Taking on OH's debt

trina2010

you havent let go of this yet. you are still referring to HIS gambling problem as an US problem.
HE needs to deal with it first, you can help him along the way to recovery, but so far i see no indication that HE realises he has a problem and HE realises he needs help. Thats the very first step.
Never take on his debt, never use all your money to pay for the house, bills and kids. Everything split 50/50 otherwise i can guarantee you will be taken for a ride, no matter how much you trust him. He will not be the same person when he starts gambling, he becomes a totally different entity, and if you leave him with his full income every month, effectively to do whatever he wants with guess what that little gambling devil on his shoulder will be saying???
Sounds something like 'come on, you could turn this into a lot of money, dont worry, if it goes wrong, Laura will deal with it. But hey, who says we even have to tell her, she'll never know'

you need to introduce household budgets for both of you.
I feel comfortable having a joint account with my OH, we have standing orders set up for the same time every month, putting in the same amount each which pays for everything. We go to the cash machine together once a week to take out the same amount for the shopping, and the remainder goes into our shopping pot for the rest of the week. Any other money is our own to do what we want with. Although you can advise him to pummp the rest of his money into his debt theres no way you can make him do anything.

but by no means think that because youve had one argument with him that he will see the light, hes still well and truly got his head buried in the sand

Sorry its harsh, but you dont seem to see any of this as his problem, you seem to be taking it as a joint problem that you can try and solve by mothering him. and its not going to happen. Not until he sees, get him onto here, make him see the position hes in.

Good luck!

Pollycat

Hi Laura
I just wanted to say 'Congratulations' on your news.

I really do hope that your OH has had his LBM, it does sound to me that you are much firmer in your views about your OH - and I hope he doesn't switch that LB off sometime in the future so that you can all have a future together.
You may need lots of strength to keep him on the straight and narrow.
The only bit of advice I'll offer, is for you not to make things easy for him by taking on all his problems. He needs to understand the importance of things like submitting his expenses claims etc.

We're here for you if you need us.

Hope you have a lovely day.

JRRD

Laura, how are you ?

alibat_2

Hi. I'm the one in my marriage with the huge (approx 47K) debts. My husband is the sensible one. As far as I'm concerned, I got myself into debt and I should be the one taking the responsibility. All the debts are in my name alone. Unless something unforseen happens in the next few years, I, and I alone will be paying every single penny of those debts back out of my salary until September 2011 (I've drawn up my own repayment schedule). I'm also looking at what I can sell to raise cash. It's great that you can give him emotional support, I would love that (I daren't tell my OH, he works for a bank!). But please don't put them in your name. I've had friends stung by this. Get him involved with gamblers annoymous or something similar. Skiing? Is he having a laugh? That tells me he isn't taking his situation seriously. My debt was a combination of paying for care for a terminally ill parent and reckless spending as a way to cope with depression (stupid, stupid, stupid). I only really have myself to blame and now I'm depressed because of the debt!

But really, he has to feel the pain to realise what he has done. He has to get treatment for his gambling or there will be no end. It will split you up and on top of that you will be left with his debts.

Take care x

Iron_Pyrite

It will sound harsh Laura but if you dont stand up to him and through your actions get him to faceup to his problem, then you will be as responcible for the situation going forward.

Is he worth it?