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  • FIRST POST
    • Paulos77
    • By Paulos77 26th Aug 10, 9:51 AM
    • 680Posts
    • 740Thanks
    Paulos77
    Nervous Joke
    • #1
    • 26th Aug 10, 9:51 AM
    Nervous Joke 26th Aug 10 at 9:51 AM
    Hi everyone,

    I need a little help for a joke.

    I'm going to be best man for a friends wedding, I have the speech all sorted but I want to add a joke at the beggining about being a little nervous making the speech. I was going to use the one "this is the 5th time Ive stood up from a warm seat today with a piece of paper in my hand" but that gets used at almost every wedding and I really want to say something different but can think of what to say.

    So can anyone give me any ideas of a joke that say's "Im as nervous as" or "Im more nervous than" etc ?

    thanks
    Comping again after a 4 year break!
Page 1
  • ormus
    • #2
    • 26th Aug 10, 10:10 AM
    • #2
    • 26th Aug 10, 10:10 AM
    im as nervous as Obama visiting Dallas?
    Get some gorm.
  • Greatgimp
    • #3
    • 26th Aug 10, 10:49 AM
    • #3
    • 26th Aug 10, 10:49 AM
    as nervous as a virgin at a prison rodeo?
    The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
    • Oblivion
    • By Oblivion 26th Aug 10, 10:53 AM
    • 18,901 Posts
    • 57,395 Thanks
    Oblivion
    • #4
    • 26th Aug 10, 10:53 AM
    • #4
    • 26th Aug 10, 10:53 AM
    I was so nervous about making this speech I just couldn't get to sleep last night. So I took some sleeping pills and slept like a log ... woke up in the fireplace!
    ... Dave
    Happily retired and enjoying my 10th year of leisure

    I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

    Bring me sunshine in your smile
    • whu
    • By whu 26th Aug 10, 10:55 AM
    • 22,725 Posts
    • 60,620 Thanks
    whu
    • #5
    • 26th Aug 10, 10:55 AM
    • #5
    • 26th Aug 10, 10:55 AM
    I am as nervous as a bride on her wedding night....... but I don't think that will apply to (insert brides name)
    Keep the Faith
  • dalek
    • #6
    • 26th Aug 10, 11:03 AM
    • #6
    • 26th Aug 10, 11:03 AM
    I've been up & down more times than a brides nightie!

    I've been in & out more times than a groom on his honeymoon!
    • Oblivion
    • By Oblivion 26th Aug 10, 11:06 AM
    • 18,901 Posts
    • 57,395 Thanks
    Oblivion
    • #7
    • 26th Aug 10, 11:06 AM
    • #7
    • 26th Aug 10, 11:06 AM
    I'm dreadfully nervous about making this speech, so I'd just like to apologise in advance to all those sitting down-wind.
    ... Dave
    Happily retired and enjoying my 10th year of leisure

    I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

    Bring me sunshine in your smile
    • Oblivion
    • By Oblivion 26th Aug 10, 11:10 AM
    • 18,901 Posts
    • 57,395 Thanks
    Oblivion
    • #8
    • 26th Aug 10, 11:10 AM
    • #8
    • 26th Aug 10, 11:10 AM
    I'm so nervous I've had to take half a bottle of Valium ... so at least I've got an excuse for falling asleep during this speech.
    ... Dave
    Happily retired and enjoying my 10th year of leisure

    I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

    Bring me sunshine in your smile
    • shellsuit
    • By shellsuit 26th Aug 10, 11:10 AM
    • 23,007 Posts
    • 41,911 Thanks
    shellsuit
    • #9
    • 26th Aug 10, 11:10 AM
    • #9
    • 26th Aug 10, 11:10 AM
    Hi everyone,

    I need a little help for a joke.

    I'm going to be best man for a friends wedding, I have the speech all sorted but I want to add a joke at the beggining about being a little nervous making the speech. I was going to use the one "this is the 5th time Ive stood up from a warm seat today with a piece of paper in my hand" but that gets used at almost every wedding and I really want to say something different but can think of what to say.

    So can anyone give me any ideas of a joke that say's "Im as nervous as" or "Im more nervous than" etc ?

    thanks
    Originally posted by Paulos77
    I've not heard that before, I like it!!

    I'm dreadfully nervous about making this speech, so I'd just like to apologise in advance to all those sitting down-wind.
    Originally posted by Oblivion
    Hahaha! Can you imagine that!
    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
    • Lirin
    • By Lirin 26th Aug 10, 11:21 AM
    • 2,504 Posts
    • 7,055 Thanks
    Lirin
    My best man told everyone he was nervous, and if they wanted to help him out, a JD and coke would be appreciated....
  • jules42
    I am as nervous as a bride on her wedding night....... but I don't think that will apply to (insert brides name)
    Originally posted by whu

    : rotfl:
    sex, drugs and rock n roll - you know it makes sense

    "Magic people, voodoo people. The voodoo who do what you don't dare do people." Prodigy
    • Paulos77
    • By Paulos77 26th Aug 10, 11:33 AM
    • 680 Posts
    • 740 Thanks
    Paulos77


    haha! thanks, There's some great ones, I like the down wind one and also the brides nighty, Im going to have a problem deciding which one to use
    Comping again after a 4 year break!
  • Saucepot
    How about "I'm as nervous as I was 20 minutes before the wedding when I was pounding the bride up the wrong 'un for one last hurrah and her limo arrived early and I thought we were rumbled"
    • amistupid
    • By amistupid 26th Aug 10, 11:37 AM
    • 51,839 Posts
    • 163,854 Thanks
    amistupid
    As nervous as a slug in a salt factory.
    In memory of Chris Hyde #867
    • shellsuit
    • By shellsuit 26th Aug 10, 11:43 AM
    • 23,007 Posts
    • 41,911 Thanks
    shellsuit
    How about "I'm as nervous as I was 20 minutes before the wedding when I was pounding the bride up the wrong 'un for one last hurrah and her limo arrived early and I thought we were rumbled"
    Originally posted by Saucepot
    Saucy, I'm shocked! That is p!ss poor for you!!

    *shakes head*

    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
  • Matt16v
    I'm sweating like a !!!!!phile in Mothercare? Always a favourite, not sure about at a wedding though..
  • Matt16v
    Wait, 'I'm so nervous, i'm sweating like a !!!!!phile in Mothercare'. Yep, thats it.
  • Matt16v
    Censored, how random!
    • shellsuit
    • By shellsuit 26th Aug 10, 1:46 PM
    • 23,007 Posts
    • 41,911 Thanks
    shellsuit
    Censored, how random!
    Originally posted by Matt16v
    This is jam hot...



    Sorry couldn't resist when I saw your sig!! That'll be in my head all day now!
    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
  • Matt16v
    'this is jam hot.....Do do do do do do do...' great tune hey?
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