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  • FIRST POST
    zincoxide
    Having fun with Debitas
    • #1
    • 13th Feb 08, 7:14 PM
    Having fun with Debitas 13th Feb 08 at 7:14 PM
    After having an all out argument with Capital One where my card was used fraudulently - they decided because I take care of my card then it MUST be my fault.

    So they passed it over to Debitas who have written the normal threatening letters, so I have written to them asking for the CCA etc. They have been calling persistently now for weeks - so today I decided to have some fun:

    Debitas: Hello can I speak to Mr X
    Me: You are
    Debitas: Ok, can you confirm your date of birth
    Me: Nope
    Debitas: Sorry
    Me: You're forgiven
    Debitas: Sorry
    Me: ...
    Debitas: I guess you know what this is about - call us back (hangs up)

    Call 2:
    Debitas: Hello can I speak to Mr X
    Me: Who?
    Debitas: Mr X
    Me: Why would you like to speak to him?
    Debitas: Sorry...?
    Me: You're forgiven
    Debitas: Is this Mr X
    Me: Oh, well why don't you tell me your name first
    Debitas: That's irrelevant
    Me: But if you want to get to know me then it's only right I get to know you as well
    Debitas: (hangs up)

    Call 3:
    Debitas: Hello, can I speak to Mr X
    Me: He's dead
    Debitas: Oh, can you send us a copy of the death certificate?
    Me: Nope - I don't know who you are
    Debitas: We are Debitas Legal Services part of the capital one group
    Me: And...?
    Debitas: Erm, give me a sec (hangs up)

    Call 4:
    Debitas: Hello, can I...
    Me: (interupting) I was just sleeping
    Debitas: Can I speak to...
    Me: (interupting) What, I'm going back to sleep (hangs up)

    Call 5:
    Debitas: Hello, can I speak to Mr X
    Me: Only if I can speak to Santa Claus
    Debitas: Sorry (hangs up)

    I'm getting to enjoy this now - what other questions should I ask?


    Last edited by zincoxide; 27-04-2008 at 2:45 PM.
    Treat others as you would like to be treated
Page 1
  • SweetPea73
    • #2
    • 13th Feb 08, 7:53 PM
    • #2
    • 13th Feb 08, 7:53 PM
    WHAT CREAM DO YOU USE FOR YOUR PILES?

    DO YOU HAVE NOSE HAIRS?

    SORRY, I'M ABOUT TO WAX MY BITS, DO YOU WAX?

    Maybe they are bit silly , but it could be fun x x x
  • freyasmum
    • #3
    • 13th Feb 08, 7:59 PM
    • #3
    • 13th Feb 08, 7:59 PM
    Just seen these... they may come in handy Fair enough, they are replies for telemarketers, anyhoooo.......

    1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

    2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

    3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

    4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

    5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

    6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

    7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

    8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

    9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

    10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

    11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

    12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

    13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

    14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

    15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

    16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

    17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

    18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

    19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

    20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
    Last edited by freyasmum; 13-02-2008 at 8:01 PM.
  • zincoxide
    • #4
    • 14th Feb 08, 7:16 PM
    • #4
    • 14th Feb 08, 7:16 PM
    Some more calls from them today...

    Me: Why hello Debitas, I was worried about you
    Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X
    Me: Where have you been, you've not called since last night
    Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X please
    Me: But you haven't explained why you didn't call me
    Debitas: Sorry
    Me: Well it's been 12 hours since your last call
    Debitas: Are you Mr X?
    Me: What does your screen tell you?
    Debitas: I need to confirm some security questions
    Me: That's nice
    Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth?
    Me: Maybe - can you ask me nicely
    Debitas: I'll call you back in 20 mins (hangs up)

    Debitas: Hello, can I speak to Mr X?
    Me: Who?
    Debitas: Mr X
    Me: And why do you want to speak to him
    Debitas: That's confidential
    Me: So are his whereabouts so we're at a stalemate aren't we?
    Debitas: Erm.......(hangs up)

    Me: Oh thank goodness you called
    Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X please?
    Me: Who is calling?
    Debitas: Debitas
    Me: Why are you calling
    Debitas: To discuss an outstanding capital one debt
    Me: Thank you for breaching the DPA - this call has been recorded (hangs up)

