Engaged - but OH doesn't seem bothered!

clearing_out_my_pockets

Just thought I'd add my thoughts...

My OH proposed last year and we STILL haven't set a proper date. We have vague ideas, but it all comes down to finances.

Have you considered that maybe your OH is pondering how you're going to afford all of the things that make a wedding before he commits to a date? What me & OH did was work out a rough budget for all of the venues in a 5 mile radius, then work out a savings plan which gave us a date. Not terribly romantic, but it has given us something to work towards.

When OH proposed to me, I asked when he had envisaged getting married and how he saw the day panning out. He told me he thought that it was doable within 6 months of us living together and the wedding he described worked out at £18,000. To save that much in 6 months is a little ambitious! So maybe he just hasn't thought everything through and is worried about disappointing you.

floss2

We've been engaged for over 2 1/2 years, with no date in mind as yet......OH doesn't really talk about weddings much but he's quite good at throwing comments in every now & then (latest one being the lead time on ordering a wedding gown, prompted by a friend's panic that she wouldn't find a dress for September, so he now knows how much notice I need when he does get round to dates!)

Tigerlilley1980

Sounds just like a typical man to me! My H2B is only interested in things like the venue, the guest list, the food and what the dj plays, and as someone else has said I'm doing all the things such as favours and then showing him when they are finished. I really think you should talk to him though and find out what it is exactly he wants. If you are going to be husband and wife the foundations of the relationship rely on being able to talk things through. Hope you get it sorted out though, Tiger x

BeckyArch

My OH was the same for a while after the proposal.. It didn't really bother me because he asked me so he must have wanted it to happen! Anyway, he admitted to me a few days later that he was terrified! Everything was beginning to dawn on him..that this was it now, it was me and him forever (which he says wasn't a bad thing, just a strange thing to realise and get used to).

Anyway, the other day I went for a weekend away with friends, and when I got back he had completely changed, he told me that me being away really made him realise how much he wanted this, that he really didn't like the thought of me not being there with him etc, and that now he was really excited abouth the wedding. He even now seems to like going to wedding fairs! We've now booked the venue and so looking forward to the even!

I think men just have to get their heads round the commitment thing, it does seem more of an issue to them than it does to us.

So maybe he just needs a bit of time to get his head round it, and to come to terms with what is going to happen!

Hope it all works out for you like it seems to be doing for me!

:j

DMPDarling

My oh is the same! There is definitely a common trend here. He gave some input on the venue, and I will probably get some input on the food, but for the rest of it... if I start pointing at rings or bridesmaids dresses or table decorations all I get is loud fake crying and some sobbing about 'the end of days' like you say - its funny the first 10 times... Anyway I've got the hint, he is not bothered with any of that stuff, which is just as well, I can get on and choose whatever I want, and if he moans I'll just do some loud fake sobbing myself!

sunshinejoclaire

Hahah DMP

hayley11

Aww Jo sorry it's not all you hoped it would be. Maybe like others have said, just leave it for a bit, I know how hard that may be but he perhaps just needs some time to get used to the idea?

When I got married, my ex wasn't interested in anything, apart from his suit and his stag do. It caused quite a lot of upset because it just made me feel like he didn't care. But I think he did, it's just that men aren't as interested in weddings like us girls are.

Just give him time and i'm sure he'll be as excited as you are

Jo_R_2

Well a couple of weeks on I've thought about it a bit more...

Nothing as such has changed - of course it's only been two weeks though! I'm still getting the over-the-top "oh my god:eek::eek::eek:" comments, the last of which was yesterday when my sister texted me (she's getting married later this year) saying she'd sorted the meals for my DDs at her wedding. She ended by saying did we know when we were getting married and could she do anything to help?

OH saw I was texting, asked who etc so I said what she'd said. Got the look and the witty comment as expected, so I said how he does this every time weddings or arranging anything for us getting married are mentioned, and he responded with an equally witty comment about how it was the "commitment that scared him", this with him holding our 9-week-old baby:rolleyes:

Don't get me wrong, I am glad he proposed, but am now beginning to wish that maybe I shouldn't have set about my gently persuading him. I know he wouldn't have asked if he didn't want to, but I'm wondering if he'd done it in his own time he'd be any more enthusiastic?

And maybe I might have had a proposal like he'd imagined as I knew he always wanted to do a big romantic proposal, which even though I wasn't bothered about, am now thinking maybe I was a little:o I know in the scheme of things it doesn't matter, I'm going to marry (eventually) the man I want to spend my life with, and the lack of an engagement ring doesn't bother me either, so I know I'm probably being silly but I feel like now I cheated myself out of having that magical proposal, I don't know

chardonnay_2

so you're engaged with no ring:eek:, if you plan to have a long engagement, you should at least have an engagement ring, regardless of the price.

chardonnay_2

jo r , i've seen your other posts and i feel sad for you. you have posted how to get your oh how to propose? and now you are you are waiting for him to set a date.


if i'm wrong and you've set a date, then start organising things, good luck