Guardian Soulmates Dating is a waste of time and ...

[peakoilisnow]

Hi all,

I have logged onto a few dating sites. From a compatibility point of view, and as a Grauniad reader, Soulmates seemed good. The people there seemed to be quite frankly more of my social class, political and personal likes (green, non religious, nonsmoking) and articulate.

So I ponied up my 20 quid for a month and uploaded what I think was a witty profile, photos, and sent out about 12 carefully worded emails to "matches" that I thought sounded potentials.

I got two replies, both of the short "thanks but no thanks" variety.

I also received no emails from women I hadn't approached . A couple put themselves down as "fans" but did not reply to my emails.

I would not recommend Soulmates. It has been a complete waste of time, and the method of Unsubscribing from the Worldpay subscription system is complex, so you can get dunned if your anti-spam filter has eaten the original sign-up email.

That's just my personal experience. It wouldn't have been so bad if I had received courteous replies to some mails, and realised the person was non-compatible, but this was rather dispiriting.

[asea]

Sorry to sound so harsh - it but it is probably you!!! I recommend Soulmates to all of my single friends. I have used it myself & had plenty of replies & was together with someone I met through Soulmates for about a year. My neighbour met his girlfriend on there (I like to take credit for pursuading him to go on there!), my best friend is dating a girl she met through Soulmates & several of my friends are currently having fun using the website. I even know someone that is writing a book on all her adventures with dating using the Website!

Maybe try a new profile?? I have to say alot of people try far too hard in their profiles, which can be a big turn off! Good luck anyway

[hooting_owl]

Out of all the dating sites, it is probably the best. You need to give it at least three months, perhaps six. Keep updating your profile so that it rises to the top of the search engine. Perhaps ask someone (pref. female) to review your profile as what seems amusing to 'us blokes' can come over as something very different to other people.
You could try looking at the profiles of other blokes to get an idea of what people are writing. Treat it as a bit of a laugh and an extension of your social circle. And consider going out on dates with women who you don't think are likely matches - they just may surprise you. Remember, going on a date does not oblige you to marry them...
p

[Bambywamby]

Personally I thought match.com was good...more totty than one could handle.

[Retired I.F.A.]

Suckers are easily parted from their cash.:rolleyes:

Learn how to chat a bird up, your going to have to anyways even if they match you up with someone.

[Rex_Mundi]

The Guardian is also my daily read, but I never regarded Soulmates as worth spending time (or money) on (I just like the news and crosswords).

Being a moneysaver, when I tried online dating last year, I went for the free option. I met a few lovely ladies through midsummerseve.com and didn't pay a penny to the site (it's free to put up a profile and send/receive messages).

[impy78]

Originally Posted by Bambywamby

Personally I thought match.com was good...more totty than one could handle.

I didn't love Match....they all only wanted one thing, and I don't need to pay £20 a month for that!!!

[magentadreamer]

My best mate had all but given up on men till a gang of us presuaded her to join - she met her hubby on there. Plus her sister is about to get married to her blokey who she met on there as well!

[MrsTine]

looking I think that's a tad harsh I'm not going to pretend I'm supermodel material, but I like to think I'm ok looking! And I found my now husband on an online dating site many moons ago. Don't get me wrong there were definitely some guys on there with issues but frankly none that I'd also expect to come across in guys trying to pick me up in clubs and bars and whatnot...
Both DH and I are what I'd call "busy professionals" and frankly neither of us really had the time nor patience to go to clubs and try and chat people up etc... We work blooming hard and the only way really to meet new people was to go online. It's all about being honest about what you want though and putting that in your profile. Although if you have a stuffed squirrel army you might wanna keep that to yourself... :P

Seriously - find a site that is recommended to you by friends because if your friends like it then chances are that you will too - afterall you are friends with them for a reason and that often is that you have SOMETHING in common

[Gingham Ribbon]

I'd stick with it for a little longer. I remember one night about 6 years ago, sitting with a couple of friends while they decided what to say on their messages on soulmates. Some wine was drunk, some silly messages abandoned, some phonecalls made...

Forward on 6 years and those phonecalls paid off. One had fun dating for a while, the other married the girl he met as a result of those calls.