    I'm looking forward to my next call
    Treat others as you would like to be treated
  • Numpty Monkey
    • #5
    • 14th Feb 08, 7:26 PM
    • #5
    • 14th Feb 08, 7:26 PM
    PROUD TO BE DEALING WITH MY DEBT NERD #869
    Numpty,Not sure why but I'm crying . Of all the peeps on this board you're the kindest & most supportive of all & I'm & for you all at the same time :confused: .Wish I was there to give you a big & emergency hobnobs
    xx
    DFD 5/1/16
  • zincoxide
    • #6
    • 14th Feb 08, 7:29 PM
    • #6
    • 14th Feb 08, 7:29 PM
    Just had another one

    Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X please?
    Me: Maybe
    Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth?
    Me: 25/12/00
    Debitas: Sorry
    Me: 25/12/00 - I am Jesus
    Debitas: Sorry
    Me: That's Ok, I forgive all sins
    Debitas: Is this Mr X
    Me: You are speaking to Jesus
    Debitas: Urm.....(hangs up)
    Treat others as you would like to be treated
  • zincoxide
    • #7
    • 14th Feb 08, 7:56 PM
    • #7
    • 14th Feb 08, 7:56 PM
    Just had another 2 - immediately after each other!!

    Me: Hello, Napolean Bonepart speaking
    Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X
    Me: No, you're speaking to Napolean Bonepart
    Debitas: Is Mr X there?
    Me: Yes, he's being sedated, I am Napolean
    Debitas: Can you ask Mr X to call us
    Me: Do you speak French
    Debitas: Erm, No
    Me: pourquoi vous n'allez pas bâton votre tête vers le haut de votre fond (why don't you go stick your head up your bottom)
    Debitas: Sorry, I don't speak French
    Me: I AM NAPOLEAN!!
    Debitas: .... (hangs up)

    Me: Hello, Mr X speaking
    Debitas: Is that Mr X?
    Me: No, it's Mr X
    Debitas: Can you tell me your date of birth
    Me: Only if you tell me yours
    Debitas: I can see you're not willing to help yourself
    Me: Help myself to what? Are yu giving something away?
    Debitas: We'll call you back (hangs up)
    Treat others as you would like to be treated
  • Anthillmob
    • #8
    • 14th Feb 08, 8:01 PM
    • #8
    • 14th Feb 08, 8:01 PM
    i had a complete divot on the phone earlier. a foreign speaking gentleman who when i asnwered started 'barking' at me in god knows what language. when i said youve got the wrong number mate he started really 'barking' at me, god knows what he was saying and then repeated my number at me. i hung up.

    then he called back and the 'barking' started again so i hung up. when i needed to make a call ten mins or so later the dopey tw@t was still on the line so i couldnt make an outgoing call, i could hear him eating. when i said hello he started barking at me and repeating my phone number over and over again until i told him to '!!!! off my phone line or ill report you'.

    i assume it was a wrong number but what kind of numpty doesnt accept its a wrong number and then sits and listens to silence when the other caller has hung up for ten mins?

    dickwad!
    There's someone in my head, but it's not me
    • Sagaris
    • By Sagaris 14th Feb 08, 8:04 PM
    • 1,679 Posts
    • 4,767 Thanks
    Sagaris
    • #9
    • 14th Feb 08, 8:04 PM
    • #9
    • 14th Feb 08, 8:04 PM
    Keep 'em coming - these are the sort of replies I'd have liked to have given when OH was being hassled by a DCA!
    Well done!
    Almost 2 stones gone!
    RIP Clio 1.9.93 - 7.4.10
    I WILL be tidy, I WILL be tidy!
  • zincoxide
    Just had another one!!

