PLEASE HELP......I can't do this anymore

sizzler

great advice and good luck.

Let us know how you get on and if you need us were here.:)

sizzler

immoral_angeluk

First things first, are you getting all of the benefits you are eligible for? What are your family circumstances. Any illnesses/disabilities? Are you receiving your child maintenance?

How did the overpayment occur? When was the letter dated and have you put in an appeal?

What stage are the debts at? Any CCJs? court letters? Bailiff action?

You need to do a financial statement, the link to one has been provided above. If you do this then we can get a better idea of what your situation is.

What is the total number/value of your debts? Bankruptcy is generally a last option as there may be something more suitable.

As others have said CAB, CCCS, National debtline are are to provide free advice and assistance but if you post as much as possible on here we may be able to give you an idea of what you're looking at.

Whoopy

Agree with others. Citizens Advice were great for me. The guy knew what he was talking about and helped me alot. I was terrified too. Hated all the letters and phone calls...but they do stop.

Don't worry about over payment with housing benefit either. They shouldn't ask for a lump sum, should take a few pounds off your weekly/monthly amount. Did this for me. Only diff is they overpayed me council tax which I am still repaying as couldnt be included in BR

confused76

hi there
i'm sorry to hear you're feeling so rotten. please don't beat yourself up over it though, it's not worth it. you and your kids come first.

i can only echo what the others have said about talking to a debt charity - i spoke to the national debtline who were fab, so helpful and not judgemental. they gave me my options and sent me some info through the post to help me make my mind up.

you're not alone, we'll help in any way we can
chin up x

MissCynical

Hey 1inamillyon... love the name too, but really you're probably 1inthousands whose best option is to go down the bankruptcy route. I rang CCCS last year before I went bankrupt but they were overwhelmed with clients and there was quite a wait for an appointment. The CAB are fantastic and I feel the face-to-face approach is far better. They can look through your paperwork for you, see whether there are any time limits that need immediate attention etc and if you're on your knees they will often write to creditors for you. I'm a single parent with two children and have experienced first-hand what you're going through. We did the 'dirty deed' last year and I'm now discharged.... Try not to focus on the negatives and look at all the positive outcomes from this. Things probably can't seem more bleak for you at the moment but once you start tackling this well, you're on the road to a healthier and less stressful existence - which can only be of benefit to you and your children. Like mental health used to have a stigma attached to it and was rarely talked about, so did bankruptcy. In today's current financial climate bankruptcy is no bad thing and quite common. The more you talk to people the more you realise that you're not going through it on your own. If the whole process of bankruptcy seems overwhelming now then maybe make yourself a little To-Do list and start chipping away at it. You need to do the Income and Expenditure List, gather statements for all creditors etc. The main debts you need to try to sort out first are priority debts such as mortgage/rent, council tax, utilities etc. I don't know your circumstances, total amounts owed, whether working etc but maybe bankruptcy isn't your only option. Please get help as soon as you can and best of luck. xx

Sterlingsilver

Please don't worry about this, I'm afraid I can't be much help on the technicalities. However I completely understand that life is difficult especially with all the temptations, and it's at times much easier to just escape debt problems by ignoring them, and spending even more.

Before I came to this forum I was wreck, however after reading the posts and threads, I now am so much more secure, and now know what my rights are. So just take a deep breath, and you will be okay. Help is available, it's just where to start, and this forum I hope will help.

Wish you all the best.

Silver
x

blind-as-a-bat_2

Hi 1inamillyon, i know your lurking, and can guess you dont know what to post, been there done that

It does not matter what you post, just talk (or type), it helps, you are completely anonymous here, so if you cant face talking to one of the debt charities yet, that’s fine, you will need too eventually, but we can help build you up to that, all you need to do is let us

Regards


Blind

GettingHopeful

Hi 1inamillyon. Just to echo everyone else's advise. Lots of lovexxx

1inamillyon

Thank you all so much for your help and support, its good to know there are people who will listen and help. I think I should give you some more info about my circumstances and then you can have a look and guide me what to do next.

I warn you that it is not good and like I said before, I am totally ashamed so please don't be too hard on me.

After my 1st partner (father of 2 eldest) left me (2001) I had no choice but to sell our home. I was left with loans we took together but in my name only. I paid these off with the money from the house sale and went rented. I was very depressed at the time as my family had been so rudely snatched away from me by an office junior with a big bust!!! I toom to spending in a big way and ran up all the credit cards I had. At the moment of spending I felt so much better, but still cried every night when the kids were in bed. I started to take out more cards and max them up. I then took a loan to consolidate, promising myself I wouldnt do it again........of course I did!!!

I then met my second partner (father of youngest) who controlled everything I did and every penny I had, he also beat me. I used to find comfort in shopping for things he wouldnt let me have.....or the odd night out on the credit card (i had to say my mum gave me money to go out).

I eventually plucked up the courage to get rid of him, and proceeded to completely revamp the house as a method of cleansing, this was only cosmetic and new ornaments and curtains, beds and the like as I still rent. I never bought anything extravagent and have nothing to show for all that money, yes I have a nice home but it's not by any means posh or full of expensive things.....I am a bargain hunter and I have no designer clothes.....I don't even have a flatscreen TV. What did I do with it all????

