Chaos no more

parsniphead · 20 October 2014 at 10:52AM

A rubbish title but I couldn't beat this one.....

An "old style" dog.

It brought a much needed smile to my face this morning.

I've never started a thread on Old Style before so feeling a little nervous. I have mainly lurked but joined in with a few of the topics/challenges over the years though and have learnt so much and have been really inspired.

I have also spent many years on the Debt Free Wannabe thread mainly due to silly mistakes and complete disorganisation. My debt free journey has been a very long and all encompassing one but should be done and dusted by March next year. Between the two forums I have survived but as the journey was so full on I didn't notice what was happening to me. The past year or so I have become very down. An absolute feeling of darkness and feel like every step I take is through thick mud. With a few health issues cropping up and the generally feeling of exhaustion I have let EVERYTHING slip.

This is where I need some advice really. I have made a decision I need to get back on track, but in a sensible way. I have a tendency to throw myself head first into something then running out of steam very quickly. My house is a mess, I tend to hoard but have been working through this with the help of the lovely folks on Hoarding-springing Ahead), food has become an absolute bore to me where I would happily take a substitute to not bother and the garden where I have always grown veg is, well a disgrace really.

I just don't know where to start. I only work three days/term time so I realise I'm luckier that a lot of folks but can't seem to find the organised part of the brain.

I have a list of jobs which need to be done as long as my arm, probably longer actually and a desperate need to save some money to pay off the last of the debt so I can get some savings behind me.

Any ideas. I'm at a loss where to start.

Ali x

craigywv · 20 October 2014 at 11:07AM

well done on coming "out" its a hassle isn't it all this stuff that needs to be done ,,,,,,big breath and go get a cup of tea and relax, I was the same my head was near away with oh being made redundant last year I went into a black depression but came on here and you all helped me ............jog forward to now and oh working and alls rosy. do small things everyday,take 1 room and take your time totally gutting it out to its the way you want it don't worry about decorating it just empty it out meanwhile still do your basics you do everyday.when you have totally gutted one room move onto say a cupboard that's been bugging you ,same again totally gut it out whilst still doing your basics everyday, slowly but surely you will have all your house done could take months so what at least its getting done. we did this I ebayed a lot of stuff ended up bored ebaying and took it all to charity shop. to be honest I cant even remember most of what went! I even left oh to empty and be ruthless big cupboard under the stairs and ruthless he was I came home to an empty space and 3 runs been done to the dump! food wise eat what you enjoy not every dinner has to be nutritios and cook book fancy I also learnt that too, sometimes they just want scrambled eggs instead of cordon bleu! be easy on yourself too your only human and keep the thread going I would like to know how you get on take care xxx

flossyann · 20 October 2014 at 11:54AM

hi ali,

well done for being brave and starting a new thread.

i imagine we have all felt the way you are feeling at some point, i know i certainly have

my best advice is to be easy on yourself, give yourself very small manageable bits to do, all these little things will start joining up and you will get back on top of things. it will take time, but time will pass anyway and a couple of little things every day and eventually you will start to see things better.

i used to write huge lists which i would never be able to do and then i just felt worse and a total failure. my best lists now are my 'delegation lists' which are a list of my jobs to do and a note of who else could do the job for me, like hubby, daughter, neighbour, friend, work colleague. this is hard as i am a bit of a control freak and i would just do everything if i could, but i realise now i cant so a little help from someone goes a long way.

we're all here for you too with lots of encouragement :hello:

savingqueen · 20 October 2014 at 11:57AM

Hello parsniphead

, congrats on your first independent thread!

First in all this comes you and your health. I battle depression on and off and sounds like you might be depressed. This is not medical advice of course but a trip to the docs might be a good idea. There might be other reasons for exhaustion that your GP could help diagnose . I just remembered you mentioned health problems so apologies if I am stating the obvious. Whatever the reason, please look after yourself first, house always comes second. Gentle walks in the fresh air, soaks in the bath or similar to unwind, decent food and sleep.

Secondly congratulations for tackling your debt, you have done fantastically and are nearly there. If you have focused on clearing debt, you will have had far less time for other things so bear that in mind. There are only so many plates we can spin at a time!

