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I can't believe I'm in this position again!!!
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# 1
alwaysworried
Old 21-11-2012, 5:51 PM
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Default I can't believe I'm in this position again!!!

hello, I guess I'm just here to offload how I feel and about how disappointed I am in myself.

I'm afraid I've gotten myself into debt again to the sum of 15,000 approx.

I am so ashamed and disappointed in myself. I have been worrying about this for the past couple of days I have no one I can talk to. I can't tell my husband if I do, I will lose my family because I've done this before. I've let him and my 2 kids down.

I know this is no excuse but for the past 9 months or so, I was really really depressed and this is how the debt has been run up. I would buy things for the house, my kids, my husband and myself to make me feel better. The things I bought for myself were to make me feel like I was good enough as the next person because I've always felt as if I wasn't good enough.

I don't have the guts to post an SOA but can say after all the bills and minimum payments are paid, there is approximately 550 left per month which is for food, petrol and anything else that crops up.

In October I realised I was sailing close to the wind and needed to do something, so I cut my sky, switched utility bills etc and saved approx 80 per month, then my hours and wages got cut at work, so that wiped out any savings I made.
I can't looked for another job because I need to work round the kids as I don't have anyone to look after them. If I did get another job I would need to put them into after school care and any extra money I earned would go to pay that, so I wouldn't be better off.

I feel so low and down, I even considered ending it all but then thought what's the point my husband would still have my debts to pay. Even if I did end it, God wouldn't accept me because I ended my own life.
My family probably would be better off without me.

I'm too scared to contact the credit card companies etc to see if I could come to some sort of arrangement, because we have a lot of equity on our home (approx 200,000 if we go by what the other houses in the area sell for) and I would be too frightened incase they tried to take the house or something.

I am such a waste of space I really don't know why I was put on this earth!
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# 2
lizzy23
Old 21-11-2012, 6:01 PM
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,Didn't want to read and run, so take a deep breath and breathe, no one is a waste of space, if you are. there are a lot of us in the same boat, please contact one of the debt charities for advice, by the sounds of it this is really dragging you down and you need some help.
LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes
1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off
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# 3
DCFC79
Old 21-11-2012, 6:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alwaysworried View Post
I am such a waste of space I really don't know why I was put on this earth!
Im sure your not a waste of space so stop thinking like that.

You made a mistake, we all make them whether not as serious or quite serious.

Last edited by DCFC79; 21-11-2012 at 6:17 PM.
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# 4
alwaysworried
Old 21-11-2012, 7:12 PM
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Thank you both for replying, but I don't think my husband will see it like that.

One time last year I was overdrawn by 134 (it was on an authorised overdraft) and life was absolutely hell for a few weeks.
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# 5
lizzy23
Old 21-11-2012, 7:24 PM
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Please don't think i'm speaking out of turn, but is your husband really that controlling? even if he is, it doesn't alter the fact that you need some help, both financially and emotionally, we all make mistakes the hardest thing is admitting the mistakes
LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes
1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off
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# 6
AdamKels
Old 21-11-2012, 7:27 PM
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Location: Derbyshire
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Depression is a very serious issue and not one to be taken lightly. The important thing to do is begin believing in yourself again. It seems as if you have dug a hole but it is definitely not one that you cannot climb out of. There are MSE users that have upwards of 40k worth of debt with no visible way of paying it off, but slowly and surely, those debts are decreasing, and with help and support from Debt charities, this board, friends and family, anyone can get through it.

There are hundreds, if not thousands of people in the same situation as you, you are not alone. I don't know your husband but if he loves you he will understand. I am very much like him in the fact that I get angry when my wife spends, but if she came to me with the problems you have, and I understood how upset she was, I would sympathise and we would get through it.

I wish you all the best and I know you will recover from this.
Debts:
Car:
4844.34 0!
Wedding: 2500 1000

Deadline - June 2013 (Immigration to USA)
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# 7
Betty Crumble
Old 21-11-2012, 7:28 PM
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not quite sure what to say other than dont even think about doing anything stupid, nothing is that bad.

