Just discovered husband's problem ebay use

Ames

I agree with the people who say it could be escapism and stress relief. I've had a big problem with ebaying in the past, the only way I got over it was because I got banned (I carried on bidding on things even when I was moving house and didn't have the new internet connection set up, madness! I'm also pretty sure there were things I won which I didn't even get because of moving). So I had no access to ebay for 3 years. My account's been reinstated now, and I'm a lot more sensible about it, I do buy a lot on there but it's things I'd buy anyway - clothes because I'm losing weight, for instance.

So I'd agree you need to talk to him about why, and if he's stressed or depressed get him to talk to the GP about it.

This might sound stupid, but there's an ex gamblers thread on here, it might be worth reading just to get a handle on addictions? I started reading it because I was living with a gambling addict, but I've recognised a lot of my own behaviour patterns in the stories there.

nutsohazelnuts

It's become something of a hobby for him hasn't it?

Any pattern in what he's been buying or is it all kinds of random items?

I agree with others that this can become an addiction and suggest that he sets up as an eBay seller and the rule is he can spend what he makes and no more.

Unfortunately you may have to police his efforts - unless there is somebody else that you both trust to do the job.

For me, the deceit would be more concerning than the money itself, but if he backslides more than once after this then perhaps his access to the family finances should be limited.

Leesmom

I have had a very similar addiction to ebay myself, went on for around 6-7 years, mostly i was spending money i had but about 2 years ago i got a new credit card and in a short space of time i had spent almost £3000 on it! SHOCK! It was an online account, no paper bills and i never used to bother going online much to find out how much i owed, such a silly thing to do.

This stopped me for a while but then i restarted but far more cautiously and until very recently, hubby was made redundant in february, myself in april, hubby had a good payout thankfully, i have used some of his redundancy money on ebay, mainly stuff we needed, a new bed for example, i also buy clothes for my sisters children as she has six and she is on benefits, so have not spent a fortune, but really i guess i shouldnt have spent any at all, but i found it almost impossible to stop, but over the months i did slow down and i think this is key, realizing we were going to be on a such tight budget of jsa, i knew i wouldnt be in the posistion to buy anything, not even anything cheap or a bargain that i always convinced myself the items were, hubbys money is nearly all gone, we are facing bankruptcy, the last time i bought from ebay was several weeks ago, before i would buy at least a few times per week.

My reason for stopping was kind of forced upon me, redundancy with no new employment on the horizon, but believe when i say never in a million years did i see this happening, 8 months ago we was living the life of riley with great income no stresses and no worries, debts yes but plenty of money to pay them and still buy more stuff!

What i am trying to say is you just never know whats around the corner, you seem to know this already your OH doesnt, i hope you can get through to him because i wouldnt want to see anyone else go through what we are.

My suggestion is sit down and be honest with him about how you feel, yes get him to sell stuff, rather than buy! Then maybe work out a buget he can spend but is never allowed to go over it unless he makes the money himself by selling!

Good luck with it, i truly hope things work out for you guys.

jojitsui

BIG CYBER CWTCHES!!!

You have every right to be livid... what he has done is very selfish and has caused you a great deal of hurt, but as you say he is a good husband and a good father so it is not worth doing anything too drastic.

£500 in 90 days is a great deal if you are on a tight budget but it is easily done especially if he wasn’t keeping track.
Try and find out what the reason are behind his impulse purchases. Stress, boredom, it’s an easy thing to do, he likes to give you and the baby nice “treats” and then work out new ways of coping with the problem…. Long walks, phone call conversations, free gaming sites etc.

He could auction off all the items he has bought and maybe some more and then close his account so he is not tempted. He could also become a regular on this site to keep him motivated and to get handy money saving tips.

It might be that he (like myself) is rubbish with money and you could help by going through some simple budgeting techniques.

Hope you manage to sort it out J