    Me: Hello
    Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X
    Me: You'll have to speak up, I lost my hearing aid
    Debitas: (shouting) Can I speak to Mr X
    Me: Speaking - how can I help you
    Debitas: This is Mr Y from Debitas
    Me: Sorry - speak up
    Debitas: (shouting) This is Mr Y from Debitas, I need you to pass some security questions
    Me: That's nice
    Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth and post code?
    Me: Sorry - speak up boy!
    Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth and post code?
    Me: I don't really want to
    Debitas: If it makes you feel any better, these details are available to the public on the electoral role
    Me: Great! Why don't you confirm my details there and call me back!!
    Debitas: How is that confirming your identity?
    Me: Speak up
    Debitas: (shouting) How is that confirming your identity
    Me: I don't need to confirm my identity - I know who I am
    Debitas: Right Mr X, I assume you know what this is about, have you received our letters?
    Me: Oh hang on, I've just found my hearing aid
    Debitas: You are not helping yourself and you'll learn this in the future
    Me: Oh dear - are you gonna send the boys around?
    Debitas: A bailiff may be sent around
    Me: Oh I hope he's the rugby type - does he have a firm bum?
    Debitas: Keep your mobile on Mr X (hangs up)
    Treat others as you would like to be treated
  • Numpty Monkey
    what kind of numpty doesnt accept its a wrong number and then sits and listens to silence when the other caller has hung up for ten mins?
    dickwad!
    Originally posted by Anthillmob
    Why do I always get the blame:confused:
    PROUD TO BE DEALING WITH MY DEBT NERD #869
    Numpty,Not sure why but I'm crying . Of all the peeps on this board you're the kindest & most supportive of all & I'm & for you all at the same time :confused: .Wish I was there to give you a big & emergency hobnobs
    xx
    DFD 5/1/16
  • zincoxide
    I'm now sure they are just passing my number around the office, here's the next instalment!

    Me: Hello emergency services, how may I direct your call?
    Debitas: I am looking for Mr X
    Me: Are you in need of help from police, fire or ambulance sir?
    Debitas: Sorry
    Me: You are through to the emergency services - what is your emergency?
    Debitas: ... (hangs up)
    Treat others as you would like to be treated
  • lyndseyann
    these are funny-keep em up!!!!!!!!!!!11
    When you read my posts, think Barry from Auf weidersehen pet...I sound just like him
    Boing boing baggies baggies
  • zincoxide
    These are surely the last calls of the evening:

    Me: Hello, thank you for calling Mr X, Calls may be recorded for quality and monitoring purposes. Please select from the following options to continue...
    Debitas: (silence)
    Me: Press 1 if you are a moron, Press 2 if you are cute, Press 3 if you'd like some money, Press 4 if you'd like to give me some money or press the hash key to get high
    Debitas: (a button is pressed)
    Me: (hangs up)

    Immediately afterwards, I mean seconds since the previous call!!

    Me: (groan) Grrrrrrrrrrr, Hello
    Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X?
    Me: nnnnnnnn, uuuuuuurrrrr, groan, grrrrrrr .... yeah, who's calling?
    Debitas: It's debitas
    Me: Ok, give me a....groan....sec.....ggrrrrr, oooooucch, aaaaargh, ooooooo, Aaaaah!
    Debitas: Are you ok?
    Me: Yup, uuuuurgh, aaah, .... just finishing
    Debitas: (hangs up)

    I'm sure they won't call after 9pm - at least I'm hoping they won't cause I'm running out of ideas!!
    Treat others as you would like to be treated
  • G-G
    Oh my god, that is soooo funny!

    I am subscribing to this thread! haha
    BSC Member 155
  • wanting2save
    OMG i have nearly just wet myself at this thread!!

    But on a serious note, are you sure you are not making it worse for yourself? I hope they have a sense of humour because i am really enjoyiong it!!

    x
    **Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened!‏**

    **Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away**
  • creamcheese
    Brilliant, best laugh I've had in a while!



    (Subscribing for the next installment!)
  • zincoxide
    THEY HAD THE CHEEK TO JUST CALL AGAIN!!

    Me: Hulo
    Debitas: Hello, can I speak to Mr X
    Me: Who?
    Debitas: Mr X, who am I speaking to?
    Me: It's the burglars
    Debitas: Sorry?
    Me: It's the burglars - we're just leaving there's not much here
    Debitas: Is Mr X there?
    Me: I hope not, he might catch me
    Debitas: Who is this?
    Me: it's the burglars - you're not too bright are you?
    Debitas: What address are you at?
    Me: I dunno but there was a window open
    Debitas: ... (hangs up)
    Treat others as you would like to be treated
  • Sugar Coated Owl
    I wonder if they are finding it as amusing as us.
    --><-- Sugar Coated Owl --><--

    If you believe, you will survive - Katie Piper

    Woohoo! I'm normal! Gotta go tell the cat.
  • V_tricky
    Me too!!!!

    Today's been a bit of a waste of a day, so nice to have a laugh
    All posts made are my own opinions and constitute neither professional advice nor the opinions of my employers
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