time, and I think it's the same with any 'epiphany' type event...

I was a hardcore smoker, believed I was addicted to tabs and would never quit, then read a book which made me quit overnight. Couldn't believe how stupid I had been for smoking and how easy it was to quit, realised all of the withdrawal pangs and cravings were an illusion and never ever missed a cig. Then I became a real pain in the backside and preached to a lot of smoking friends about it. All I was trying to do was pass on the good news, and couldn't understand why they couldn't see how easy it was to quit smoking.

Similarly, a friend of mine found Jesus and did exactly the same thing to HIS friends (including me), and couldn't understand why we didn't see his point of view and got p***sed off with him!

I think the same thing is true of DFW's - we all hide our head in the sands thinking our debts are so huge that they will never go away and that nothing we do will ever change our situation. Then we realise that it is within our reach and all it takes is a bit of careful planning and a little bit of a "every penny saved counts" mindset...but because it doesn't happen at the same time as our OH's, we get frustrated because they won't see out point of view, and we end up having rows in tescos over the price of toilet rolls...:rotfl:

rog2

Harloshred wrote:

I've read many threads of OH's on here and think that those of us with OH's who are in debt need some support of our own to try and get us through not only our OH's difficulties but also any additional ways of saving money 'cos of our OH's debt problems.
Please feel free to add any comments/suggestions/help.

If it wasn't for my wife's support (and this forum of course) I would still be ignoring the problem. My wife has taken 100% to the DFW lifestyle - except, perhaps unfortunately, Tesco Value Bog Rolls:rolleyes: