How to get your spouse on board ?

MeenaM · 15 December 2017 at 11:11AM

Hi all

I really need some advice about how to get my spouse on board with controlling spending, I have always been the one who deals with "the finances" although we have a joint account and each have our own separate bank accounts. he has total control over his bank account and the joint account pays the mortgage and the main bills and we both have a standing order into that account,

His attitude to money is different to mine, i am on a quest now to pay off all my credit card debts including a debt of £4000 which was his over draft that i have put on a money transfer credit card in my name. He has two large credit cards that he is paying the min on .

I am being as frugal as possible with my money and sticking to the budget however his attitude when i ask for what he has spent is that i am nagging him and being no fun etc etc , its hard work for me but he wont keep his own budget up to date so i have to do it , i feel like i am not getting as much support as he can give although this is progress we never discussed money before or kept a budget , i am worried he will run up and over draft again ,any tips or ideas for getting him more involved would be good ,thanks

National_Debtline · 15 December 2017 at 11:50AM

Hi MeenaM,

It is always a difficult situation when one person is trying to budget carefully and the other person is not completely committed to the idea. You could try and go through the budget with him, so that he feels more involved and discuss what you can do once the debts are cleared - i.e. a nice holiday, work to the house, a new car etc. Perhaps a shared goal would help him feel more positive about the process.

But at the same time he must manage his own budget. Talk about what you plan to do together and why it is important and write it down and hope he sticks to it. Make sure that you talk about it again in the near future (don't let it be a taboo subject) but try not to micro-manage him; that sort of thing is unlikely to help them feel positive about what you are trying to do. Good luck,

Laura
@natdebtline

MeenaM · 15 December 2017 at 12:52PM

thanks Laura , I will certainly try that.

DD265 · 15 December 2017 at 4:44PM

I'd be tempted to have his salary paid into the joint account, and then your credit card (for his debt) and his credit card are paid from that account as well as the bills. Then he gets an 'allowance' into his personal account of whatever that he can spend guilt free and doesn't have to budget; if it runs out, it runs out.

I'll confess that I don't know why OH lets me do our joint budget as he's better at not-spending than I am, but I guess I'm more interested in it. Sometimes I think that I ought to take the approach of an 'allowance' myself.

MeenaM · 15 December 2017 at 5:36PM

thanks DD that would be a good way of doing things , i will see how he feels about that , I would prefer it that way for sure

Sarastro · 15 December 2017 at 7:35PM

It sounds like he's not on the same page when it comes to money - but what are the important things to him? Maybe you can make the connection between being debt free and freedom to do the things that he wants. Is there anything he wants that he can't afford? Tell him, he could if he pays off his debts and saves up for it. Holidays, anything.

How to get your spouse on board ?

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