My tactics for coping are to make sensible, achievable to do lists every day. Tackle your absolute priorities first - so enough food, clean dishes and clean laundry available. Things like bills paid and prescriptions ordered.

Then pick either an area of the house say the kitchen (or a corner of) OR a task like tidying OR cleaning loos and sinks OR changing bedding. If you complete the absolute priorities and the extra task then have a sit down first even if you have energy to do more.

If you keep on top of the basics daily and do one (or more) extra tasks, you will gradually get on top of things. Accept it will take a while but that every day you are getting closer and closer to your goal. And lastly some mess is normal unless you are selling your home!

SQ X

sushistar · 20 October 2014 at 12:11PM

Hiya, and well done for making the decision to get things sorted out. That's the first step. My life is a constant battle against chaos too - at the moment I'm mostly winning and feeling on top of things, but it's not always like that!

I find NOTEBOOKS are my friend. I use slim paperback a5 notebooks (excercise books) that easily fit in my handbag - they are cheap to get in any supermarket, pound shop etc. (Not WH Smiths though - £££!)

I have a system, and as long as I STICK to my system, I'm ok. I have an a5 week-to-view diary, where I write everything 'fixed'. I even write obvious things that don't change (like the days I work, rubbish collections, and kids' school cliubs). This gives me an overview of my week.

Then I have my notebook. I have a page every day. I write all my to-dos, notes on any phone calls (eg to bank etc), anything that occurs to me. But the key thing is... I DON'T HAVE TO DO ALL OF IT THAT DAY. I just do what I can, crossing it off as I go. Then, and the end of the month, I CONSOLIDATE ALL THE 'undone' ITEMS INTO A MONTHLY LIST in my notebook. This really has helped me feel in control. I'm not explaining it very well, but it's a version of 'bullet journalling':
http://bulletjournal.com/

If there is anything that HAS to be done one a certain day, it goes in my diary. Anything else goes in the notebook. I carry both of them all the time, and they function like an external 'brain'.

I'm not saying this exact system will work for you, but I think some kind of system for keeping track of everything can really help avoid the feeling of being overwhelmed.

parsniphead · 20 October 2014 at 1:33PM

Firstly thank you all for your lovely replies. I think this is one of the nicest things about this forum and a few kind words make such a difference.

craigywv wrote: »

well done on coming "out" its a hassle isn't it all this stuff that needs to be done ,,,,,,big breath and go get a cup of tea and relax, I was the same my head was near away with oh being made redundant last year I went into a black depression but came on here and you all helped me ............jog forward to now and oh working and alls rosy. do small things everyday,take 1 room and take your time totally gutting it out to its the way you want it don't worry about decorating it just empty it out meanwhile still do your basics you do everyday.when you have totally gutted one room move onto say a cupboard that's been bugging you ,same again totally gut it out whilst still doing your basics everyday, slowly but surely you will have all your house done could take months so what at least its getting done. we did this I ebayed a lot of stuff ended up bored ebaying and took it all to charity shop. to be honest I cant even remember most of what went! I even left oh to empty and be ruthless big cupboard under the stairs and ruthless he was I came home to an empty space and 3 runs been done to the dump! food wise eat what you enjoy not every dinner has to be nutritios and cook book fancy I also learnt that too, sometimes they just want scrambled eggs instead of cordon bleu! be easy on yourself too your only human and keep the thread going I would like to know how you get on take care xxx

Thank you craigywv
I'm glad to hear that you are getting back to normal after the redundancy last year. It's such a scary position to be in. The only time I saw my dad cry was when I was 12 and he was first made redundant in the 80's.

