Please help, I can't make up my mind!!!

isica1903

Hi everyone, this may be getting a bit longwinded, so apologies in advance.
I have been with OH for nearly 5 years, we've been engaged for 3 years and have 2 kids together.
I'm originally from Germany and have no family over in this country. OH has a large family and we get on well.
Now the thing is, I'd quite like a nice big wedding and would love to have all my family over, but then again me and OH seem to have different opinions of how we want everything.
I'd rather have it a bit relaxed, not pompous but OH wants the full monty with sit down meal etc. Also, I kind of feel a bit sad and can't really be bothered to do everything on my own. I have no one here, no friends or family, and I would rather have someone to do all the organising, trying dresses etc. with.
My second thought would be to only have a small wedding with only close family, (if we invited everyone from our families we'd have around 150 guests) but I wonder if I'd regret it some day?
Also, I;m kind of toying with the idea of getting married in Germany, although have NO idea on how to go about it. Also, I don't think it would go down well with OH's family.
Has anyone got any opinions or advice, I'm really stuck. Is a big do really the be all and end all?
Help please!

Horace

Hi, if you want to get married in Germany then go for it, its your day. Ask your mum for help on that score as she would know more about getting married there. You can also look at the UK Foreign Office website https://www.fco.gov.uk as that will tell you what you need to be married in Germany.

Have you any friends over here who can help you with your wedding i.e. look for dresses etc?

At the moment, you need to sit down with your OH and decide on a budget as that will help you decide what type of wedding you want and can afford. The thing with family weddings is that you don't have to invite everybody - so if there is a Great Aunt Maud whom you never see or have anything to do with, don't invite her.

With regard to the wedding breakfast, you can have a sit down meal, a buffet or even a hog roast - it is up to you.

gettingthereslowly

The other option is to go abroad to get married such as cyprus or maldives etc. At least then it is a meet in the middle situation with just immediate family and your new husband can have the big do when you return.

The most important thing is that you both agree to do something that you are both happy with.

Good luck x

isica1903

Thank you Horace, I suppose setting a budget would be a good way to start, lol. I want to spend as little as possible, I spoke to my best friend the other day (she lives in Germany) who got married last year. She only spent around £4000 for 180 guests including everything which I think is excellent, but she did get a lot of help from people who did things for free or cheap. I don't suppose we'd get the same over here as I don't know anyone
I would only invite "close" family, I'm quite close to my aunts and uncles so I'd like to have them all there. but OH sees his uncles once a year (if at all) at some other family gatherings but still insists on inviting them all which will increase the guest list by about 50 people, I don't even know those people!:rolleyes:
I only really have OH and his family over here, that's why I'm not overly keen on doing all the organising with them as MIL will no doubt take over and I'll be too scared to disagree:rolleyes: . No, she's lovely really but can be a bit domineering at times.

sal-ad_daze

Personally, I'd go with 'gettingthereslowly's' idea.
Book your wedding abroad, doesn't have to be really far away think about Cyprus, Malta, Gibraltar (although I have to be honest and say I don't know how this works with German nationals!) and invite your close families to come with you - you could really push the boat out and go to Vegas!lol
Then everyone is on 'neutral' ground and you could have a really big party when you get home. It would probably work out cheaper!
But the most important thing is that you have the wedding that you both want and are happy with.
Good Luck

Horace

There is no need to invite people that you don't know or distant relatives whom you never see.

As others have suggested a good compromise is to get married abroad and combine it with a honeymoon and have a get together when you get back. My cousin got married in Hawaii last September (he didnt invite me to the wedding:mad: only to the reception:rolleyes: - now I would have loved to have gone to Waikiki) and my best mate from school is getting married in May over in Positano on the Amalfi coast and is having her reception here in the UK.

You can get stuff for free if you look on freecycle but you have to take pot luck. If you get married mid week then it will be cheaper than the weekend but this won't be convenient for everyone. Ebay is also a place to look for more economically priced items too.

HTH