I'm really ashamed......

Fire_Fox

Buy two pairs of cheap shoes with cash as close to the wedding as possible. Give one pair and the receipt to your mum or other responsible adult for use as an emergency spare or to return while you are honeymooning!

emilia_2

Good idea fire fox could do.

I didn't spend a thing today which was surprisingly easy. Took own lunch etc much improved from yesterday I might add. Tesco card arrived today. I'm getting the scissors out shortly now I've done the old balance transfers.

Work is really stressful. I haven't been there all that long and I joined because it was a hefty pay rise and more responsibility, new challenges. However I'm not enjoying it one bit as the team that I'm managing have made it quite clear they don't like me. I have a feeling that part of it is down to the fact that I'm different to their old boss (who they loved) but also because I'm much younger than all of them. I've also been questioning things such as their workload, what they are doing etc (basically doing my job) I've been told they ran riot before I came. But it's tough. Even though the money is pretty good I can't stand walking into an office where I get frosty silence every day. Three of them only speak to me when absolutely necessary.

So what do you do - I need the money but I'm coming home feeling pretty stressed every day? I suppose weigh up what's more important....or look for a new job but I don't want to admit defeat......

Feeling a bit down today I suppose.... but at least I didn't spend anything eh?

Emxxxx

babyhead

hello emilia - chin up! you are doing really well

don't worry about your work stuff too much - before I went on maternity leave, I used to manage a team even though I was the youngest by at least ten years! It is about ability to do the job not age! They never liked me either - I would say good morning and be totally ignored!! I used to get really stressed and upset about it too. Have you got someone higher that you could talk to? I was lucky in that I had a good working relationship with my boss and others at the company. My advice would be to just doing a good job and don't let it worry you too much xx

justruth

Hey Em, If they were running riot before you got there then yes they hate you. The thing about that is, they have to sort themselves out as clearly the company was after someone who would get things sorted out. If you go the person after you will probably be much worse! Don't take it personally, just be the complete professional, make sure you do your job properly, that you interact with these people appropriately and eventually ou will win over the ones willing to do the job and the rest will probably leave.

In similar situations in the past I have had success with the divide and conquer method, where you take each team member individually and ask them what they want from their job, not in an accusational way, but in a genuine manager way, and then talk about things that could be done to get them where they want to be, eg training, experience etc. People are more likely to work towards their own interests than yours, so make the two things work together.

I don't know what you do but say someone came in wanting to do your job, even if they are quite rude about how they say it. You ask them what they think that entails, if they need different qualifications then offer to look at up coming training courses that would fit in, suggest bits of responsibility they could take on and have regular meetings to keep on top of it. So long as you don't then turn around and take credit for their work they will soon come to see you as someone who can help them. Just a suggestion.

emilia_2

thanks babyhead and justtruth. I really appreciate the advice as some days I'm going in with a sick feeling in my stomach. There's a lot from your posts I will take on board. I will definitely look at the personal development suggestion for the team justtruth suggested. I have broached this briefly but their next performance reviews are coming up and I need to look at it in more depth.

The team member I have most hassle with is a guy around the same age as me. He's a hard worker but his attitude is bad. He never actually crosses the line with what he says but it's just snippets here and there. There's a bad vibe there basically and I have a feeling it's because I'm the same age as him and female!

Things actually seemed better today as I've changed tack. Instead of going out of my way to speak to them to make conversation (and in return being ignored) I just got on with my job and didn't bother about trying to get them to like me. I came home feeling happier today.

Total spend today £1.20 on parking. Bit of a bummer but couldn't be helped.
I'm also trying to plan a cheap weekend.....

So it's been a difficult but all in all (cheap) week. Tomorrow I'm going to meet my friend and chill out with some special price wine.

Thanks for reading - it's been a bit of a sob story the past 2 days - apologies to anyone who has subscribed to my misery!!

Emxxxxx

TurnaroundSue

emilia wrote: »

thanks babyhead and justtruth. I really appreciate the advice as some days I'm going in with a sick feeling in my stomach. There's a lot from your posts I will take on board. I will definitely look at the personal development suggestion for the team justtruth suggested. I have broached this briefly but their next performance reviews are coming up and I need to look at it in more depth.

The team member I have most hassle with is a guy around the same age as me. He's a hard worker but his attitude is bad. He never actually crosses the line with what he says but it's just snippets here and there. There's a bad vibe there basically and I have a feeling it's because I'm the same age as him and female!

Things actually seemed better today as I've changed tack. Instead of going out of my way to speak to them to make conversation (and in return being ignored) I just got on with my job and didn't bother about trying to get them to like me. I came home feeling happier today.

Total spend today £1.20 on parking. Bit of a bummer but couldn't be helped.
I'm also trying to plan a cheap weekend.....

So it's been a difficult but all in all (cheap) week. Tomorrow I'm going to meet my friend and chill out with some special price wine.

Thanks for reading - it's been a bit of a sob story the past 2 days - apologies to anyone who has subscribed to my misery!!