I think I need to learn to stick to what I'm doing. I will start a room then wander to another thing and another thing. This is probably the biggest reason I never seem much change. Perhaps some room gutting during half term.

flossyann wrote: »

hi ali,

well done for being brave and starting a new thread.

i imagine we have all felt the way you are feeling at some point, i know i certainly have

my best advice is to be easy on yourself, give yourself very small manageable bits to do, all these little things will start joining up and you will get back on top of things. it will take time, but time will pass anyway and a couple of little things every day and eventually you will start to see things better.

i used to write huge lists which i would never be able to do and then i just felt worse and a total failure. my best lists now are my 'delegation lists' which are a list of my jobs to do and a note of who else could do the job for me, like hubby, daughter, neighbour, friend, work colleague. this is hard as i am a bit of a control freak and i would just do everything if i could, but i realise now i cant so a little help from someone goes a long way.

we're all here for you too with lots of encouragement :hello:

Thank you flossyann

I think these days it's difficult to go easy on yourself. Perhaps it's something a lot of us need to learn.

Lists, I'm good at list. Perhaps too good at making huge, massive lists which are impossible to achieve.

sushistar wrote: »

Hiya, and well done for making the decision to get things sorted out. That's the first step. My life is a constant battle against chaos too - at the moment I'm mostly winning and feeling on top of things, but it's not always like that!

I find NOTEBOOKS are my friend. I use slim paperback a5 notebooks (excercise books) that easily fit in my handbag - they are cheap to get in any supermarket, pound shop etc. (Not WH Smiths though - £££!)

I have a system, and as long as I STICK to my system, I'm ok. I have an a5 week-to-view diary, where I write everything 'fixed'. I even write obvious things that don't change (like the days I work, rubbish collections, and kids' school cliubs). This gives me an overview of my week.

Then I have my notebook. I have a page every day. I write all my to-dos, notes on any phone calls (eg to bank etc), anything that occurs to me. But the key thing is... I DON'T HAVE TO DO ALL OF IT THAT DAY. I just do what I can, crossing it off as I go. Then, and the end of the month, I CONSOLIDATE ALL THE 'undone' ITEMS INTO A MONTHLY LIST in my notebook. This really has helped me feel in control. I'm not explaining it very well, but it's a version of 'bullet journalling':
http://bulletjournal.com/

If there is anything that HAS to be done one a certain day, it goes in my diary. Anything else goes in the notebook. I carry both of them all the time, and they function like an external 'brain'.

I'm not saying this exact system will work for you, but I think some kind of system for keeping track of everything can really help avoid the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Thank you sushistar

As I said above I have issues with the list thing, but perhaps a notebook system may work. It would be good to see things crossed off and hopefully help to motivate a little. Plus I love pretty notebooks.

Going to have a look at bulletjournal as I'm intrigued.

parsniphead · 20 October 2014 at 1:38PM

savingqueen wrote: »

Hello parsniphead , congrats on your first independent thread!

First in all this comes you and your health. I battle depression on and off and sounds like you might be depressed. This is not medical advice of course but a trip to the docs might be a good idea. There might be other reasons for exhaustion that your GP could help diagnose . I just remembered you mentioned health problems so apologies if I am stating the obvious. Whatever the reason, please look after yourself first, house always comes second. Gentle walks in the fresh air, soaks in the bath or similar to unwind, decent food and sleep.

Secondly congratulations for tackling your debt, you have done fantastically and are nearly there. If you have focused on clearing debt, you will have had far less time for other things so bear that in mind. There are only so many plates we can spin at a time!

My tactics for coping are to make sensible, achievable to do lists every day. Tackle your absolute priorities first - so enough food, clean dishes and clean laundry available. Things like bills paid and prescriptions ordered.

Then pick either an area of the house say the kitchen (or a corner of) OR a task like tidying OR cleaning loos and sinks OR changing bedding. If you complete the absolute priorities and the extra task then have a sit down first even if you have energy to do more.

If you keep on top of the basics daily and do one (or more) extra tasks, you will gradually get on top of things. Accept it will take a while but that every day you are getting closer and closer to your goal. And lastly some mess is normal unless you are selling your home!

SQ X

Thank you savingqueen

My DH said he thinks I may be depressed. I have always been a toughie who takes everything on her shoulders and I find anything else difficult to accept but perhaps I'm not as tough as I imagine.

I think definately a bit by bit approach is needed. I think it's time to begin to calm down a little and accept what I'm able to do.

