Life without spending, another light bulb moment

its_maths_not_magic · 21 November 2013 at 12:14AM

So, Mr MNM and I were talking about our christmas shopping list. Luckily for us, all our family are back in Australia so we don't have to buy a lot of gifts, its only us. I asked him what he wanted for xmas and he ummed and ahhed a bit. Didn't want any DVD's - can get it all on line. Didn't want any tools. No toys. No books. Then he asked me what I wanted. The same thing. There was nothing I *really* wanted. Nothing that I can't get free online anyway. All we really want is to hitch our caravan up and head off yonder - all it will cost extra is the petrol.

Then it hit me. We've become anti-consumers. Pulling our belts in now is not the deprived life I thought it was going to be. Infact, Im happier now than I've been in a long time. It doesn't feel like going without at all. I think part of it is I no longer watch TV, so I don't have ads trying to convince me that I really need the latest thing or presenting me with some sort of fantasy lifestyle that could be mine for low, low prices. Which lead to my second light bulb moment...

I finally get the point about things not making you happy. In the past I was confused because buying things feels exciting. But now I realise that I had mistaken that thrill for happiness and that happiness is an entirely different kettle of fish. For me it comes from achievement, being out in nature, spending time with my tiny family, creating, meditating, learning. None of which cost a penny.

Point is, if you're just starting out on this journey, it doesn't have to be all deprivation and joylessness. It can be as rich and as satisfying as you want to make it. Happy holidays all.

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henrik1971 · 21 November 2013 at 2:02AM

Great message. Much appreciated.

I can do the thing you've said - reach a level of non-materialistic contentment for a period of time, perhaps a few months, but then life and people eat into me and drag me back into the snowstorm!
Its difficult when we live in a society which uses money and possessions to keep score. We also have the natural inclination to compare ourselves to all the people around us who are doing better than us.
I continue to strive to get back to that place you describe. I get a bit closer to it everytime I wear my 2nd hand sartorial suits, use my 1998 mobile phone, drive my 20 year old car, or watch my 32" Sony Trinitron CRT TV which cost 99p from ebay. Material things like this give me a warm feeling inside. Not contentment exactly - but certainly some peace of mind in this obsessive ipad, iphone, designer clothes, bmw, 50" plasma, long-haul holiday-obsessed culture we live in!

Scritti · 21 November 2013 at 3:34AM

its_maths_not_magic wrote: »

So, Mr MNM and I were talking about our christmas shopping list...etc

I've nothing to add to that other than to say that it was a ****ing fantastic post!!

I feel exactly the same right now (and hopefully for a long time to come).

Hope this gets a LOT of views 'cos that was very inspiring and I found it quite moving. Many thanks, IMNM!!

Pippin12 · 21 November 2013 at 4:48AM

its_maths_not_magic wrote: »

So, Mr MNM and I were talking about our christmas shopping list. Luckily for us, all our family are back in Australia so we don't have to buy a lot of gifts, its only us. I asked him what he wanted for xmas and he ummed and ahhed a bit. Didn't want any DVD's - can get it all on line. Didn't want any tools. No toys. No books. Then he asked me what I wanted. The same thing. There was nothing I *really* wanted. Nothing that I can't get free online anyway. All we really want is to hitch our caravan up and head off yonder - all it will cost extra is the petrol.

Then it hit me. We've become anti-consumers. Pulling our belts in now is not the deprived life I thought it was going to be. Infact, Im happier now than I've been in a long time. It doesn't feel like going without at all. I think part of it is I no longer watch TV, so I don't have ads trying to convince me that I really need the latest thing or presenting me with some sort of fantasy lifestyle that could be mine for low, low prices. Which lead to my second light bulb moment...

I finally get the point about things not making you happy. In the past I was confused because buying things feels exciting. But now I realise that I had mistaken that thrill for happiness and that happiness is an entirely different kettle of fish. For me it comes from achievement, being out in nature, spending time with my tiny family, creating, meditating, learning. None of which cost a penny.

Point is, if you're just starting out on this journey, it doesn't have to be all deprivation and joylessness. It can be as rich and as satisfying as you want to make it. Happy holidays all.

Fantastic post. I've got a long way to go in relearning my spending habits but this gives me hope - thanks OP.

Kate_fixing_it · 21 November 2013 at 7:52AM

Fantastic positive post

the mister and I had a similar conversation last night and you're right, there really isn't anything I can buy that will make me happy. If I REALLY need it I can research prices and cheaper options and get it for myself and he thinks the same way. I thought I was the only one thinking this way so thank you for such a positive and inspiring post.