I have to say though, it's well worth asking a mate (female would be ideal but not necessarily important) to tell you what she thinks of your messages as maybe there's something you're saying or not saying that you need to consider changing.

Good luck!

[annie_d]

And i met my husband in a chat room 8 years ago and could not be happier.

[Pssst]

Originally Posted by impy78

I didn't love Match....they all only wanted one thing, and I don't need to pay £20 a month for that!!!

What..the men or the wimmin..?

[Savvy_Sue]

MOVING THREADS TO DT/ARMS

Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move discussions from the MoneySaving boards if they’re not related to MoneySaving to help everyone find the MoneySaving tips and discussion quicker (please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to The Arms. If you have any questions about this policy please email abuse@moneysavingexpert.com.

I know we already have at least one online dating thread down there so the OP might find a recommendation.

[johnpaulpops]

I wouldn't have thought 12 emails would get you your soulmate, as mentioned above these things take time - how many men / women would you expect to chat to in a pub before finding one to drive off into the sunset with?

I've just put my toe in the water with online dating at the princely sum of a fiver a month on www.singlewithkids.co.uk. (I'm a single parent so don't think anyone else will want me ) It's cheaper than buying someone a drink nowadays so it'll be great if it works, I won't cry into my beer if it doesn't.

JP

[twirlypinky]

Originally Posted by lookingtomeet

Well, from my experience of online dating, the only real people are very sub-standard, not just their looks, but sadly their personalities as well, not to mention the fact that the majority of them seem to be illiterate, incapable of using words of more than one syllable let alone being able to string more than two of those words together to form an actual sentence! As for the rest, they either only want a cyber relationship (another sad indictment of the society we live in today) or they just don't exist or have psychological problems - let's face it, why else would someone with supermodel good looks (need to) be on an online date site?! Finally, the majority of sites, even the ones you pay for, seem to be over-run with scammers, whether it be African men, pretending to be White, usually American (for some strange reason, only best known to them!) businessmen, or false profiles that lead men to websites for mail order Russian brides, or pay to view/chat Webcam girls...But I guess that'll teach us all to be so shallow!

I think this is a little harsh. I like to think that I'm fairly normal and not too frightening looking, and i was on match. I don't really go anywhere to meet a man, and I'm certainly not about to start going to bars on my own.
I don't live near my family, my friends are all in relationships and I didn't want to be "set up" with anyone because a) there's too much pressure and b) if you end up hating each other your poor friend won't be able to see you both at the same time!

I have to say though, I think it's shame the photos that people put on these sites aren't really a true reflection of that person. If you've put on a few pounds (or stone!) then you need to update your picture!

[Gavin83]

Originally Posted by lookingtomeet

Well, from my experience of online dating, the only real people are very sub-standard, not just their looks, but sadly their personalities as well, not to mention the fact that the majority of them seem to be illiterate, incapable of using words of more than one syllable let alone being able to string more than two of those words together to form an actual sentence! As for the rest, they either only want a cyber relationship (another sad indictment of the society we live in today) or they just don't exist or have psychological problems - let's face it, why else would someone with supermodel good looks (need to) be on an online date site?! Finally, the majority of sites, even the ones you pay for, seem to be over-run with scammers, whether it be African men, pretending to be White, usually American (for some strange reason, only best known to them!) businessmen, or false profiles that lead men to websites for mail order Russian brides, or pay to view/chat Webcam girls...But I guess that'll teach us all to be so shallow!

Which category do you happen to fall into?

[Steve-o]

I was about to ask that myself.

[frannyann]

Originally Posted by ormus

the very last female id ever want, is a fec kin guardian reader.

Oiiii!!! *takes offense and slams door on way out*

[MothballsWallet]

I met Mrs MbW through an internet-based dating agency... And that was 13 years ago (we've been married for 7 years).

[themarquist]

Originally Posted by MothballsWallet

I met Mrs MbW through an internet-based dating agency... And that was 13 years ago (we've been married for 7 years).

wow that's awesome! (was the intertnet even around that long ago!? )

I've bene happy for almost a year since taking the plunge and joining a site after browsing a free dating site. Money saving all the way!

Good luck

edit:

http://freeukdating.org