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It's a mess !
Itsallgonepearshaped
Posts: 164 Forumite
Sorry - feeling really down and guilty at the mess I've got us in and have to let some steam off !
My OH has just been to the CAB to get advice on her position. Basically I'm the one who has c * cked up big time trying to get a business going and have wracked up unsecured debts of over £100k in the process on top of a £300k mortgage. It's got to the stage where I don't think I've got any option but BR so I've started filling in the forms. Anyway, the CAB has advised the OH that I should be moved out while the BR goes through and that we should try and pay the mortgage up to Xmas and then put the house on the market after that (there is some equity in the house but it's getting smaller by the week). She should then be able to rent a small 3 bed place locally for her and the kids on her wages together with the extra benefits she's get with me out the way (told there's no point going to the council as she's end up in a flat next to a crack den in Eastbourne apparently). I'm currently unemployed and can't claim benefits because of my NI history (although I've appealed this so hopefully should get some money back). I've got an interview at Sainsbury's tomorrow as a night shift general assistant to at least have some money coming in that might at least allow me to get out and rent somewhere (+ get some money for the BR fees) so the CAB plan can get into action. I'm a bit stuck on what to do with the forms now cos I don't know what my position will be by the time I get an appointment or where I'm likely to be living.
It's all my fault - I gave up a good job to have a crack at this and, although I should have given up months ago when it didn't work out as planned and I could have avoided this, I just did the classic head buried in the sand and everything will be alright tomorrow routine - what an absolute tw @ t I am ! Nearly 20 years of marriage down the pan , kids lives completely disrupted just when they've settled into really good schools.
That's it - self indulgent rant over - time to sort my life out .....
My OH has just been to the CAB to get advice on her position. Basically I'm the one who has c * cked up big time trying to get a business going and have wracked up unsecured debts of over £100k in the process on top of a £300k mortgage. It's got to the stage where I don't think I've got any option but BR so I've started filling in the forms. Anyway, the CAB has advised the OH that I should be moved out while the BR goes through and that we should try and pay the mortgage up to Xmas and then put the house on the market after that (there is some equity in the house but it's getting smaller by the week). She should then be able to rent a small 3 bed place locally for her and the kids on her wages together with the extra benefits she's get with me out the way (told there's no point going to the council as she's end up in a flat next to a crack den in Eastbourne apparently). I'm currently unemployed and can't claim benefits because of my NI history (although I've appealed this so hopefully should get some money back). I've got an interview at Sainsbury's tomorrow as a night shift general assistant to at least have some money coming in that might at least allow me to get out and rent somewhere (+ get some money for the BR fees) so the CAB plan can get into action. I'm a bit stuck on what to do with the forms now cos I don't know what my position will be by the time I get an appointment or where I'm likely to be living.
It's all my fault - I gave up a good job to have a crack at this and, although I should have given up months ago when it didn't work out as planned and I could have avoided this, I just did the classic head buried in the sand and everything will be alright tomorrow routine - what an absolute tw @ t I am ! Nearly 20 years of marriage down the pan , kids lives completely disrupted just when they've settled into really good schools.
That's it - self indulgent rant over - time to sort my life out .....
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Comments
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Hiya
Sounds like you needed to get all of that out of your system. I'm not sure if I'm reading this correctly - have you and your OH split up? If she is on the mortgage, then when you go BR she will be chased for the repayments, even if you have separated and she is living in rented accommodation elsewhere. Basically any joint debts will fall to her as long as her name is on them.
Have you had any formal adviceas yet?
You're not alone - believe me - and we're not going to judge you :grouphug:Get free advice before embarking on bankruptcy: CCCS 0800 138 1111 National Debtline 0808 808 4000
Business Debt Line 0800 197 6026 CAB Insolvency Service- 0845 602 9848"He who laughs last didn't get it!" :rotfl:BSC 134
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Merry_Gentry wrote: »Hiya
Sounds like you needed to get all of that out of your system. I'm not sure if I'm reading this correctly - have you and your OH split up? If she is on the mortgage, then when you go BR she will be chased for the repayments, even if you have separated and she is living in rented accommodation elsewhere. Basically any joint debts will fall to her as long as her name is on them.
Have you had any formal adviceas yet?
