Help Me please - SOA attached - advise req'd

Katie-Kat-Kins

Are you sure there isn't space for him? You wouldn't really need extra space...... or could you move in with him???

I know you say he can't afford to help financially but if you rented a place together whilst not what you really want your joint spend on rent and utilities would come down.

Or could he get a mortgage on his own and you live with him? My friend bought a house with her boyfriend and he was an undischarged bankrupt, because his name couldn't go on anything she got the mortgage in her name and their solicitors drew up a contract for their protection.

Is he staying with you often or eating with you? If so can you ask him to contribute to the shopping?

I really feel for your situation I can see that you have come along way already. It does seem that the rent and the childcare are the big expenses and that one way to tackle these would be to move.

desperate+determined

KatP wrote: »

Are you sure there isn't space for him? You wouldn't really need extra space...... or could you move in with him???

I know you say he can't afford to help financially but if you rented a place together whilst not what you really want your joint spend on rent and utilities would come down.

Or could he get a mortgage on his own and you live with him? My friend bought a house with her boyfriend and he was an undischarged bankrupt, because his name couldn't go on anything she got the mortgage in her name and their solicitors drew up a contract for their protection.

Is he staying with you often or eating with you? If so can you ask him to contribute to the shopping?

I really feel for your situation I can see that you have come along way already. It does seem that the rent and the childcare are the big expenses and that one way to tackle these would be to move.

Maybe i have a complicated life..

Boyfriend just sold his house, made very little from it. talking hundreds not thousands. currently renting has 1 month left then has to move. my house is small, he could move in but when he sees his children nowhere for them to sleep. and 4 in a bed doesn't do it for me. (trying to smile whilst typing)

He's seeing a mortgage advisor this coming week, as houseprices to buy are low, (where as rentals gone up) if he could get a mortgage we'd be laughing, well not as tight.

He does stay over and he does buy food, he does so much for me (prob dont deserve him)

on positive side, just comparing car insurances, i've found one that is £103 per year cheaper, but to cancel my insurance its one months premium + admin fee - totally £37.50 is it worth doing? daft question i know.

Katie-Kat-Kins

Progress!!!

The insurance is great news! Well done!

When your boyfriend's lease is up could he move in with you temporarily? It would give you both chance to save so you could hit your debts and he could save a bit more towards buying and the associated fees. While he is there you can be looking for a place to buy. Given that you have two years to run on the IVA he could buy the property in his name, you could move in and pay half the bills and have an agreement that after your IVA is up your name goes on all the documents, you could make a contract to protect you and your son's interest in the house and your boyfriend's investment.

While he is living with you you could probably find space for his children, I'm guessing it is alternate weekends or something.... Some camp beds (freecycle?) in your son's room and the lounge could sort this until you are able to buy or rent a bigger place between you. A little bit of making do can even be fun!!!

It is great that your boyfriend is supportive and helpful, sounds like it is the relationship you deserve.

In the meantime get looking for a better job or seek an internal promotion to up your income. Put some pressure on the CSA, explain your difficulties to them they might be able to fast track things. And try a pocket money job to hit your debts with, think avon, betterware, delivering papers or flyers, ironing, etc so that you don't need extra childcare.

And try some meal planning on the old style board too! It is very satisfying!

elfen

Oh, if you have skills and experience in marketing, could you phone up some old contacts and get some freelance work to ease things a bit as well?

desperate+determined

KatP wrote: »

Progress!!!

The insurance is great news! Well done!

When your boyfriend's lease is up could he move in with you temporarily? It would give you both chance to save so you could hit your debts and he could save a bit more towards buying and the associated fees. While he is there you can be looking for a place to buy. Given that you have two years to run on the IVA he could buy the property in his name, you could move in and pay half the bills and have an agreement that after your IVA is up your name goes on all the documents, you could make a contract to protect you and your son's interest in the house and your boyfriend's investment.

While he is living with you you could probably find space for his children, I'm guessing it is alternate weekends or something.... Some camp beds (freecycle?) in your son's room and the lounge could sort this until you are able to buy or rent a bigger place between you. A little bit of making do can even be fun!!!

It is great that your boyfriend is supportive and helpful, sounds like it is the relationship you deserve.

In the meantime get looking for a better job or seek an internal promotion to up your income. Put some pressure on the CSA, explain your difficulties to them they might be able to fast track things. And try a pocket money job to hit your debts with, think avon, betterware, delivering papers or flyers, ironing, etc so that you don't need extra childcare.