*hugs*
Littlewoods 10 Very BNPL 234.42
My total debt is 7242.32244.42
Extra payment a week: This week:
Total to date: 1279.29 not incl this week
#33 NOvember challenge
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# 8
alwaysworried
Old 21-11-2012, 7:30 PM
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Hi,

I don't know if I would call him controlling, maybe he is, he absolutely hates debt.

The las time I got into debt he was so mad (and quite rightly so), he told me if I ever did anything like that again, it would be over and I believe him.
He won't want to know how I was feeling etc and the how's/whys of how I got into debt.

All of the debt is in my name so if he did tell me it was over then the debt would come with me, and I would probably lose my kids because of this too.
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# 9
lizzy23
Old 21-11-2012, 7:34 PM
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i'm sorry but marriage is a partnership, and to be brutally frank there are more important things than money, you have built this debt up because of your own lack of self worth, you do sound seriously depressed and i urge you to get some help for this, if your Hubby loves you he will be supportive of your illness not threatening to leave and take your kids because you racked up a bit of debt in an effort to feel better
LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes
1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off
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# 10
sistafromanothermista
Old 21-11-2012, 7:35 PM
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Join Date: May 2012
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Looking at your previous posts about him i would say controlling at the very least IMO................
20,308 ----> 0 in 24 months

Debt free and proud, next step....I want to be a MFW
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# 11
alwaysworried
Old 21-11-2012, 7:36 PM
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Oh lizzie I wish I had your optimism.

Thank you everyone for trying to make me feel better.
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# 12
lizzy23
Old 21-11-2012, 7:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alwaysworried View Post
Oh lizzie I wish I had your optimism.

Thank you everyone for trying to make me feel better.
Been there done that and got the T Shirt on depression, so i know exactly where you're at, that hole is very dark and deep with extremely steep sides, i know what it is to feel like you're a waste of space and have no worth,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but i'm through and you can to, like i said please speak to one of the debt charities, if the debt is in your name and you're working, then your otherhalf has no need to be included in any of your negotiations
LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes
1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off
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# 13
alwaysworried
Old 21-11-2012, 7:46 PM
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If I contact the debt charities will that affect either of our credit ratings?
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# 14
lizzy23
Old 21-11-2012, 7:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alwaysworried View Post
If I contact the debt charities will that affect either of our credit ratings?
Not if you're just contacting them
LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes
1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off
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# 15
jubilee14
Old 21-11-2012, 7:54 PM
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HI aw you do sound at your wits end at the moment but i have read different people being able to broach the issue with their partner with varying success.
Ironically my DH had debt issues years ago and because of that he doesnt have credit. But i managed to rack up a fair amount until the interest rates meant that i just wasnt getting anywhere. He was understanding but i do understand those who hate debt reacting badly. But i think you need to get some good advice to relieve the pressure you are putting yourself under. Would strongly recommend speaking to STEPChange or Payplan for some independant advice. they can advise on your position with equity and whats best way forward. You dont HAVE to tell partner but they recommend it as your spending does have to change so that i would expect be noticed

Just wanted to say also that you've spent the money on you, your kids AND your husband he cant have been blind that things cost money. Please dont do anything rash it really isnt worth it. Wishing lots of luck and good thoughts to get you on track
LBM Sept 2012
started DMP 1.11.12
Debt 37012/31125 DFD about Nov 2019 ( and moving out due to hfx cc interest)
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# 16
stupid-fool
Old 21-11-2012, 8:45 PM
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Hi AW

I'm no expert - just a stupid fool who, along with my wife, has racked up nearly 70k of debt. If you split that in half, then we've managed 35k each. I know I'm in the lucky position that we both talk about our problem, but it took us getting in way deeper before the light came on.