Kate x

quantic · 21 November 2013 at 10:00AM

I've been saving and overpaying the mortgage pretty religiously this year, before that it was saving for our wedding and before that again it was saving up to buy my first house. So its been a good 4/5 years of sustained saving and not spending for me and I can totally understand what your saying.

People keep asking me if there is anything I want for xmas and I literally can't think of anything - its not because I have everything either, I just have much less interest in things. Don't get me wrong I like some toys but they have to have a purpose and a real tangible gain not just a phone with a 2% better camera for example.

By xmas we will have reached our savings goal and I can honestly say I'm not that bothered about blowing money on things. Its crazy how much people waste on things they don't need to impress people they don't even like.

NinjaSavingKat · 21 November 2013 at 10:40AM

I would have to agree with this post. I want "experiance" not things. My plans are slowly pulling together. Just glad I am not the only one that thinks his way!

MrsGSR · 21 November 2013 at 12:49PM

Yes I couldn't agree more!
We do want for little but we do love experiences (an expensive music festival this year is one thing that accounts for that number below!)
However I've learned this year that things don't have to cost a bomb, we don't have to go to an overpriced, commercialized festival when we can go to a tiny one with a much better atmosphere. Going to the forest and searching for sticks, leaves and pinecones are simple pleasures my children love, as welk as jumping in muddy puddles! Walking along the beach and finding shells and stones washed up, making footprints in the sand and paddling in waves (even in the winter) are things we would rather be doing and next year I plan to do even more of that.
What is important is being with those you love, and those who love you for what you are and not the fancy stuff you can buy. I refuse to impress anyone with "stuff" and would rather impress them with my baking.
All I have ever wanted for christmas is some new pjs and socks! Useful stuff.

Pee · 21 November 2013 at 12:56PM

My boyfriend doesn't do presents. I will get him some stuff, but it's all stuff that he needs bought at a good price - there is a second hand shirt in there, new jeans that were a bargain price etc. I was feeling a little bit left out as I will only have a £10 secret santa to open and thought what would I most want. A holiday, yes, of course, and there is some jewellry I would like but not at that price. My car may be very old but it's beautiful.

heyjude2013 · 21 November 2013 at 1:32PM

Brilliant post! Helped me today, I was starting to feel a little like a cheapskate as i ponder who I'm going my homemade liquors and sloe gins too and who might get baked goods :-)

feel reminded that people always tend to prefer my homemade gestures (card, reused bottles and often less than perfect baking!) than some c**p they didn't want anyway from a shop

Have a good day all :-)

GenericUsername · 21 November 2013 at 3:04PM

This is a brilliant post because I think there are a lot of people out there who still haven't managed to be able to detach themselves from the constant bombardment of advertising making us believe that we can't be happy without 'things'. My favourite thing to loathe at the moment is the adverts for the credit card companies that show us how they make life better and are really trying to help us. It makes my blood boil especially when they call these cards things like Barclaycard Freedom etc. Having a credit card is anything but freedom.

Recently my OH and myself went on a trip to Northern Spain to walk the Camino de Santiago and I can honestly say I have never felt happier and more contented than just living simply without constant advertising, media, news stories and possessions. All we had was the packs on our backs and a little bit of cash and I will tell you something that may still shock the general population. We needed for nothing, didn't starve, didn't miss 'the things' - car, tv, etc.

As you get older (I am now a whopping 35:)) you may be lucky enough to have a LBM. Most of the people here probably have and as part of it you may even realise the truth. 'Things' will never make someone happy. 'Experiences' make people happy. Mental well-being makes people happy. I sometimes think that the more things you have the more you have to worry about. When you really think about what you need (and I mean need) it is as simple as - Shelter, Food, Warmth. Not much else is a necessity.

It is a big hazard to commercialism if people start to realise that they don't need all the carp they try to sell us everyday. I really can't remember one item or possession that I have sold, given away or lost that still bothers me not having it. As for Christmas, if I can avoid shopping and spending money I can't afford on things nobody needs then it really will be Christmas. Time off work with my family, having a drink and enjoying some food without a load of presents that will mean nothing come January.

Music, Films, Tv programmes are all now free online if you know where to look. We've been over charged for these items for years so now it's time for a little payback. Keep your money in your pocket and get all you media online without paying a penny (broadband connection excepted).

Once you get into the mindset of ignoring advertisers and marketers and just enjoying time rather than things, you will be amazed that you ever lived any other way. Once you turn off the news and stop worrying about all the things they tell us are important, you will be amazed how much time there is to actually read, think and learn about things that actually matter. It is an amazing thing to live without fear and avoid putting a '£' sign on everything in life. I wonder how many people look back and say 'my life would have had a deep sense of fulfilment if only I'd had a bigger TV'. I reckon, none.

Life without spending, another light bulb moment

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