And try some meal planning on the old style board too! It is very satisfying!

thank you Kat.

desperate+determined

elfen wrote: »

Oh, if you have skills and experience in marketing, could you phone up some old contacts and get some freelance work to ease things a bit as well?

Hi, I have skills, but have never done freelance, so wouldn't really know where to start.

kissjenn

Verbatim wrote: »

As you rent and live so far from work would there be any point in moving closer to work? Are the jobs easier to find in that area as there wouldn't be much point if it's further away from where you'd be likely to find your next job.

Hi D&D

You've done so well to get this far and you're doing the right thing getting everything sorted while you and your son are both so young.

I echo what Verbatim says. A lot of your expenses are around travelling 60 miles a day to work. You are obviously paying the extra childcare while you travel.

I appreciate your son is due to start school but my query would be around where you're based.

If you're "in the sticks" then presumably you're travelling to a town or city to work and that's where you may find a better paid job as well. When your son starts school, childcare is often harder not easier as private nurseries offer much more flexible and consistent hours than schools. Not all have breakfast and after-school clubs and some in small schools they may not cater every day or do school holidays if numbers don't merit it.

Being in town, beside your job may cost more in rent but you'd save on travel and childcare and you'd free up a couple of hours a day in commuting time. Children in school don't get the rest periods as they do in nursery. Your son may be expected to be up and at it from 8am til 5:30pm non-stop, that's a long day for an adult never mind a 5 year old.

I'm sorry if that's hard but having been there and found out the hard way it's exhausting for everyone. If moving is a sensible lifestyle option then I'd be very tempted to look at that as it may save you the bulk of the additional money you need.

hettiecarro

Hi D & D

My question about your gender has nothing to do with the practical advise you will receive here - but no point in offering advice on socialising etc if it's the in the wrong context.

I agree that fairweather friends are the last thing you need at the moment.

Are there any other single mums in your area that you could team up with for a few hours?

Most people need adult company. Just taking the kids to the park can be therapeutic and blow a few cobwebs away. You may uncover some true friendships along the way. I have been surprised by how many other people find themselves up against it - there may be someone in your area RIGHT NOW with similar circumstances and problems

I have been a member on here for long - but I know already that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You WILL come through this - and hopefully you'll find the next 2 years will have been worthwhile.

Huh! Listen to me sounding all wise - and in a mess myself.

Chin up

elfen

desperate+determined wrote: »

Hi, I have skills, but have never done freelance, so wouldn't really know where to start.

Mainly ask at the companies you have worked for before, and ask if they have any, or they know of anyone who has any freelance work going. It's the contacts that'll help you the most.

DreamerHelen

Hi There, I'm so sorry that you're going through this rough time....

The one thing that stood out for me is that you feel like a failure...hey, we've ALL been there!! I'm 31 years old and 31k in debt, so I have a £1000 for each year of my Life!! At least you've had your Lightbulb Moment and you're doing something to sort it all out!!

In terms of suggestions I can really only echo what other's have said, but I'll see if I can help a little:

1) Remember that just next Month your little one is due to start school, that will free up a HUGE amount of money - You can either use to save a little or see if you can re-negotiate your IVA to pay it off quicker (only do this if you are sure that you can definitely make the larger repayments!!).

2) Can you renegotiate your hours at work a little? My Mum used to do 5 days per week but because of family issues she managed to reduce it down to 4 days per week but still kept the same pay - This would mean that you could possibly take a part-time job or something.

3) In terms of part-time Jobs - There are several that you can do from home. I wouldn't necessarily recommend the job that I do (I work on a Chatline) as it's hard work and not for everyone, but there are some Jobs that you CAN do. What about texting (see the "Saucy Jobs" thread in the Up your Income Board), Surveys on the Internet, Perhaps a Paper-Round (it'll keep you fit as well!!), Ann Summers Party Rep - Make sure you look on the "Up your Income" Board.

4) Definitely go look at the Old School Board - I know it's more difficult with a Child because they are not usually happy with having baked beans every night for tea....but you CAN reduce your Groceries.

5) Look around the House and see if you have thing that you can Ebay - You'd be surprised what people will buy!! It could be unwanted Presents that you have received or DVD's/CD's that you never watch anymore or even old clothes (even your Child's old clothes) that you have outgrown.

Lastly...believe in yourself!! We're all here to help....and you DO deserve the best in Life...you deserve a GREAT relationship and a Partner that will treat you like a princess...

Please please let us know how you're getting on and let us know if you are struggling and if you need help.....that's what we're here for!!