Help! Really don't know what to do!

Montymoo_2

mom23 wrote:

Hi zoska
I don't really understand this either!!
All our debts are joint debts. our income is joint income.
I also think you need to try and sit down with your husband and talk it through! ( might be easier said than done!!)
I think it's unfair that you are struggling with this on your own.

Anyway (((Big Hugs))) cos i think you need them.

I totally agree! My boyfriend is debt free apart from his student loan (but we dont count that), as soon as we moved in together he took my debts on and is helping me to pay them off as it 'our' money not 'his' money

newmum1

zoska wrote:

I think this is where half the problem is!!

He's as stubborn as anything & thinks that my debts, my problem & that by having a loan in his name that I am paying is enough!

We both earn £32k each which is about £1900-£2000 take home.

Breakdown: £700 each (£1400) which covers mortgage (in my name only bit he pays too) groceries, phone inc. broadband, council tax, buildings/contents insurances, sky, life assurance/critical illness (to cover mortgage).
He pays nursery: £700 per month & then remainder is his to spend.
I pay school: £800 (she is not his daughter by the way her dad died although we have been married 5 years!)
Also pay his loan to me: £300.

What's an SOA?


Any suggestions????

Firstly it doesnt sound like you and your husband discuss issues , you need to talk
- Maybe you cant afford to send your daughter to private school £800 is a lot on money to be paying.
-
What does it matter that your daughter is not his that is totally irrelevant and the day you married he took her on as his own, is this why he doesnt pay for the fees???
-He should be paying half of the mortgage and half everything else
- the finances should be joint it seems as though it is all left to you
- You didnt get pregnant by yourself and he really really does need to be helping you

SOA is statement of affairs i.e mortgage £600 gas £50 etc etc

tyllwyd

Will your second child be entitled to a free nursery place at least part-time when they are three? Or will you take them out of nursery while you are on maternity leave?

scholt

newmum1 wrote:

Firstly it doesnt sound like you and your husband discuss issues , you need to talk
- Maybe you cant afford to send your daughter to private school £800 is a lot on money to be paying.
-
What does it matter that your daughter is not his that is totally irrelevant and the day you married he took her on as his own, is this why he doesnt pay for the fees???
-He should be paying half of the mortgage and half everything else
- the finances should be joint it seems as though it is all left to you
- You didnt get pregnant by yourself and he really really does need to be helping you

SOA is statement of affairs i.e mortgage £600 gas £50 etc etc

I agree that he should put towards your daughters school fees. He married your family not just you. I also understand that this is a highly personal issue so will shut up right now......

How bad is the local school really? Would it be possible to move her into it and spend say £400 on a tutor outside of school hours to keep her excelling?
And this is a big/crazy one but could you move to a different better catchment area? - or even buy a small flat there - getting her name in the area and renting it out for an extra income.....

£800 is a hello of a lot of money (not much less than my monthly take home!)

AMILLIONDOLLARS

"He's as stubborn as anything & thinks that my debts, my problem & that by having a loan in his name that I am paying is enough!"


"Husband has said yes to getting HIS name on the mortgage so 2 names are better than one". For whom?

Two very telling statements made by you. I would suggest that you sell YOUR house use the money to pay off YOUR DEBTS and use the remainder as a deposit for a joint mortgage on the new house in a better educational catchment area for the children.

That said. Please post your SOA. We really do want to help you, list of your debts income/outgoings so that we can look at where you can make some savings

zoska

Hi

Thanks to all of those that have responded.


My husband really isn't as bad all I made him out to be!


Anyway, had a discussion last night which turned into a row!

Turns out he will be getting a £6K pa pay rise in June to bring his salary in line with other Civil Service departments, although some make get taken back in shift allowances etc.

The £15K consolidation was used to pay off other debts that had been hanging around where creditors were getting stroppy. We are going to have a look again at where the money went as I'm sure there must be some left over. The credit cards debts were included in that & it was a case of whoever shouted the loudest got paid!! He did bail me out & I have not run up the debts since-no one would give me a credit card to do that.

No Aldi or similar near us-this is Buckinghamshire !! :-)

If we did decide to move would have to increase mortgage significantly plus would have to pay stamp duty and moving costs. Daughter's fees are only for another 2 years (£12K approx) so seems a bit of a no brainer! House prices in the areas with good schools are astronomical & we would have to move from a 4 bed detached to a 3 bed semi! Not sure if the psychological impact to the family would be worth it.

Someone suggested buying a flat, great idea in principle, although would cost £150K & another mortgage.

The local school is one of the poorest performing schools in the area and considering we have 11+ selection, we cannot risk her failing and ending up in one of the worst secondary schools in the area. We have great grammar schools & crap secondary schools. Also the LEA area are very strict on catchment areas. Also could lead to behavioural problems as she will not be stimulated enough.

Anyway, have talked about it & I am going to downgrade my car which will pay off the CC companies, will also examine where the £15K went.

What else do you all suggest??

Thanks

PS Where do I post the SOA-on this board???

skintchick

Hi - which bit of Bucks?? I'm sure you have one somewhere - High Wycombe has an Asda which is cheap.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

just post it on this thread, please include everything, bills, shopping elec/gas/rent/mortgage everything that you pay out on.