You're not alone - believe me - and we're not going to judge you :grouphug:
You're right - I did need to get it off my chest! OH had to go to work after telling me that the CAB advice was basically for us to split up so I was sitting in the house on my own so I vented ! We haven't split up (yet) but the CAB advice is basically that we should as she would be better of in terms of the benefits she'll receive on her own. I've spoken to CCCS but at the time I wanted to avoid BR as I'm a qualified management accountant and wanted to avoid going BR in case it had a detrimental effect on my getting back to work with anything like a decent salary. I'm not having much luck on the job front at the moment (hence looking at anything to get some cash coming in). The mortgage is in joint names so we would be trying to sell up before being repo'd to try and come out with her getting some equity although easier said than done in todays market and keeping up the payments for those months is going to be a problem! That's about it really :rolleyes:0 -
I would highly recommend you get your house on the market as soon as possible. my house is on the market and even with all the negative press around we have still had plenty of people viewing and received 3 offers.people still need to move. i dont know what lender you are with and i am not sure if you have missed any payments but its worth contacting them and asking if you could have a payment holiday. if there is equity in your home then it has to be worth a shot, if your home gets repossed and you declare yourself BR they will sell it at auction and probably get a lot less than you could.
good luck and hugs:eek:
20/09 Shoulda, woulda, coulda
dont look back and frown, look forward and smile0 -
Hi, sorry for your problems.
I guess they are the experts on advice but it strikes me as very strange for a CAB to be advising for people to break up a family just to avoid/buy time on a debt problem. You separate because of emotional relationship issue sure, but I can't see it the family interest just to tackle a debt problem. Perhaps I've misunderstood what they've said but it doesn't sound immediately obviously common sense in 'family' terms. hey ho.0 -
I cant believe the CAB suggested splitting up to claim double benefits, and advised sellling the house after christmas, the worst time to try selling in good times, never mind during a credit crunch, also, moving out wont remove your home address as it is, from the BR info as it wants your address for the previous 2 years
if anything id say stay together, stop paying all bills except essentials as deposits and rents are not cheap, plus you need about £500 fees to go BRNow we all know how it felt to play in the band on the Titanic...0 -
maxmycardagain wrote: »I cant believe the CAB suggested splitting up to claim double benefits, and advised sellling the house after christmas, the worst time to try selling in good times, never mind during a credit crunch, also, moving out wont remove your home address as it is, from the BR info as it wants your address for the previous 2 years
if anything id say stay together, stop paying all bills except essentials as deposits and rents are not cheap, plus you need about £500 fees to go BR
That's what I thought - apparently they were saying she had to do what was best for the kids which in their opinion was us splitting up so my OH would get more benefits on her own - all seems a bit weird to me ! She did take a friend with her and that's definitely the impression they got of the advice as well ... Can't understand it myself as when I get back to work I should be earning more than the extra benefits she would get and I wouldn't be paying out for an extra rent!
The other reason they apparently said I should move out is that I need to go BR at another address or her credit rating will be shot as it goes on the address rather than the individual ?0 -
I would highly recommend you get your house on the market as soon as possible. my house is on the market and even with all the negative press around we have still had plenty of people viewing and received 3 offers.people still need to move. i dont know what lender you are with and i am not sure if you have missed any payments but its worth contacting them and asking if you could have a payment holiday. if there is equity in your home then it has to be worth a shot, if your home gets repossed and you declare yourself BR they will sell it at auction and probably get a lot less than you could.
good luck and hugs[/quote
I was thinking about getting it valued this week (has a leak a couple of months ago which left a hole in the ceiling (it's not been a good year!) but the insurance guys have just finished decorating) until the CAB stuck their oar in! Think I might take your advice and keep going with it as there are about 4 houses which have just put boards up round here in the past couple of weeks - like you say it can only get worse. I've asked the B Soc if they'll consider allowing a reduction in interest rather than a payment holiday (which they refused) for 6 months to buy some time but they haven't come back yet - here's hoping !!0 -
Oh my god where did she go and get this advice the Cruel Advise Basement!
What utter rubbish, sorry unless you and she are unhappy, knocking each other around, screaming and yelling at each other non stop, and hate the sight of each other, how is this helping your kids.
To see parents part is much worse than this person imagines believe me, go and kick her/him.
Put the house on the market after Christmas, is this person having a laugh, god almighty the very worst time to try and sell, get it on the market NOW.
Is your wife that worried about her credit rating that she would make your kids suffer losing you, bad enough they will lose their home but to have their parents split for the sake of a few quid in benefits and her credit rating, I have never heard such utter crapp in all my life.
