Can't cope anymore

Broken_hearted

'm so tired everything seems to be crashing down around me and I want out.
The only thing keeping me around is suicides go tohell or I'd be otta here right now. I can't sleep am smoking and drinking way to much. Have lost pride in myself, can't cope with they boys as I feel I'm failing them. Don't want to deal with DH anymore as I want a person not a condition to live with. My parents arn't there to ask for help.
It seems like all I do is go round in circles trying to juggle money and keep everything going, everytime one creditor is paid off there is just another one to deal with. The house is falling apart and I don't know who i am anymore. It feels like the only option is anti depressants just to zone out and escape from it all.

pickle

We must be the only ones awake at this time! I've been where you are before, feeling like nothing will ever improve. The first thing to say is definitely cut the drinking, it will only make the situation worse and if you're feeling depressed then it deepens the depression (alcohol is a depressant). Try to force the negative thoughts out (I know how hard this is to do) and replace them with something positive. So instead of "I've got all these bills to pay" say "I've actually managed to pay off one of my creditors and I will manage to tackle them all one by one", the process of doing this may help to change the way you're feeling. It may not seem like that but it works for me. I know if I allow my thoughts to run away then it's a downward spiral. It's not surprising that you're feeling bad given all the responsibility you have, I'd look at visiting the GP and having a chat, they may be able to assist in some way. Take one day at a time, one day you will wake up and you will feel better about things and everything now will be insignificant.

chevalier

But you have to remember that your debt free date is next year.That is an incredible achievement to have come so far. Everyone has their low points, and to be honest I don't know all the ins and outs about your OH's condition etc. Is there any way you could get away even for just the day time? Just have some you time?

If you are caring for OH full time, have you been able to access a sitting service so you can have some time out, or respite care?

It doesn't help anyone if you break down, because you don't want to ask for addtional help caring

chev

tealady

Hi If you feel that things are getting on top of you then I would definately suggest a visit to the doc. Also either put up your SOA or contact one of the free debt charities for advice. Stay with us, there are loads of people here who thought things were hopeless but turned their lives around.

sammy115

Broken hearted, why don't you telephone the samaritans. They listen and don't judge and if you need someone to talk to in the middle of the night they are ideal..

sistercas

please talk to someone either samaritans , trusted family member or friend it can feel like you are not getting anywhere but every payment is a step closer to debt free try and look what you have achieved so far.
please keep posting too (((hugs))) we are all here for you

welshpaula

hi brokenhearted ,i have been where you are now and the only thing that kept me in this world were my girls ! just spend some time with the kids and it will take you out of the situation (only briefly i know ) but it helped me ! big hugs to you , paula x

hypno06

BH, I was in the same low low low state about 18 months ago, and I did finally go to the GP - she didn't prescribe me anti depressants, although that is what I expected her to do. Instead she listened to me, let me cry, and gave me something to help me sleep so that I could get the energy back for the daytimes to carry on. I only needed to take the sleeping pills for a few weeks and it made all the difference. But the thing that helped most was the fact that she listened - she didn't just write the prescription to get me out of her surgery, and she told me to go in any time I needed to, just to rant/cry/whatever.

Go to the GP, if you need something to get you through a low patch, they will give it - whether it is tablets, or time.

bathgatebuyer

But Brokenhearted, you have done soooooo much to get to where you are at the moment. To go from £18K to debt-free in 3 years would be an amazing achievement and you've already done so much to get there. It's not easy, I know (£34K to £3K in about 3 years plus depression, thoughts of suicide, etc, during that time) and even when you think it's over, something else will come along and absolutely shaft you. Unfortunately that's life. A large part of my frustration about debts is just that - I think I've sorted something and then something else will appear from seemingly nowhere demanding money leaving me to stress about whether it's valid or not or whether I'm going to be on the brink of losing everything again.

Take yesterday for example. I've spent this whole week walking 5 miles a day home from work at night as I do not have the money for 2 bus fares a day. I don't have enough money to have lunch (but I try and make up for it with porridge and pasta at home!), and this whole month has been nothing but complete misery trying to get by without cracking and have been fighting off tears for what seems like an eternity now.

Last night, I came home to a 14 day letter from the Council telling me that I owe then £470 from 2006/07 council tax year which has to be paid in 14 days. I have looked back over my records and there is a demand for £470 from April 07 and 2 receipts I have stuck on it showing payments! So, I'm going to have to lose another few hours today (at work) trying not to get caught phoning the Council to try and sort this out. I don't know if I do owe it, if it's a genuine error or what, but last night was a sleepless one full of tears because of it. It doesn't seem a huge amount, but it is a symptomatic slap in the face for all the hard work I thought I'd done to get my life back on track and that really hurts. It makes me feel that the world is against me at times and that I'm the only one who feels like this (in an office where people drop £200 on gadgets at a whim while I can't eat at lunchtime due to a lack of cash!)

You're not alone in this, but you're well on the way to being debt-free as am I. Yes there are knocks along the way but I just take it as life not being fair. Even when I m debt-free, I know that things won't be perfect, but they will be much closer to it than they were 3 years ago.

Please donn't feel alone, and please don't feel that this is a battle you have to fight on your own. You'll always have support on here, and there other organisations who can offer you whatever support you want and need.

Right, I'm off to get stuck into WWIII with some Council Tax diddies. Seconds out, round 06/07!

tesuhoha

Just look at those gorgeous two boys in the photo (am assuming they are yours). You have their future to look forward to. When you are debt free you will be able to give them more. You are not failing them you are ensuring their future security. We are all a long time dead, life is short and all anyone can do is to make the best of the precious life that they have. We all have burdens to shoulder (I have a couple of insurmountable things myself) but you can only go on and try to hope for the future.

LoulaBelle

Hi brokenhearted,

Like others and you, I have been there and had those awful thoughts in my head it got so bad my husband marched me to the doctors and thankfully he put me on some 'happy pills' - there is or used to be such a stigma about taking anti-depressants - don't feel like I did - christ if it wasn't for those things I may have done something really silly so go along and get some then you can tackle your issues with a more 'balanced mind' if thats right.

You are doing really well with your debts - look at how much they were a few years ago and how much you have them down to now - its brillant and as Chevalier says your debt free date is next year - thats wonderful.

As for drinking you know yourself that you need to cut down so just take that one day at a time - try and just have a drink every other day or try and work through the 'trigger time' - for me it used to be as I started to prepare dinner and I'd open a bottle of wine and have a glass - I was always home from work first and by the time my husband arrived home his dinner would be ready but I'd drunk half a bottle of wine - I'm sure that a lot of people will relate to that but then it turns into a habit and one thats difficult to break.

How old are your boys? I've got a son who is 3 on Sunday and his brother or sister is due in 5 weeks. My son has just started pre-school 2 mornings a week and its been an emotional time for me more than him - its like he's all grown up yet he is still my little baby.

Well I've gotta go and get started on the day ahead but I'll check in on your post later and hope that you are doing okay - please don't feel bad if you need to take anti-depressants - I think that ratio is something like 1 in 3 people in their lifetime will take them - if you had a headache you wouldn't think twice about taking a paracetamol so whats the difference? We came so close to losing our son at 6 months due to phenmonia (sp?) and it was only afterwards when he was out of hospital that I had what I can only imagine was some sort of breakdown at 'what could have happened' - it was then that I saw the doc and he prescribed some 'happy pills'.

Take care

LoulaBelle