My Spouse Doesn't Know!!!

AMILLIONDOLLARS

In the light of the present media frenzy concerning Tessa Jowell and her failure to know about her husband's financial affairs and coming onto this board to read several times that spouses don't know how much their partners are in debt. It made me wonder how easy or not it is to hide your financial affairs from your partners. Just wondered if this should go under relationships, but here goes!!!

Amanda65

It's not that my OH doesn't know - he just chooses to bury his head in the sand a bit when it comes to our finances as, and I quote "you're so much better at that than me"! Speaking to friends this quite often seems to be the case - that one person in the relationship takes responsibility and has to deal with the bills. Part of our new debt-free regime is tracking our spending online so that we are both aware where our money is going each month!

jesster_2

There was a piece in the paper at the weekend which talked to people about debt... and of their 8 case studies, 3 had debts their OHs didn't know about. Scary.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Do you think its a fifty fity split of men and women taking care of the household budget, or do you think more women than men are in charge?

jesster_2

I think it depends on the age group. In my experience I'd say there are more younger men getting into debt trouble and their women having to help them get a grip on it. And in the older age group it seems to be more women getting into difficulty, particularly if a marriage has broken down.

This is only in my experience, but seems to be the case.

Spendalot_2

We had almost 70 k of debt, some in my partners name. We never got statements, I checked all our accounts online. He doesnt do computers.
He had no idea of the extent. He knew we had some debt. I dont know how much he thought it was.

Luckily, I was able to pay off big chunks and he has no debt now in his name.

I currently owe 34,500, and he thinks its about 10. The car loan!

Why dont I tell him???? Shame, I was in debt when we met and I could not bring myself to tell him. It was only about 10k at that time. Guess I just carried on with this shame and inability to admit that financially, we were not in good shape.

I am not proud of this. Just too far down the line to tell the truth. He has definetly benefitted from our debt in terms of lifestyle, holidays, nice house etc. I guess he really just has no concept of money and is really laid back, or maybe he just couldnt care less or else he would be asking questions.

TurnaroundSue

My OH is quite happy to leave me look after all the finances in our house - he has £1.50 pw pocket money (so he says!!) and is quite happy with that. I would know if he took £10 out of the bank, whereas he doesn't know what I spend the money on. Mind you, it's also me that pays for the kids dinner money, clubs, clothes etc and so not much is spent on me anyway. I have asked him to help me/take over running the money as after 25 years it does get a bit tiresome (and he is better with money than me), but he is not interested. It doesn't cause tension between us, but sometimes, just sometimes I wish he would take responsibility for our finances.

It does have its plus side, he could never get into any debt that I don't know about or do anything he shouldn't be doing either!!!!

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Spendalot
But surely, if you let him think everythings ok, he'll will continue to spend as if you have no money worries, which in turn will put extra burden on you to keep up your lifestyle. Ignorance can be bliss, but not in this instance.

Locana

i was watching Richard and Judy today, when they were talking about how Tessa surely sould have known that something was amiss with their finances. Richard was saying it was impossible that she did not know, I was getting really mad at the TV, not just because Richard is an a**, but that he was ignorant to the fact that this happens all the time. I really wanted to phone up and tell him to look at this website!! It may well be that Tessa let him take care of all the finances, and she was happily getting on with her career. Richard was saying that she was an intelligent woman, and should have known better!! Well I'm really intelligent (!) but I didn't tell my other half what I was doing with my money etc.... As do lots of people..

moneymare

In my case, when I first moved in with my partner (now wife!), I controlled the finances and she wasn't at all bothered - she looked after her own account, I 'looked after' my account and the joint account..........eventually I fessed up that our finances had gone to !!!!!! and she offered to take over and sort out the monies.

8 years on, we are still paying off some of my mess, but our relationship is far better - No longer do I have to scurry down and collect the mail before she sees it, she shows me all statements, and how we are progressing, and I only wish I had come clean sooner.....

queenofthedump

I have always been the one to control our finances as i am in therey ( i cant spell today at all) the one who is always here I am obviously rubbish at it as look at the mess we are in but i couldnt hand it over as i would always be wondering whether stuff had been paid or what but we do now have a weekly finance meeting and I tell other half whats going on what we have coming up etc and he just nods and agrees- i dont think he wants to know but i now make him know i am sure once the situation improves he will become more interested. Bless him he just thinks i am obsessed.