BrainG's Story

briang78

Hi folks,

I have been reading your board over the last weeks and it has been a great comfort. A lot of people here are in a similar position to myself and are dealing so well with such a horrible situation. I thank you and admire you all so much.

It has helped me realise that everything will be ok, but the next few weeks will be hard. The process stage if you like. I have been putting it off for months and months.

Before I start my tale I will just share with you that when I was signing up for this board the verification words were 'peasant man'. Somebody has a sense of humour on a Monday morning.

Anyway, my story.

I am 31 years old and from the South of England. I am single with no children.

I'm a graduate and I had a good job for the first few years after uni. I had a 100% mortgage of £90k. As prices went up I borrowed more. A car. A new pc. A new tv. I was acquiring loans, cards and an equity release to pay for these things.

Back in 2005 I started my own business. I needed to borrow more to fund this business.

Anyway the business was slow to take off and by the start of 2007 I was on a DMP.

My property was worth £130k and the mortgage by that stage was £108k. My loans/cards were at £36k. Should I have sold my property and paid an early settlement ... yes. Did I stick with my property as we all MUST own property ... yes. Hindsight hey?

The whole of 2008 I spent a lot of time wondering where my business would go over the coming months. As it provided a non essential service trade dropped off. I worked out I had lost a third of my customers and the what remained was precarious.

To add to this my mother is ill with Alzheimers. So I was needed at home to help look after her.

I decided to end the business at the start of this year. Since then I have not paid my DMP or my mortgage. Letters come but they get stuffed in a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind.

I tend to sleep well considering the situation but it is never far away. I have told a number of my friends and family what is happening. However, there are a lot of people I haven't seen and don't want to see. I imagine they will be feeling quite smug when they hear the news. I'm sure we all appreciate this scenario.

I need to go BR. I want to go BR so I can feel this relief that everyone on here expresses after the event. But I just can't. Something stops me every day. I just keep putting it off.

I need to start claiming benefits as I'm out of work. The paperwork arrives but I just haven't filled it in. Once again I just keep putting it off.

I suffer from Keepputtingitoff-itus.

I know that I need to do it all and I need to have it done and dusted by this week. I'm so scared in a way. I keep telling myself how fortunate I am as a lot of people are doing this with children to consider. Also there are millions of people on this planet in a worse situation than me. However, I still can't just go ahead and do it.

I just feel like I'm doing something wrong. That I am a failure. I shouldn't be in this situation, but I am because I'm such a fool.

Anyway, apologies if this post is all over the place. I'm trying to write it all down and have my Mother in the background asking me the same question over and over.

B

money_penny_26

briang welcome to the forum more experts will be along soon i just wanted to say hello an to know you are not alone..we all felt like this at the start,keep putting it off its kinda normal.then you get your what we call on here the lightbulb moment.then you relise you cant put it off.do seek advice proffesionally an after this it just seems to happen as you go along with the flow so to speak.peeps will be here all the way with advice dont pay anyone for this advice. keep going then you will feel the releif,an also will have learnt a lot,about yourself,your friends,an just how strong you are ...so get it done, regards penny x

MicheH

Aw Brian. You know who it is that beats us up most.. us.. you! When I realised we had to go BR I was mortified, I felt cheap, a big fat failiure, a liar a coward almost. I was ashamed man I tell you.

You know what you need to do. You know and you know that the harrassment will get worse and worse if you let it continue mate, yeah? I'd love to be able to write here that you're doing the very best thing by puttin it off, well done for having your pride but no. Pride really does come before a fall hun.

You have friends here, you have people from all walks of life in allsorts of different circumstances all of which are going or have been BR for many many different reasons. It's a tough process for a couple of weeks and maybe that bit longer (if you're a weak idiotic female who enjoys beating her self up! )

The helplines are in the sticky on the front page. You really must get professional advice or you wont be granted BR okai dokai. It's obvious you're insolvant but mate, it wasn't for the want of trying.

I have heard the bankruptcy process being likened to grief and it is but there's a certain amount of regret too. Why did I think it was perfectly fine to control my finces the way I did, why did I believe the lenders were helping me?? I feel like a fool too for different reasons than you believe me, mine is down to lack of education and sheer gullableness - not a word i'm sure!

Bite the bullet - get this out of the way then move on with your life, in a few weeks you could have a new start. The sooner you get the ball rolling the sooner these feelings of regret, shame and foolishness will pass for relief. Go, pick up the phone, get that help and start the process

ToriD29

B, you are not doing anything wrong at all. I went br two weeks ago and the relief is
enormous now it is all sorted. you will get lots of support from people on here and if you have any questions just ask. Good luck x

briang78

cheers penny for the reply

i totally agree that when i come through it i will be stronger ... it's just that leap to getting there. it's so scary.

i guess the fear is that somehow i have done something wrong.

briang78

Cheers Tori and Miche

Your posts are of comfort to me as I know that a lot of people are in a similar situation.

I will ring CCCS tomorrow. I had a DMP with them.

My circumstances are complex as I also have loans for the business which is a limited company. However I think they are ultimately in my name. I had a car for the business which was in my name. I also had a bank loan which is secured against my property. So I hope I can just do it once in my name rather than twice, once in my name and once in the company name. Any ideas on this?

Once again thanks and i'm sure I will post some more details and I will be asking questions.

Hopefully I'll be like you wise old sages helping the newbs out like me.

briang78

One thing to note is the benefits.

I put the claim in back in March. They lost the paperwork on the original claim. I need to resend the paperwork but haven't got round to it yet. One of the things I keep putting off.

Does that money get backdated? If so would that go towards the Bankruptcy?

eveningstar201

Dear BrianG,

Don't beat yourself up over the fact that you keep putting this off. It took me six months to get the courage to go bankrupt. I had a pile of letters from creditors stuffed in a drawer that I was too scared to open. It takes courage to face your problems. I hope you will go and get some advice. As you have a company too, your situation is too complex to handle on your own. Don't worry about your fair-weather friends. If a friend can't be there for you during something like a bankruptcy, they are not worth having. And trust me and everyone else on this forum when we say that the sense of relief after it's all over more than compensates for the stress before. I wish you all the very best of luck!

Darnit_2

Briang78, you have classic symptoms of depression mate. I am not a doctor, but being unable to make decisions is definitley up there. The situation at home is compounding this. Is there no-one you trust who can help you open those envelopes and fill out the forms over a cuppa or three? If not, I think some of the debt agencies will actually send someone out to your home to help you. Not sure which one. same with benefits, you can get a benefit advisor to do a visit, I would bet you are entitled to quite a lot as you are a carer for your mother, who sounds like should be getting DLA.

Regarding the "friends" do any of them have to find out? You aren't obliged to tell anyone, they will just see you wind up any residue from the business and start afresh, they don't have to know any of the personal facts? Unless they search on the insolvency register or London Gazette, they won't find out. By then you will be sorted and you won't care anyway.

Keep on posting fella, we are here to help you along the way.