Fit note - reasonable things I can do while off sick

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  • unforeseen
    unforeseen Posts: 7,283 Forumite
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    Are these work friends part of the workplace behaviour problem?
  • sangie595
    sangie595 Posts: 6,092 Forumite
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    camelot1971 wrote: »
    We'll just have to agree to disagree. No where have I said someone off sick for work related stress can't have a life or must live like a hermit.

    What I did say was if absolutely nothing changes in a persons life other than going to work, how is that making progress to get better?

    I've actually been a manager and helped staff through work related stress. Quite a few times it actually turned out to be nothing to do with work and everything to do with other problems in their lives.

    I also had people use "stress" as an excuse for not wanting to do any work and I have also supporting people who have had genuine issues at work and helped my employer fix the problem.

    Finally, a lot of jobs have an element of stress in them, especially public facing ones! Just because someone doesn't want any stress at all doesn't make them right.
    I am quoting you - "If you can have a "normal" life outside of work without the bother of actually going in to work, how fair is that to your colleagues?". That is guilt tripping. You have no idea what the OP does for a living because they didn't say. Or the reason for the stress, because they didn't say. And what you might or might not have done as a manager is irrelevant. The OP asked if they could go out to see friends, and have a drink. Your response was that that would not be fair on their colleagues. If that is an example of how you support your staff, God help them. The OP never said they don't want any stress. You are making gross assumptions. For all you know this person had been bullied, harassed, attacked... We don't know. Maybe they are not telling the truth. Maybe they just can't take the pace. Maybe they aren't for for a public facing role. But NONE of that is in evidence. They asked a simple question and your response has nothing to do with answering that question.
  • andygb
    andygb Posts: 14,631 Forumite
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    Years ago, I was off work with depression (which actually ended with me successfully winning a constructive dismissal case against the employer) which started with a serious illness.
    When I was off work, I couldn't bear to be in any social gathering because I was paranoid about everyone around me. I used to go for very long walks - four to six hours at a time, and despite this, I couldn't sleep properly because my mind was so full of everything.
    My advice to the OP would be to stay away from social media entirely, and to keep any socialising very low key.
  • shortcrust
    shortcrust Posts: 2,697 Forumite
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    edited 27 November 2017 at 12:00AM
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    camelot1971 wrote: »
    If the stress is coming from your workplace, keeping away from work won't fix the problem, it will just mask it. What are you and your employer doing about that?

    Did you have a stress risk assessment? What does your GP think you should be doing?

    The longer you stay off work the harder it will be to go back. If you can have a "normal" life outside of work without the bother of actually going in to work, how fair is that to your colleagues?

    You need to get well again but you do need to tackle the issues directly else it could go on forever.

    Often people need time away before they can begin to tackle the issues that are causing the stress. I'd have thought that was blindingly obvious.

    To answer the OP's question, I think going out with friends when signed off with stress is perfectly reasonable.
  • dori2o
    dori2o Posts: 8,150 Forumite
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    Nothing at all wrong with you socialising etc. When you have a mental illness its good to mix and try and get some normality back in life.

    When we were off last year trying to deal with berevement our GP and councillors suggested getting away and having a short break whilst signed off. Their suggestion being that we might find it easier to get out from the house if we didnt have to worry about meeting people we know who we hadnt seen since before the death of our daughter, meaning we could get into a routine of getting out and about without causing further issues with anxiety.

    It was a great help to us and gave us some time together to help us understand what our new life was going to be like.

    If we had ignored the suggestion I dont think we'd be where we are now in terms of our (still extremely slow) recovery from the single most painful event to have happened in our lives.
    [SIZE=-1]To equate judgement and wisdom with occupation is at best . . . insulting.
    [/SIZE]
  • takman
    takman Posts: 3,876 Forumite
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    Karenl2012 wrote: »
    I have been signed off with workplace stress and I am unsure what I am allowed to do while I'm off. I have been signed off for 2 months (I go back the middle of Jan). I have worked at my company for over 8 years and the stress is due to behaviour in the workplace.

    I always find it abit strange how the treatment for stress caused by the workplace is to simply stay off work for an arbitrary period of time and then simply go back again as normal.

    That's like going to the doctors with a lung condition caused by inhaling a specific chemical and the doctor tells you to stop inhaling the chemical for 2 months and then continue to do it again.

    I hope you are either trying to sort the issues with your employer in this time or are looking for another job. It sounds like nothing will be resolved unless you take action yourself.
  • Karenl2012
    Karenl2012 Posts: 14 Forumite
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    Hello,


    Apologies for the late response and thank you to everyone for your messages. The work I do is not causing me stress, I actually really enjoy my work its the atmosphere and behaviour of some of the senior colleagues at work which is causing the issues but that's another very long story!


    The friend from work who has asked me to meet up is still currently working there. I have agreed to meet up this week but am going to cancel the day before (coward!) as I don't think its wise to meet no matter how good friends we are which is a shame.


    I am not willing to quit my job as I have worked hard for many years, my benefits are good and I don't see why I should leave down to the unacceptable behaviour of a few people. I have been very vocal about this to my direct line manager and HR so I can't imagine this is going to end well for me anyway. Unfortunately this is not something that I think is ever going to change. I just didn't want to give them any ammo so to speak of and seeing me out and about might be just what they need.


    I do feel incredibly guilty about being off because ultimately it affects a lot of my colleagues (people who have to cover my work / people who have longer turnaround times to actually get the work done) but I hit a wall and I just felt like I needed a break from that situation, I never realised it would actually be this long of a break, I was a bit of a mess when I saw the GP. I am starting to feel better but you are right Camelot, it is just masking the situation.


    With regards to what has been done, nothing so far. HR is off on holiday so I'm sure they will get in touch when they are back to let me know the next steps. Maybe they will put a plan in place or address making some changes, who knows!


    I think I'll stick to the safety of my house and if I feel up to it have a few nights in with my non work friends at my house.


    Thank you again for all of your amazing advice and experience, it really is very helpful. :)
  • Karenl2012
    Karenl2012 Posts: 14 Forumite
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    Sorry I didn't reply to some of the questions:


    Friend does know my situation / have a feeling she is also in the same boat! Friends not part of the problem at work.


    I have started doing some yoga in my bedroom, walking nearly daily and I have been attending CBT therapy weekly since I have been signed off with a lovely lady.


    Dori20, I'm so sorry to hear about you loss and what you have and are still going through. Thank you for sharing and I hope each day that passes gets a little easier for you.


    Thank you
  • fairy_lights
    fairy_lights Posts: 9,220 Forumite
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    Karenl2012 wrote: »
    The friend from work who has asked me to meet up is still currently working there. I have agreed to meet up this week but am going to cancel the day before (coward!) as I don't think its wise to meet no matter how good friends we are which is a shame.
    Don't cancel, it would probably do you a lot of good to spend some time with a friend.
    My OH is currently signed of work with stress and has met up with a few of his friends from work in that time, they understand the work situation so can relate to how he's feeling.
    If you think your friend will report back to your employer after meeting with you just avoid talking about anything work related.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,094 Community Admin
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    I had rhe same issues when i was on ESA after losing my job. I was petrified of even leaving the house in case someone i knew saw me. After several sessions with my psychiatrist and cpn they both encouraged me to go out, see people, do stuff and not isolate myself as that was making my mental health worse
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