I then took another loan and so on and so on. i now have 30,000 in debt and have paid nothing towards my loan or any cards for 10 months.

10 months ago I spoke to CCCS who advised me BR was my only option, the reason I stopped paying was because I wanted to prove to myself that I could live within my means if I had no debt to pay.....I have proved to myself that I can. But obviously I am being stalked by various companies for the money I owe. I have also being served a CCJ that I started having to pay on FEB '10 (I am paying this as I am scared of baliffs).

I have always worked but pay quite high childcare costs, but as I have 3 children I get good tax credits and some help towards my rent and council tax. In AUG '09 I got promoted on a secondment at work and only realised 2 weeks ago that I had not let housing benefit know and I have now been overpaid £1400. i thought I was flush but it never crossed my mind....stupid girl I know.

I have now been off work with stress and depression because of all this for the last 6 weeks and am due to go on half pay.....so now my HB is going to dramatically reduce and so is my income.....great!

To top it off I am having to move house as my landlord wnats the property back to move in himself, the only property I can find that is suitable for work, schools, size etc is £100 more a month than I pay now.

I would like to add that I have never missed any payments for a single houshold bill, rent or council tax.

My questions are

1, Will I be punished because I am moving into a house that is £100 more a month.

2, Will I be in trouble for spending all that money.

3, Will I get sent to prison?

4, What will they say about me not paying anything for all those months? I could have paid a bit to each but needed to learn to manage my money. I know I should have gone BR straight away instead of doing the way I have.

5, can I include HB overpayment in BR?

6, Will BR affect my benefits?

I'm really sorry this is so long but I am crying so much and just couldn't stop typing. I wanted to be totally honest with you all so you can help me.

Thank you xx

blind-as-a-bat_2

1inamillyon wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your help and support, its good to know there are people who will listen and help. I think I should give you some more info about my circumstances and then you can have a look and guide me what to do next.

I warn you that it is not good and like I said before, I am totally ashamed so please don't be too hard on me.

After my 1st partner (father of 2 eldest) left me (2001) I had no choice but to sell our home. I was left with loans we took together but in my name only. I paid these off with the money from the house sale and went rented. I was very depressed at the time as my family had been so rudely snatched away from me by an office junior with a big bust!!! I toom to spending in a big way and ran up all the credit cards I had. At the moment of spending I felt so much better, but still cried every night when the kids were in bed. I started to take out more cards and max them up. I then took a loan to consolidate, promising myself I wouldnt do it again........of course I did!!!

I then met my second partner (father of youngest) who controlled everything I did and every penny I had, he also beat me. I used to find comfort in shopping for things he wouldnt let me have.....or the odd night out on the credit card (i had to say my mum gave me money to go out).

I eventually plucked up the courage to get rid of him, and proceeded to completely revamp the house as a method of cleansing, this was only cosmetic and new ornaments and curtains, beds and the like as I still rent. I never bought anything extravagent and have nothing to show for all that money, yes I have a nice home but it's not by any means posh or full of expensive things.....I am a bargain hunter and I have no designer clothes.....I don't even have a flatscreen TV. What did I do with it all????

I then took another loan and so on and so on. i now have 30,000 in debt and have paid nothing towards my loan or any cards for 10 months.

10 months ago I spoke to CCCS who advised me BR was my only option, the reason I stopped paying was because I wanted to prove to myself that I could live within my means if I had no debt to pay.....I have proved to myself that I can. But obviously I am being stalked by various companies for the money I owe. I have also being served a CCJ that I started having to pay on FEB '10 (I am paying this as I am scared of baliffs).

I have always worked but pay quite high childcare costs, but as I have 3 children I get good tax credits and some help towards my rent and council tax. In AUG '09 I got promoted on a secondment at work and only realised 2 weeks ago that I had not let housing benefit know and I have now been overpaid £1400. i thought I was flush but it never crossed my mind....stupid girl I know.

I have now been off work with stress and depression because of all this for the last 6 weeks and am due to go on half pay.....so now my HB is going to dramatically reduce and so is my income.....great!

To top it off I am having to move house as my landlord wnats the property back to move in himself, the only property I can find that is suitable for work, schools, size etc is £100 more a month than I pay now.

I would like to add that I have never missed any payments for a single houshold bill, rent or council tax.

My questions are

1, Will I be punished because I am moving into a house that is £100 more a month.No because you havelittle choice

2, Will I be in trouble for spending all that money.Hmmm, i didnt, so doubt you will (my debt was £38k)

3, Will I get sent to prison?NO! Being in debt is a civil matter, not criminal, unless you commited fraud to obtain credit, dont confuse fraud with desperation

4, What will they say about me not paying anything for all those months? I could have paid a bit to each but needed to learn to manage my money. I know I should have gone BR straight away instead of doing the way I have.

OH has not paid anything for 26 months, trust me, thats not an issue

5, can I include HB overpayment in BR? Possibly yes, but that is complicated, so best to look on that with fresh eyes later

6, Will BR affect my benefits?NO!, long term but see above answer, it may during your period of BR

I'm really sorry this is so long but I am crying so much and just couldn't stop typing. I wanted to be totally honest with you all so you can help me.

Thank you xx

One rule here, you never need to say sorry!

Im a 6ft 3In bloke, built like a brick s**t house, and i cried when i realised the mess i was in, like i said, i have been there;)