I don't want a palace, not that it's possible with a three year old. Just a comfy, tidiyish home with hopefully a productive moneysaving garden next year.

Thank you all, your all fab.

LameWolf · 20 October 2014 at 1:53PM

Hi Parsniphead; firstly very well done tackling the debt side of things.:T

Now - how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!:o You're seeing the entire elephant, and it's a tad overwhelming.

Start with one area. Just a little one; say your dining table (if you have one). Clear it, ditch what's not needed, and put what is needed away. Now do another area - doesn't matter what, but just a small bit. Keep doing that, clearing and tidying "dots" of area, and soon you'll be able to "join the dots" and before you know it you'll have a tidy room.

This isn't my idea, it was invented by someone who used to post on the Flylady thread, ages ago - but trust me, it works.:o

Btw, for encouragement and friendship, you'd be very welcome on the weekly Flylady thread - it's not compulsory to follow the lists as posted (I don't, I use my own, tailored to my particular circumstances).
See you there, perhaps?:o

Oh, and fwiw, I've battled with depression for over four decades, and that was the word that came to my mind on reading your post. Please do consider visiting your GP.;)

[Deleted User] · 20 October 2014 at 2:36PM

Hi PARSNIPHEAD well done on taking the first step towards solving your problem and starting your thread. As everyone else has said it's better and more likely to become part of your daily routine if you don't try to tackle everything at once. I find that changing one thing at a time and only one thing and then getting used to doing that one thing every day until it becomes second nature is the best way to start re-organising things. When you find yourself on automatic doing a certain job then's the time to tackle the next one until it becomes so much part of the daily chores that you don't think about it, just do it.

I used to worry mightily about how the home looked and how visitors would feel looking at our well worn and well used and mostly pre owned things until the day someone who has a showplace type home said 'I love coming to visit you, yours is a real home, it's cosy and comfy and I can always relax here' and that made me think!!! so now, i have come to realise that it's not necessary to be mega smart, mega tidy and up to date. I housework every day in that I dust, tidy and vacuum but I don't have to make it pristine, we live here, we work here, we do things not just sit and look at the tidiness and plump up cushions. Most visitors comment on how nice it smells as I'm usually cooking something and love to just sit and natter and have a cuppa as they don't have to ask if it is OK to put the cup on the table. They come to see us, not the house and if comment is made it's usually I wish my house was as warm and family feeling as yours'. Don't feel like you need to be smart enough to go in a magazine, that's not real, your home is just that 'yours' and you can do what you like with it. Make it how you like it to be and enjoy it with your family, Lyn xxx.

moments_of_sanity · 20 October 2014 at 2:59PM

Hi Parsniphead, I too have suffered from depression for the last 10 years so can understand where you are coming from.

I have health conditions which mean I can't do very much or for very long periods but I do try and do 1 extra thing each day. I pretty much have to put the Hoover around the living room every day (hairy dogs and cats) and once I have done this, and it can be done any time of the day, I try to add an item that needs doing so today I have washed the dogs bedding and I also had enough left over in the tin to hoover the stairs. That is my lot for the day and my only other job today will be cooking the dinner and a quick swish round the kitchen once dinner has been eaten. However, on a bad day I don't even Hoover round.

Visitors are more than welcome but as my DH Dad used to say 'you are more than welcome to visit me any time but if you don't like what you find when you get here, you know where the door is'.

Small steps and don't feel pressured into getting it all done in once day! My DD, aged 17 quite often says to me 'Mum, I think the dust bunnies have killed the cleaning fairy' it's only dust and as long as you don't write the date in it, i don't mind :rotfl:

parsniphead · 20 October 2014 at 3:41PM

LameWolf wrote: »

Hi Parsniphead; firstly very well done tackling the debt side of things.:T

Now - how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!:o You're seeing the entire elephant, and it's a tad overwhelming.

Start with one area. Just a little one; say your dining table (if you have one). Clear it, ditch what's not needed, and put what is needed away. Now do another area - doesn't matter what, but just a small bit. Keep doing that, clearing and tidying "dots" of area, and soon you'll be able to "join the dots" and before you know it you'll have a tidy room.

