Broken pact (pre-Christmas no unnecessary present pact)

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JenAmethyst
JenAmethyst Posts: 2 Newbie
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in Special occasions & other celebrations
Has anyone had their pre-nupp pact broken? You agreed no gifting this year but the other person still got you something. Doesn't that make you feel like the worst person ever? Do you cave and go out and buy them something or do you stand your ground?

Broken pre-nupp - do you buy a belated gift? 31 votes

Buy
3% 1 vote
Don't buy
96% 30 votes
«1

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  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698 Forumite
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    Stand your ground, else it'll escalate again as next year they "buy you something better as this year was just a token gift due to the 'no gift' rule and as you bought them a (better) gift they now feel guilty"

    You have to stand your ground, else nothing is learned from the agreement and you'll end up run ragged in a few years.

    Say something: mean it. Stick to it. That's how "life" works when you need to set/keep to rules.
  • pinkfluffybabe
    pinkfluffybabe Posts: 2,986 Forumite
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    I think that was pretty poor of the other person.

    A pact is a pact. Stand your ground!
    Not buying unnecessary toiletries 2024 14/53 UU, 11 IN
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,151 Forumite
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    I've had this happen to me and I agree with the stick to it, otherwise you'll end up back to buying. Only possibility I can come up with has there been some confusion because one or both of you continued to buy birthday presents?

    What happened to me is some years ago Sis-i-law and then husband announced they weren't buying Christmas presents anymore except for children and their Mums (no idea why since they both had Dads too, married to the Mums but hey ho). I had no objection to what was said; the tone in which it was said in was another matter. :silenced: but not a word was said about birthdays, which we also bought for.Sis and Bil have birthdays earlier in the year than me and DH who are both Autumn born.So we gave and received birthday presents that year and then at Christmas to our surprise we were given xmas presents. Of course we hadn't bought any back so on saying 'Thank you but.......' we got told 'Well, I did say that, but you haven't stuck to it' Only we had, we had continued to buy birthday presents because nothing had been said otherwise.

    The following year sis-i-l split up for her husband and though I said we'd not buy as per previous request, DH insisted we did due to her not receiving much otherwise.

    So here we are, several years on, still buying including the new husband and our now grown up Niece who earns more than I do and doesn't buy anything for us herself.

    When my own sister a few years back told me to buy for kids only, I clarified she meant on birthdays too!
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,689 Forumite
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    From another thread:
    wunferall wrote: »
    My far-better half and I decided that - having had such a heavy-spending year for various reasons - we would not buy for each other. Stocking-fillers only, we said. Well I hope she's got some very stretchy stockings because I spent almost my entire bonus on her BUT everything will fit in a stocking. Just not all at once. :o
    Otherwise many of the suggestions here seem to fit our spending at say up to £50 a pop for close family, which we've not much of and say £10 to £20 for friends.
    Pollycat wrote: »
    If me & my OH had agreed that and he'd broken that agreement by spending his bonus, I'd be absolutely furious with him.

    Someone I know did exactly what you've done & it ruined Christmas for both of them.
    His partner refused to speak to him.
    I did warn him that she wouldn't be happy.

    I would not be pleased if we had an agreement not to buy gifts and that agreement was broken.
    Spendless wrote: »
    I've had this happen to me and I agree with the stick to it, otherwise you'll end up back to buying. Only possibility I can come up with has there been some confusion because one or both of you continued to buy birthday presents?

    What happened to me is some years ago Sis-i-law and then husband announced they weren't buying Christmas presents anymore except for children and their Mums (no idea why since they both had Dads too, married to the Mums but hey ho). I had no objection to what was said; the tone in which it was said in was another matter. :silenced: but not a word was said about birthdays, which we also bought for.Sis and Bil have birthdays earlier in the year than me and DH who are both Autumn born.So we gave and received birthday presents that year and then at Christmas to our surprise we were given xmas presents. Of course we hadn't bought any back so on saying 'Thank you but.......' we got told 'Well, I did say that, but you haven't stuck to it' Only we had, we had continued to buy birthday presents because nothing had been said otherwise.

    The following year sis-i-l split up for her husband and though I said we'd not buy as per previous request, DH insisted we did due to her not receiving much otherwise.

    So here we are, several years on, still buying including the new husband and our now grown up Niece who earns more than I do and doesn't buy anything for us herself.

    When my own sister a few years back told me to buy for kids only, I clarified she meant on birthdays too!
    As for this ^^^^ , I'd simply announce that you had decided not to buy birthday or Christmas presents.
    Be proactive if the arrangement doesn't suit you (and it sounds like it doesn't).

    PS - a bit confused by the 'pre-nupp' reference.
    Doesn't pre-nup relate to marriage?
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
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    This really gets on my nerves, when people do this, receiving a gift in these circumstances doesn't bring pleasure, it makes you feel bad - if people have agreed, they should stick to it, rather than insisting on buying tat
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,923 Forumite
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    Doesn't bother me. Me and my friend agreed not to buy. She did and gave me it and said she saw it and just bought it.

    I loved it, didn't feel bad I didn't get her anything.

    She didn't do it to upset me I know that.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,151 Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    As for this ^^^^ , I'd simply announce that you had decided not to buy birthday or Christmas presents.
    Be proactive if the arrangement doesn't suit you (and it sounds like it doesn't).
    Too late. It wasn't me who made the initial announcement, so because birthdays which we also bought for hadn't been mentioned, we continued to buy (she'd said they weren't buying at Christmastime, not they weren't buying any presents). Then DH wanted to buy as she was a single parent (I can understand his viewpoint) and when he has since, now she's in different circs, said 'don't bother' we get 'don't you like to receive a present from me?'

    As it happens, I'll go along with it for now and ask to review the situation when my youngest becomes an adult.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,689 Forumite
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    Spendless wrote: »
    Too late. It wasn't me who made the initial announcement, so because birthdays which we also bought for hadn't been mentioned, we continued to buy (she'd said they weren't buying at Christmastime, not they weren't buying any presents). Then DH wanted to buy as she was a single parent (I can understand his viewpoint) and when he has since, now she's in different circs, said 'don't bother' we get 'don't you like to receive a present from me?'

    As it happens, I'll go along with it for now and ask to review the situation when my youngest becomes an adult.

    I meant for next Christmas, not the one just gone & for future birthdays.
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,151 Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    I meant for next Christmas, not the one just gone & for future birthdays.
    Like I said, my husband has tried in the past and got 'Don't you like to receive a present from me then?' Plus at the point it was previously said, we both had schoolage children, now just I do. I think to stop it now would mean my kids don't receive anything from their Aunt, despite us buying for our Neice until well into her 20s, which is why I'd rather review once my youngest is an adult.
  • Aced2016
    Aced2016 Posts: 293 Forumite
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    No don't buy ! My husband done this this year. We agreed a small budget of no more than £50 on each other. As we have 4 children, saving for a bigger house etc. Low and behold he had to go way over this and put money in with my gifts.

    It made me feel bad and I considered buying him stuff this week. But I've decided not to, we had a sensible plan and I stuck with it! So I'm not going to feel bad, I'm going to go out and FrIday and treat myself with the money.
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