PLEASE HELP......I can't do this anymore

Prince_Derek

Hi,

Other people will have better practical advice than I could ever give, so I'll let them deal with that side of it.

I went bankrupt yesterday after basically procrastinating for three years. In those three years I paid absolutley zero, nada, zilch to any of my creditors (and there were quite a few!) so 10 months is very small beer, so don't worry about that.

What I've learned is that inertia is deadly. Once I'd actually started to do something proactive, actually started to take some control back, the situation got so much better. Action conquers fear. Of course, it's a Catch 22 because you never realise this until you're actually doing it.

Above all do not feel any shame. The world kicks us all about one way or another and it just has to be dealt with. Don't let bankruptcy define who or what you are - it's just a bump in the road. Look forward to the day when it will just be something that happened to you in the past.

Draw strength from your family.

Good luck.

yorkshiredee

Just wanted to drop by and say hello 1inamilliyon. Your circumstances feel rather familiar. I am single mum to 2 children. When my ex husband left our second child was only weeks old. I had to move out of our family home as it came with his job I have since had to move 3 times due to landlords wanting their houses back. I am now settled in a house but it is my 4th house in less than 5 yrs.

I am 32k in debt tried an IVA and days off it failing so now need to get my head round br. My debt occured through wanting to give my children everything that they would of had if he had not left. tried to compensate for the lack of family in their little lives.

I wish you well and I am sure we will all get through this. Depression is horrid but you have got through a lot in the past by what you write you must be a strong person .

Dxx

freewilly_2

good morning

you need to sit down and breath. there are a lot of things going on for you and you need to list them in priority one thing at a time.

the first thing you need to do is to go CAB and they will help you to do this. if you are on the sick half pay, how much more time will you get paid for before wages stop. that gives you some kind of time frame for the future.

see GP and get some antidepressents they will help you through and when you feel more settled you can stop taking them.

you have got all the household goods you need to start a new home with and these are your comfort blankets for you and your kids.

you need to get a roof over your heads and find a new place. CAB can advise you on homeless arrangements if things get desperate.

one thing at a time. my heart goes out to you. i have been there as have so many others seeking comfort by trying to buy it. you will look back on this in the future and see how far you have travelled and what you have learnt about yourself and your resilience. keep saying to yourself I AM A SURVIVOR. there are no handsome princes out there and if you think you have found one when you kiss him he turns into a frog.

YOU ARE A SURVIVOR - GET TO CAB

in my heart and thoughts

p24hrsmith

Bankruptcy is no more of a nightmare then what you are going through now, the difference is you will know when its going to end. When I went bankrupt it was for 2 years I felt the relief as soon as I walked out of the court, I didn't really know fully what was going to happen next but I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Within a matter of weeks the phone stopped ringing, the letters stopped coming and I felt good again. 8 years on I have no regrets and think it was the best thing I ever did.

josmidge

Hi,

Right no doubt more help is on the way but i feel the need to say this more than anything else, everything is going to be alright, it always works out for the best in the end and god knows i know that it doesn't feel like that right now. I have 3 kids myself and i've been there i understand and many more of us on here have been there or are going there now. You are amongst friends here we wont judge you or be harsh with you.

You wont be jailed mate and no it wont affect you benefits as this is what the law states that you need to survive on. As for your other questions i have thoughts on but i am not sure so i'd rather keep them to myself right now.

You have done the right thing coming on here it's the first step accepting and begining to deal with your debts, you should feel proud that you have taken the reigns and are starting to steer in the right direction. Chin up you cant fall any further the only way is upwards and onwards.

Jo

1inamillyon

Thank you all for your replies and for making me feel much better about the whole thing. Your kind words have shown me i'm not alone and so many of you have been where I am.

I am about to start another thread regards a particular question I have that is worrying me considerably at the moment.

Again, thanks to you all.

Oh and I have just been on the phone to National Debtline who were great and have advised me that BR is definately the best way forward for me.

Sunnylooloo

Hi 1inamillyon, glad you are feeling slightly better.

I am glad you National Debtline were good to you.