This is very hard for me to actually even type, is it that your wife has told them she wants you to leave? if not I would sit down and discuss this fully with her.
Okay you admit you have made mistakes, god haven't we all so dont worry we dont judge people here we only try to offer support and help where we can so you rant away. Made me rant as well as you can tell and am typing at break neck speed as it has made me so cross to read this.:mad:
Okay you stuck you head in the sand, again most of us do when faced with something we dont want to face up to. Why did you not go with your wife?
I think you need to talk this over with her fully. Then I think you need to ring the national debt line get proper advice as you may be asked if you have in court, always better to be safe than sorry, and I WAS asked today when made BR.
Right on a postive note, good luck with the job interview let us know how it goes, money is money no matter where you earn it as long as it is honestly.
Please dont just simply give up 20 years of marriage, you need to find out is this really what she wants, as to me credit rating, what the hell is that worth if you chuck away a whole life time of marriage and family.
RylynnSome Days are Diamonds Some Days are Stones,Sometimes the hard times won't leave meBSC 162:beer:Banktupt 22 Oct 2008 at 10am!0 -
Oh my god where did she go and get this advice the Cruel Advise Basement!
What utter rubbish, sorry unless you and she are unhappy, knocking each other around, screaming and yelling at each other non stop, and hate the sight of each other, how is this helping your kids.
To see parents part is much worse than this person imagines believe me, go and kick her/him.
Put the house on the market after Christmas, is this person having a laugh, god almighty the very worst time to try and sell, get it on the market NOW.
Is your wife that worried about her credit rating that she would make your kids suffer losing you, bad enough they will lose their home but to have their parents split for the sake of a few quid in benefits and her credit rating, I have never heard such utter crapp in all my life.
This is very hard for me to actually even type, is it that your wife has told them she wants you to leave? if not I would sit down and discuss this fully with her.
Okay you admit you have made mistakes, god haven't we all so dont worry we dont judge people here we only try to offer support and help where we can so you rant away. Made me rant as well as you can tell and am typing at break neck speed as it has made me so cross to read this.:mad:
Okay you stuck you head in the sand, again most of us do when faced with something we dont want to face up to. Why did you not go with your wife?
I think you need to talk this over with her fully. Then I think you need to ring the national debt line get proper advice as you may be asked if you have in court, always better to be safe than sorry, and I WAS asked today when made BR.
Right on a postive note, good luck with the job interview let us know how it goes, money is money no matter where you earn it as long as it is honestly.
Please dont just simply give up 20 years of marriage, you need to find out is this really what she wants, as to me credit rating, what the hell is that worth if you chuck away a whole life time of marriage and family.
Rylynn
Thanks Rylynn - that helps. I did ask if she wanted me to go with her but she is still p!ssed off I've got us into this situation (which I understand cos I'm just as angry with myself) that she'd rather go on her own as she wanted to discuss her options wihout me looking over her shoulder. There have been no punches thrown or big shouting matches and we're still talking. I think she's still in shock I've got us into this mess so she's listening to everyone. Basically she came back from CAB, told me what had happened and then left for a late shift so she won't be in until 11 tonight so we can sit down and have a proper talk then. I just had to get it off my chest earlier and this was the only place I could do it !0 -
You know that is the great thing about this site you can come on and get things out of your system.
Okay you got yourself into this mess, prior to that you had a very good job earning very good money, hard as this sounds maybe point out that she enjoyed the benefit of that at the time and marriage is supposed to be about the good and bad times, and if she wants to save this marriage you have to work hard now together to sort it out.
Yes she is angry, okay, but anger solves nothing at the end of the day, it is just a waste of energy.
You know the £300K mortgage is also the house she has benefited from. You have racked up another 100K trying to start a business, if it had been successful she would be happy I assume and you would not be here telling us some nut has advised her to throw you out?
Tell your wife tonight there are people here who have racked up more and have little to show for it, squandered it away, at least you were trying to have your own business.
Also if you stick together you need some advice on if the house does not sell, if the equity falls to zero, buying back the BI if you sit it out etc. I know none of your financial circumstances so cannot say what is viable, but please phone debt line for YOURSELF not your wife. You need to do this for YOU, it is also for her and your kids, but the advice is what you need now.
Have you got the fees for BR. What are you paying out right now, living where you are that you could immediately stop paying to get them?Some Days are Diamonds Some Days are Stones,Sometimes the hard times won't leave meBSC 162:beer:Banktupt 22 Oct 2008 at 10am!0
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