Are your debts shared with your OH?

tbourner

I've seen a couple of posts where people say "I can ask my OH to help but they won't be happy about paying off my debt."
Is this just people who have been together a short time? Any married couples with children take this view?

I find it odd TBH, we've been married 2 years, living together 4, and everything is joint! We have 2 joint accounts and 1 individual account each.
A lot of the debt was mine to start with, but now we've had consolidations and all sorts so there's no way of knowing who owes what - maybe that's why it's easier to see it as joint?
Basically I deal with the cashflow, put all our income together and pay off what needs paying, it seems strange that a partner (note usage of the word) would stash their own money away and potentially be well off, leaving you to struggle with debts!

jwil

My DH has paid off some of my debts, but it is a loan and will be paid back. We have a joint account for the bills and household stuff, but otherwise we keep our wages separate and spend them how we want to.

My debts are my debts and I don't see why he should have to pay them off. He has used his inheritance to pay of his own debts, and some of mine, but he should be using that for himself so it will be paid back.

We share everything else, but I don't think it's fair he shares my debts, most of which were built up before I knew him.

ETA - we have been together for 7 years and married for 2.

d3mon4ngel

My debts are my debts. OH has said he wants to help me to pay them, as he believes that everything should be split 50/50. I disagree with this and as a result we only split the household bills and running of the car which we both use.

My debts are my past mistakes and my responsibility to clear - he should not have to pay anything for mistakes I made before I met him.

tbourner

I guess you can see "For richer, or poorer" in 2 different ways.

kaya

been together for 11 years, married for 5, everything is joint, debts(we have none now), bills, wages etc.. as you said in your post "partnership" and not a competition to see who has the most money to spend or save

jwil

I don't see how me paying MY OWN debts means that we are not a partnership nor how we are in competition???

Jo_R_2

Interesting.

My view is that my debts are MINE. Not OH's, he didn't have anything to do with them as they existed before I met him. I take responsibility for them.

However. We balance our incomings and outgoings. This means we have very roughly an equal proportion of our money coming in on our respective outgoings (he pays rent/car insurance/groceries and I pay bills and my debt repayments.)

He tends to pay for treats though I'll happily do the treating if he's short and I'm not - in that sense we're both happy with the situation. He has been resentful in the past due to the amount of income my debt repayments have taken up as a proportion of our household income; now what I repay has dropped to a third of what it was six months ago due to debts being paid off so I have a lot more surplus.

I should add we had a unique(ish!) situation in that OH felt he was being required to 'sub' my ex - this arising because OH and the ex were friends before I knew either of them, and led to a lot of bitterness from OH as he saw ex going off on holidays and buying a new house whilst we were struggling repaying a loan mainly due to my ex's spending (in my name) and me not working. Luckily due to a very generous gesture by the ex's new wife, we no longer have that albatross round our necks so things are a lot easier emotionally - and financially!:D