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Nervous Joke
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# 1
Paulos77
Old 26-08-2010, 9:51 AM
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Default Nervous Joke

Hi everyone,

I need a little help for a joke.

I'm going to be best man for a friends wedding, I have the speech all sorted but I want to add a joke at the beggining about being a little nervous making the speech. I was going to use the one "this is the 5th time Ive stood up from a warm seat today with a piece of paper in my hand" but that gets used at almost every wedding and I really want to say something different but can think of what to say.

So can anyone give me any ideas of a joke that say's "Im as nervous as" or "Im more nervous than" etc ?

thanks
wins: Miles Kane Album - Jordans Cereals Hamper - 2 Grant's Whisky Tumblers - Trackman DVD - Biscuiteer Book - Sony TV Projector - Set of Books - Batteries - Hatchet bluray - Years supply of washing up liquid, 200 box set DVD's, GOW3 Calibur Vault, Roxio creator 2012, Fringe season 3 blu-ray
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# 2
ormus
Old 26-08-2010, 10:10 AM
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im as nervous as Obama visiting Dallas?
Get some gorm.
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# 3
Greatgimp
Old 26-08-2010, 10:49 AM
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as nervous as a virgin at a prison rodeo?
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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# 4
Oblivion
Old 26-08-2010, 10:53 AM
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I was so nervous about making this speech I just couldn't get to sleep last night. So I took some sleeping pills and slept like a log ... woke up in the fireplace!
... Dave
Happily retired and enjoying my 8th year of leisure

I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

Bring me sunshine in your smile
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# 5
whu
Old 26-08-2010, 10:55 AM
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I am as nervous as a bride on her wedding night....... but I don't think that will apply to (insert brides name)
Keep the Faith
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# 6
dalek
Old 26-08-2010, 11:03 AM
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I've been up & down more times than a brides nightie!

I've been in & out more times than a groom on his honeymoon!
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# 7
Oblivion
Old 26-08-2010, 11:06 AM
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I'm dreadfully nervous about making this speech, so I'd just like to apologise in advance to all those sitting down-wind.
... Dave
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# 8
Oblivion
Old 26-08-2010, 11:10 AM
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I'm so nervous I've had to take half a bottle of Valium ... so at least I've got an excuse for falling asleep during this speech.
... Dave
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I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

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# 9
shellsuit
Old 26-08-2010, 11:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulos77 View Post
Hi everyone,

I need a little help for a joke.

I'm going to be best man for a friends wedding, I have the speech all sorted but I want to add a joke at the beggining about being a little nervous making the speech. I was going to use the one "this is the 5th time Ive stood up from a warm seat today with a piece of paper in my hand" but that gets used at almost every wedding and I really want to say something different but can think of what to say.

So can anyone give me any ideas of a joke that say's "Im as nervous as" or "Im more nervous than" etc ?

thanks
I've not heard that before, I like it!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oblivion View Post
I'm dreadfully nervous about making this speech, so I'd just like to apologise in advance to all those sitting down-wind.
Hahaha! Can you imagine that!
Smoked my last stinking fag on the 4th July 2012 @ 3pm
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# 10
Lirin
Old 26-08-2010, 11:21 AM
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My best man told everyone he was nervous, and if they wanted to help him out, a JD and coke would be appreciated....
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# 11
jules42
Old 26-08-2010, 11:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whu View Post
I am as nervous as a bride on her wedding night....... but I don't think that will apply to (insert brides name)

: rotfl:
sex, drugs and rock n roll - you know it makes sense

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# 12
Paulos77
Old 26-08-2010, 11:33 AM
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haha! thanks, There's some great ones, I like the down wind one and also the brides nighty, Im going to have a problem deciding which one to use
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# 13
Saucepot
Old 26-08-2010, 11:36 AM
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How about "I'm as nervous as I was 20 minutes before the wedding when I was pounding the bride up the wrong 'un for one last hurrah and her limo arrived early and I thought we were rumbled"
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# 14
amistupid
Old 26-08-2010, 11:37 AM
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As nervous as a slug in a salt factory.
In memory of Chris Hyde #867
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# 15
shellsuit
Old 26-08-2010, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucepot View Post
How about "I'm as nervous as I was 20 minutes before the wedding when I was pounding the bride up the wrong 'un for one last hurrah and her limo arrived early and I thought we were rumbled"
Saucy, I'm shocked! That is p!ss poor for you!!

*shakes head*

Smoked my last stinking fag on the 4th July 2012 @ 3pm
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# 16
Matt16v
Old 26-08-2010, 1:42 PM
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I'm sweating like a !!!!!phile in Mothercare? Always a favourite, not sure about at a wedding though..
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# 17
Matt16v
Old 26-08-2010, 1:44 PM
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Wait, 'I'm so nervous, i'm sweating like a !!!!!phile in Mothercare'. Yep, thats it.
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# 18
Matt16v
Old 26-08-2010, 1:45 PM
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Censored, how random!
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# 19
shellsuit
Old 26-08-2010, 1:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt16v View Post
Censored, how random!
This is jam hot...



Sorry couldn't resist when I saw your sig!! That'll be in my head all day now!
Smoked my last stinking fag on the 4th July 2012 @ 3pm
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# 20
Matt16v
Old 26-08-2010, 1:50 PM
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'this is jam hot.....Do do do do do do do...' great tune hey?
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