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  • FIRST POST
    alwaysworried
    I can't believe I'm in this position again!!!
    • #1
    • 21st Nov 12, 5:51 PM
    I can't believe I'm in this position again!!! 21st Nov 12 at 5:51 PM
    hello, I guess I'm just here to offload how I feel and about how disappointed I am in myself.

    I'm afraid I've gotten myself into debt again to the sum of 15,000 approx.

    I am so ashamed and disappointed in myself. I have been worrying about this for the past couple of days I have no one I can talk to. I can't tell my husband if I do, I will lose my family because I've done this before. I've let him and my 2 kids down.

    I know this is no excuse but for the past 9 months or so, I was really really depressed and this is how the debt has been run up. I would buy things for the house, my kids, my husband and myself to make me feel better. The things I bought for myself were to make me feel like I was good enough as the next person because I've always felt as if I wasn't good enough.

    I don't have the guts to post an SOA but can say after all the bills and minimum payments are paid, there is approximately 550 left per month which is for food, petrol and anything else that crops up.

    In October I realised I was sailing close to the wind and needed to do something, so I cut my sky, switched utility bills etc and saved approx 80 per month, then my hours and wages got cut at work, so that wiped out any savings I made.
    I can't looked for another job because I need to work round the kids as I don't have anyone to look after them. If I did get another job I would need to put them into after school care and any extra money I earned would go to pay that, so I wouldn't be better off.

    I feel so low and down, I even considered ending it all but then thought what's the point my husband would still have my debts to pay. Even if I did end it, God wouldn't accept me because I ended my own life.
    My family probably would be better off without me.

    I'm too scared to contact the credit card companies etc to see if I could come to some sort of arrangement, because we have a lot of equity on our home (approx 200,000 if we go by what the other houses in the area sell for) and I would be too frightened incase they tried to take the house or something.

    I am such a waste of space I really don't know why I was put on this earth!
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