This isn't my idea, it was invented by someone who used to post on the Flylady thread, ages ago - but trust me, it works.:o

Btw, for encouragement and friendship, you'd be very welcome on the weekly Flylady thread - it's not compulsory to follow the lists as posted (I don't, I use my own, tailored to my particular circumstances).
See you there, perhaps?:o

Oh, and fwiw, I've battled with depression for over four decades, and that was the word that came to my mind on reading your post. Please do consider visiting your GP.;)

Thank you LameWolf

I think once I get to this point I loose all common sense.

I do head over to fly lady every now and again, recently a few weeks ago but I tend to get despondent once I get back to work. Perhaps once things are a little more sorted it will seem a little less scary.

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

Hi PARSNIPHEAD well done on taking the first step towards solving your problem and starting your thread. As everyone else has said it's better and more likely to become part of your daily routine if you don't try to tackle everything at once. I find that changing one thing at a time and only one thing and then getting used to doing that one thing every day until it becomes second nature is the best way to start re-organising things. When you find yourself on automatic doing a certain job then's the time to tackle the next one until it becomes so much part of the daily chores that you don't think about it, just do it.

I used to worry mightily about how the home looked and how visitors would feel looking at our well worn and well used and mostly pre owned things until the day someone who has a showplace type home said 'I love coming to visit you, yours is a real home, it's cosy and comfy and I can always relax here' and that made me think!!! so now, i have come to realise that it's not necessary to be mega smart, mega tidy and up to date. I housework every day in that I dust, tidy and vacuum but I don't have to make it pristine, we live here, we work here, we do things not just sit and look at the tidiness and plump up cushions. Most visitors comment on how nice it smells as I'm usually cooking something and love to just sit and natter and have a cuppa as they don't have to ask if it is OK to put the cup on the table. They come to see us, not the house and if comment is made it's usually I wish my house was as warm and family feeling as yours'. Don't feel like you need to be smart enough to go in a magazine, that's not real, your home is just that 'yours' and you can do what you like with it. Make it how you like it to be and enjoy it with your family, Lyn xxx.

Thank you MrsLurcherWalker

A cosy home is what I'm looking for. I'm not a palace or arg0s page type of girl. The trouble is confusion and disorganisation is stopping it at the moment. This will change though.

Most of my furniture is second hand and I love it. I have two full 30's bedroom sets left by the old lady who lived here previously. I had known her for year and feel honoured to have them. They were left here when I brought the house.

moments_of_sanity wrote: »

Hi Parsniphead, I too have suffered from depression for the last 10 years so can understand where you are coming from.

I have health conditions which mean I can't do very much or for very long periods but I do try and do 1 extra thing each day. I pretty much have to put the Hoover around the living room every day (hairy dogs and cats) and once I have done this, and it can be done any time of the day, I try to add an item that needs doing so today I have washed the dogs bedding and I also had enough left over in the tin to hoover the stairs. That is my lot for the day and my only other job today will be cooking the dinner and a quick swish round the kitchen once dinner has been eaten. However, on a bad day I don't even Hoover round.

Visitors are more than welcome but as my DH Dad used to say 'you are more than welcome to visit me any time but if you don't like what you find when you get here, you know where the door is'.

Small steps and don't feel pressured into getting it all done in once day! My DD, aged 17 quite often says to me 'Mum, I think the dust bunnies have killed the cleaning fairy' it's only dust and as long as you don't write the date in it, i don't mind :rotfl:

Thanks moments of sanity.

I always think 'a whole moment' when I see your name.

Mum always says " if they don't like it they know where the door is". A popular phrase I think.

It's getting back into the routine that I used to have. I just get annoyed that iI seem to have lost it along the way. Perhaps it's under a pile of stuff.;)

I have had a good day today since initially posting. I decided to sort the front room which is multi use. I have cleared the floor. I have a floor :j:j:j, tidied the toys into a more sensible order and are currently working through a pile of clutter on the table. Once this is done I can do some sewing which is something for myself which is what I need. I think it easy for family life to take over and to stop thinking of yourself.

Thanks for all the support. You're all fab.:T

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Chaos no more

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