Take care and there are lots of people here to help you

xx

julietormesby

Many years ago (early 1980s) I started working for the Official Receiver. In those days Bankruptcy was very different to how it is today. For instance someone from the office visited your home and took an inventory of everything in it, I think you were allowed to keep the tools of yhour trade, bedding and personal items like clothes. Everything else was put in the hands of auctioneers to see what money they could raise. There was the first meeting of creditors then the Public Examination (in Court). No such thing as discharge after 1 year. I was very upset having to work there and thought it was dreadful. One day I mentioned my thoughts to the Assistant Official Receiver, one of the old kind who said to me "please don't think like that in fact we are relieving them of a lot of worry, after all no more phone calls, no more letters, no more Bailiffs etc. He was right it is an almightly releiving act, the slate is wiped clean and a new start made.

I hope this helps.

gemmay1

1inamillyon wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your help and support, its good to know there are people who will listen and help. I think I should give you some more info about my circumstances and then you can have a look and guide me what to do next.

I warn you that it is not good and like I said before, I am totally ashamed so please don't be too hard on me.

After my 1st partner (father of 2 eldest) left me (2001) I had no choice but to sell our home. I was left with loans we took together but in my name only. I paid these off with the money from the house sale and went rented. I was very depressed at the time as my family had been so rudely snatched away from me by an office junior with a big bust!!! I toom to spending in a big way and ran up all the credit cards I had. At the moment of spending I felt so much better, but still cried every night when the kids were in bed. I started to take out more cards and max them up. I then took a loan to consolidate, promising myself I wouldnt do it again........of course I did!!!

I then met my second partner (father of youngest) who controlled everything I did and every penny I had, he also beat me. I used to find comfort in shopping for things he wouldnt let me have.....or the odd night out on the credit card (i had to say my mum gave me money to go out).

I eventually plucked up the courage to get rid of him, and proceeded to completely revamp the house as a method of cleansing, this was only cosmetic and new ornaments and curtains, beds and the like as I still rent. I never bought anything extravagent and have nothing to show for all that money, yes I have a nice home but it's not by any means posh or full of expensive things.....I am a bargain hunter and I have no designer clothes.....I don't even have a flatscreen TV. What did I do with it all????

I then took another loan and so on and so on. i now have 30,000 in debt and have paid nothing towards my loan or any cards for 10 months.

10 months ago I spoke to CCCS who advised me BR was my only option, the reason I stopped paying was because I wanted to prove to myself that I could live within my means if I had no debt to pay.....I have proved to myself that I can. But obviously I am being stalked by various companies for the money I owe. I have also being served a CCJ that I started having to pay on FEB '10 (I am paying this as I am scared of baliffs).

I have always worked but pay quite high childcare costs, but as I have 3 children I get good tax credits and some help towards my rent and council tax. In AUG '09 I got promoted on a secondment at work and only realised 2 weeks ago that I had not let housing benefit know and I have now been overpaid £1400. i thought I was flush but it never crossed my mind....stupid girl I know.

I have now been off work with stress and depression because of all this for the last 6 weeks and am due to go on half pay.....so now my HB is going to dramatically reduce and so is my income.....great!

To top it off I am having to move house as my landlord wnats the property back to move in himself, the only property I can find that is suitable for work, schools, size etc is £100 more a month than I pay now.

I would like to add that I have never missed any payments for a single houshold bill, rent or council tax.

My questions are

1, Will I be punished because I am moving into a house that is £100 more a month.

2, Will I be in trouble for spending all that money.

3, Will I get sent to prison?

4, What will they say about me not paying anything for all those months? I could have paid a bit to each but needed to learn to manage my money. I know I should have gone BR straight away instead of doing the way I have.

5, can I include HB overpayment in BR?

6, Will BR affect my benefits?

I'm really sorry this is so long but I am crying so much and just couldn't stop typing. I wanted to be totally honest with you all so you can help me.

Thank you xx

All i can suggest is contact CAB i got a caseworker and he has done more or less everything for me,im at court next week to go banktrupt and only the people i have told know im going banktrupt so really your family wouldnt really need to find out.
I know how u feel i was feeling really low and even thought about taking my own life before i sorted my mess out.
Hope you get sorted soon.xxx

WRINKLES

calm down stand back take a deep breath first of all being in debt is not a criminal offence they do not send you to australia anymore or put you in the stocks they can not take from you what you dont have get an appointment with citizens advice take a friend with you if you can for support look after the kids they need you to be well look after yourself and best of luck keep posting you will get lotts of help here in so many ways