I was referred for counselling recently for stress, mainly as a result of work, and was diagnosed as being depressed - I was so ashamed and disbelieving that I initially rejected the concept. After a number of sessions with a cognitive counsellor at my GP surgery I was much better - I also took anti-depressants for a while. I was a sceptic who actually gained a lot from the treatment.

I didn't link my debts with the medical problems, and actually remember making a conscious decision not to mention them, but looking back I should have done.

Anyway, the point of my story is that I would recommend getting some help in at least 2 ways. StepChange have been excellent for us with our debt problem but they are not the only free charity (don't pay anyone for debt assistance in any way), but I would strongly recommend that you also try to get some medical help through your doctor - trying to buy your self esteem will only result in more debt now and in future.

One final thought for you is that the feeling of control and near euphoria from putting our DMP into place and starting to solve the problem is amazing. My first payment is due on 1st December and I'm actually excited about it.

This forum has also been an absolute saviour - stick around.
LBM 25/10/12
DMP start date - 02/11/12 - 68,236 - DFD 13/12/2018
Current status - 03/12/12 - 67,393 - DFD 03/01/2019
First Payment made

Eating the elephant one bite at a time

Last edited by stupid-fool; 21-11-2012 at 8:47 PM.
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# 17
alwaysworried
Old 22-11-2012, 4:45 PM
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Many thanks everyone for your advice.

Today I contacted Step Change, they said I'm meeting all my monthly payments and to try to cut back on other things so I can make some overpayments.

I feel a bit better today have had the odd moment where I have nearly taken a panic attack.

Come June 2013 or thereabouts I should have 2 things cleared which will free up 275 per month so I feel a bit better about that.

Ive started going to ALdi for my shopping so I'm hoping that will reduce the grocery bill. my husband and oldest son are forever eating something.

Once again, many thanks everyone. I have been reading a few diaries and also reading the thread where people are trying to pay off a certain amount of their debts this year, I've also joined the challenge for next year, so that should keep me motivated.
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# 18
jubilee14
Old 22-11-2012, 4:57 PM
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hi AW glad you managed to speak to SC. YOu sound more relieved Im a recent aldi convert and its amazing how much less you spend. Partially i think because they are not overselling stuff you dont really need as well as being quite a bit cheaper. have gone from an 80/week plus shop to about 40 without compromising too much.
LBM Sept 2012
started DMP 1.11.12
Debt 37012/31125 DFD about Nov 2019 ( and moving out due to hfx cc interest)
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# 19
StressedSteph
Old 22-11-2012, 5:21 PM
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I read your post and it felt like it was me that had written it.

We are sooo similar. The fact that we have racked up this debt on our own, even though it was spent on family (not just ourselves), we have similar OH's, mine hasn't said he would leave me, but we have dug ourselves out of this before and he would be very dissappointed if he knew we were back in the same boat again, and also the amount we owe is very similar.

Maybe we could be MSE buddies .

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't feel like you are on your own. I plan to tackle this secretly without the OH realising, so sure you could do it too.

My OH isnt a big spender and does'nt ask many questions so I am hopeful that I can lessen the debt before he finds out.

I plan to make him deal with the finances once I have dealt with this mess as I am obviously not cut out to deal with money .

Will follow your thread and we should stick together
Argos 395 Barclaycard 850/ Next (1972) - 1307.63 /
Co-op cc (1852)- 1426 / / Littlewoods (2479) - 2019 / OD (3264) - 2934 /
Tesco CC (5336) - 4764 / Virgin CC (4371)-4057
Nov 2013 Total (20505) - 16495 YNAB Fanatic
April Mini Goals -Get under 16.5k
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Pay off 10k in 2014 - 40% paid

Last edited by StressedSteph; 22-11-2012 at 5:32 PM. Reason: Spelling
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# 20
alwaysworried
Old 22-11-2012, 5:31 PM
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Hi Steph

That sounds brilliant, it will be great to have someone you can share things with.
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