Selfishness V's Child Maintenance

Hawthorn

Just wanted to say good luck Mooma, and be strong for that little girl. Things will get better eventually xx

tsstss7

Mooma - DO NOT LEAVE, he is bluffing, do you really think he would be capable/want to of look after a baby.

In any case you need to do what is best for her and you dispite this, if you let him bully you now you will be forever at his mercy. Do not listen to his threats - just follow your solicitors advice.

Be wary of him going for "shared care" also - he might well do that to try and keep hold of the flat and avoid paying so much to the CSA....it's very likely in your case he would then just leave all care to you while also leaving you with less financial support.

If it was me I would try and settle this asap as the atmosphere will not be good for any of you and the longer it takes the more opportunities he will have to think of more ways to get you to do what he wants, like you I would say he has used you and your daughter to get a better/cheap home and if he can do that to his daughter there isno telling what he might pull out of the hat next

In the meantime save a little each week towards a deposit just in case and avoid confrontation with him as much as you can.

geordiebunny1

sorry about all your problems. don't forget to cancel any joint claim with your tax credits also and put in a single claim this will be a great help in showing that you are independant. I agree with contacting a solicitor about getting lease into your name as you and your daughter were the reason he was entitled to a bigger property. don't worry about custody they will not take your little girl from you as long as you are providing adequate care. you also need to be aware that if you feel threatened by your ex keep a diary of the events as this will go against him if he does try and go for custody also if he uses text messgaes try and keep these also.

McKneff

mooma wrote: »

Thank you for all your support and advice, I really appreciate it.

I will defo be staying in the flat now as I can see that if I leave i'm creating even more problems by "making myself homeless".

I had no idea that I can claim Income Support if I am still under the same roof as my ex. I don't do anything for him now anyway - no washing, cooking, cleaning up etc. I also already sleep in a seperate room with our daughter and don't have any of ex's clothes/stuff in the room. So if I seperate my food etc from his and get my name off the joint account then I should have no probs with getting some money which is a relief.
So I will defo be applying through the CSA for the money he should be paying!!!

Have had some advice and I can either stay living with ex and grin and bear it, or I can go through court to get them to decide who the tenancy will go to. I have been informed that it will more than likely be me who gets to stay with my daughter. They would change the tenancy from a keyworker one to a normal one if it was decided I should stay living here.

The only thing is that ex has threatened to go through court and get custody of our daughter if I go to court to try to get the tenancy awarded to me. He just wants me to leave. I am so scared, I couldn't live without my daughter she means everything to me.

Dont be scared, the way he is there is no chance he would be given custody.
he is trying to emotionally blackmail you. Just keep telling him to bring it on and do his worst, he wont cos he's a bully. Keep thinking positive and keep posting here so we can help you to stay positive

LizzieS_2

Threadhead wrote: »

Strange comment? It seemed to me that Hawthorn was giving advice and backing it up with her own experience, like many people have on various threads.

Just looked like some-one who could use a little brainstorming help even though none had been requested.

LizzieS_2

Mooma, you will also need to check out what housing benefit you would be entitled to.

In the event you go on Income Support you will qualify for full HB providing you fulfil other requirements too:
1) The property contains the right number of rooms for family size.
2) The actual rent is within the amount allowed by your local council.

Here is a link to LHA Direct where you can get information relevant to your area.
https://lha-direct.therentservice.gov.uk/Secure/Default.aspx

mooma_2

Thanks again to everyone who has added their advice and support.

I have started to keep a diary and am writing down about his behaviour toward me and any threats he makes etc. Have also saved all the nasty texts too.

Me and my daughter have been invited to stay at my sisters for a couple of weeks over christmas, so I will be glad to get some time away from him!
Then when I get back I will be brave and defo go for the tenancy, even though it may well be a long process it will be worth it in the end.

I think now that I have heard so many opinions on his behaviour I realise that he is a nasty bully and I shouldn't put up with it. You guys have made me realise I need to be strong and do what is right for my daughter. Thank you xx

jay11_2

mooma wrote: »

Thanks again to everyone who has added their advice and support.

I have started to keep a diary and am writing down about his behaviour toward me and any threats he makes etc. Have also saved all the nasty texts too.

Me and my daughter have been invited to stay at my sisters for a couple of weeks over christmas, so I will be glad to get some time away from him!
Then when I get back I will be brave and defo go for the tenancy, even though it may well be a long process it will be worth it in the end.

I think now that I have heard so many opinions on his behaviour I realise that he is a nasty bully and I shouldn't put up with it. You guys have made me realise I need to be strong and do what is right for my daughter. Thank you xx

Make sure he can't, or doesn't, find the diary. You don't want him to know you're gathering evidence! Good luck:A

Merry_Gentry

mooma wrote: »

Thanks again to everyone who has added their advice and support.

I have started to keep a diary and am writing down about his behaviour toward me and any threats he makes etc. Have also saved all the nasty texts too.

Me and my daughter have been invited to stay at my sisters for a couple of weeks over christmas, so I will be glad to get some time away from him!
Then when I get back I will be brave and defo go for the tenancy, even though it may well be a long process it will be worth it in the end.

I think now that I have heard so many opinions on his behaviour I realise that he is a nasty bully and I shouldn't put up with it. You guys have made me realise I need to be strong and do what is right for my daughter. Thank you xx

Make sure he doesn't change the locks while you are astaying at your sisters. I'm sorry to be the voice of doom, but that was my first thought

Loz01

Merry_Gentry wrote: »

Make sure he doesn't change the locks while you are astaying at your sisters. I'm sorry to be the voice of doom, but that was my first thought

Mine too he might take the opportunity to get you out of the flat whilst you are gone to your sisters. Good luck anyway!! Stay strong for your little girl, you're totally doing the right thing, even though it probably feels like a struggle at the moment.