Emxxxxx

I had this in work - took a year's unpaid leave in which time I set up my own business, went back to work one year later and my deputy in the meantime was doing 'my' job whilst I was off and then would go back to her job when/if I returned. Whilst off they made 'my' job her job and so when I went back there was both of us doing the same job, but not enough work. She made my life hell and it was worse in the fact that she didn't actually cross the line by saying horrible/nasty things - she just completely ignored me, turned all my team against me and it was absolutely hell. I was in the process of taking action and reported her for bullying, but it got so bad that I left. Lasted 6 months, but eventually it affected me health. Concentrated on my business and 2 years later my business has gone from strength to strength and am happier now than I would ever have been working in that atmosphere. I am only writing this to tell you that I understand what you are going through. I felt that the silence and ignoring and silence was worse than if she had actually had a stand up row with me - I mean how can you agrue/disagree with someone who refuses to talk to you!!! I wish I had had it out with her direct, but thought I would go through the proper channels, but realised that she was a lesser person than me in the end and I have ended up alot happier. Don't let them grind you down, do what justruth has suggested and in time they will come round to your way - you cannot argue/be cross with someone who is nice.

Sorry am waffling now - just wanted you to know that I am with you and hoping that you will sort things out soon.

Take care

bozzy120

Hi Emilia, just read you diary so far and looks as though you've got off to a great start! I had my LBM 2 months ago and although it's really hard work, it's so rewarding watching the debt going down!!

Huge congrats on the wedding, sorry if you've already said but when's the big day?

emilia_2

Big day is in July so not actually too far away. Just got back from the gym where I've thrown myself around for an hour as I never quite get the hang of the routines.

I'm VERY disappointed to say I smashed my budget this weekend. I think it was partly due to the fact I'd had such a stressful week at work. Went out for drinks with a friend on Friday night (we did get one free drink though - paid for by a student who fell on my friend and then bought us both a drink to apologise...she agreed it was worth the pain) - Despite the spending of cash it was a good idea to go out as my friend cheered me right up.

I also went out for a meal with F (actually just remembered he paid so not as bad as I thought) I bought accessories for the wedding. I also took my niece out for lunch. I would have felt rather tight making her a sandwich when she came all the way to see me. Plus filled car up with petrol and bought food shopping Sat night. All in all I must have spent over £100 in one weekend aargghhh! Saying that though - I think I can remedy this by being tight as a knat all week

I'm also pleased that I have a masterplan for this overspending. I have a load of skiing gear I can sell on e-bay. (skis boots, jacket etc) and if these manage to sell I may just undo the damage I did this weekend

Work is still pants but I'm trying to see this as a temporary evil until after my wedding and then I'm shipping out to work with nice people. I think my team said about 3 words to me all day. I might have to start dishing out some extra work in punishment - that'll teach em.....

So happy monday folks Emxxxxx

emilia_2

Just re-read turnaround Sue's advice (which I'd somehow managed to miss. Thanks Sue I really appreciate the words of wisdom. Every day I'm thinking 'don't let them grind you down' - it certainly feels like that at the moment. I mean I'm a pretty outgoing person and then on a Monday morning when I arrive in work absolutely no one talks to me - unless I ask them a direct question. It's a really strange situation and the only one I can compare it to was when I was bullied a bit at school...and that seems ridiculous because I'm their manager....

Anyway I'm going to stick it out and try justtruths advice. If nothing else it's certainly character building!

Em xxx

Jenna

Hey Em,

Just read all the way through your thread, how horrible that they are being like that at work! It can't be very encouraging but really do try not to take it personally. If they really did run riot before you got there then they'll dislike you (at first anyway) for changing that - of course they should just grow a work ethic (or grow up!), and realise that the company hired you for a reason, but that works better in theory doesn't it! I had the boot on the other foot for 12 months plus at my previous job - no matter how hard I worked, my manager was convinced I was lazy and not worth anything - in the end I had to take 5 weeks off due to stress. I went back for a few half days to hand over but left the role ... I am now much happier in a new job (have been there for 18 months plus now). Anyway all I am trying to say is that jobs often feel like the be all and end all but they're not, they ARE temporary, just focus on that. It might help to set yourself an "end date" in your head e.g. focus on debt/wedding til after honeymoon, then focus on debt/finding new job?

Also - this is just me - wouldn't it be better to pay as much of the debt off as possible before the wedding? And if your OH pays out more than you then so be it and then you (once debt gone) can, I don't know, lets say save up a bigger proportion of the deposit to buy a house in a few years time once the recession is over and houses are good news again? I presume the wedding date is already fixed e.g. there's no chance of you getting another 6 or 12 months to get rid of debt and make savings before the big day? Not what you want to hear I guess.

Also don't be afraid to tell him you can't afford / do certain things. It's all very well for him to be "disappointed" but he also should respect you for coming clean with him and taking steps to get debt free.

If I were you I'd also come clean about the FULL amount you owe ... but, do a detailed plan of action first. So for example tell him the full amount but THEN show him your SOA and your plan of attack e.g. taking packed lunches, move debts to 0%, etc etc. Also use the Snowball calculator at https://www.whatsthecost.co.uk to work out your debt free date and tell him this. The reason I say this is so that you can relax 100% on your wedding day and be able to look him in the eye when you both say "for richer, for poorer" because you have no secrets between you.

And - last but not least! - Quidco. It's a cashback website (https://www.quidco.com) and they will pay you cashback when you buy a product through their website. So it's worth using when you need to buy something anyway - e.g. car insurance, travel, even a new credit card or bank account. Have a browse on their site and read the FAQ etc - that should shed some light for you.

There are also lots of other ideas in the "Up Your Income" board (and article - do a search on the main site and this will appear). Worth a look - ESPECIALLY the one about having advertising on a panel of your car (it comes off) as you say you drive a lot of miles and they like you to do a few hundred miles a month I think. But it's quite good cash for doing nothing but what you already do! And good for repair bills

OK - HTH - I've subscribed so let me know how you go eh? Don't let the !!!!!!!s grind you down at work either hun, just focus on your own goals and you will win out in the long run xx