Telling people how much you owe

jennyterrier · 13 March 2017 at 11:45AM

So after a couple of horrid weeks we have come to the realisation that our lifestyle needs to change immediately I am happy for friends and family to know that we are cutting back, or even that we have some debt to clear, however I am not how open we should be

Do you tell people how much you owe? Will people ask? Not really sure how to play this..

January2015 · 13 March 2017 at 12:22PM

jennyterrier wrote: »

So after a couple of horrid weeks we have come to the realisation that our lifestyle needs to change immediately I am happy for friends and family to know that we are cutting back, or even that we have some debt to clear, however I am not how open we should be

Do you tell people how much you owe? Will people ask? Not really sure how to play this..

We don't tell people, but if we have to excuse ourselves from any events (holidays, days out, meals, etc) we just say we are cutting back as we are building up our retirement savings.

The only person we've told is my mum. It was just nice to be able to chat to someone about it in real life sometimes.

Money_Rollercoaster · 13 March 2017 at 12:25PM

Well, the actual debt total is pretty much irrelevant to anyone but you (and the people you owe it to). People might ask, but it's entirely up to you whether you feel comfortable sharing the exact details.

My brother has an IVA ... we have discussed it in the past, but I don't remember him telling me, or me asking him, the total amount it covered. I've got friends and colleagues who have perpetual CC balances, multiple CCs and historic debts ... again, I'm pretty sure the actual totals haven't been discussed.

I reckon you've over-thinking it ...

Just crack on with your plan and don't worry about what others might think.

sourcrates · 13 March 2017 at 12:35PM

We British are very "stiff upper lip" when it comes to money, credit and debt.
It never gets talked about, its like the secret love child of your father you are told never to mention.

The most "in depth" conversation i can recall with anyone over money went along the lines of "are you ok for money ?" i think i replied "i think so", oh good was the response, and that was as far as it ever went.

I have never sat down in a pub and discussed my finances with any one, we just dont do it in this country !!!

enthusiasticsaver · 13 March 2017 at 1:34PM

I think we are just cutting back or need to be more careful with money is enough.

Maybe with closer family or friends you might mention you have some debts to clear. Personally I wouldn't give details of amounts but I would bet an open discussion on the average unsecured debt might throw up some surprises. Everyone has their acceptable level.

worriedDan · 13 March 2017 at 2:24PM

I have told my dad, sister and friend the rough amount that we owe. I only did this as I was stressed and needed someone to talk to. I wouldn't share details with everyone though. I also would never ask anyone how much they owed. I don't think that people are even that interested to be honest.

comeandgo · 13 March 2017 at 2:38PM

If I find out a friend is seriously in debt i would ask is it a lot, can I help, but I would not expect to be told the absolute amount. Just a yes, it's a lot, or no, it's nothing we can't handle. You can tell nobody or everybody, it's your choice. If you would rather it was kept between you and your husband make sure your husband knows this and does not blab off to his friends and parents.

DesignNotDefault · 13 March 2017 at 3:11PM

Personally I think there is no should in relation to divulging personal finances, apart to those who are directly affected/concerned. My motto is that unless you're paying my bills, it is none of your business. Outside of this circle, I think that revealing one's financial situation is relative and an individual preference. People may ask about your financial situation, but you can always reply with 'neutral' comments e.g. that you're streamlining, 'cutting back', financial planning, however you want to word it.

For instance; I have recently been told that a family member of mine is getting married abroad in the not too distant future. I am invited, which is lovely, but I have declined. I simply stated, without giving detail, that I won't be able to stretch to it financially. I didn't feel the need to justify my decision with going into the nitty-gritty.

If asked, I wouldn't be offended nor dubious about sharing details with certain family members/one or two friends about my debt, but there are certain people I would be more reserved with. A colleague I used to work with (who was very open with everyone about everything, and thought everyone else should be too), asked me how much I had in the bank; I nearly knocked him out for being so rude. Just my opinion, but I tend to relay this type of information on a need to know basis; anyone who asks who doesn't need to know is just being nosy!! Yup I'm very British like that :rotfl:

iolanthe07 · 13 March 2017 at 3:57PM

We British are very "stiff upper lip" when it comes to money, credit and debt.

Sourcrates is right. When I moved to the US in the nineties I was gobsmaked that almost the first question people asked at a social gathering was "What do you make?" (meaning, "How much do you earn?") The British response would be "Mind your own .....!! business." I think we need to be more open, though. Why do we seem to be reluctant to tell friends and family when we can't really afford something? It is nothing to be ashamed of.

NoMore · 13 March 2017 at 4:41PM

DesignNotDefault wrote: »

Personally I think there is no should in relation to divulging personal finances, apart to those who are directly affected/concerned. My motto is that unless you're paying my bills, it is none of your business.

Your footer in your messages here seem to disagree with you.

I get what you mean tho, revealing information in a footer to strangers who don't know who you are is different to revealing such information to your friends and family.

enthusiasticsaver · 13 March 2017 at 5:46PM

DesignNotDefault wrote: »

If asked, I wouldn't be offended nor dubious about sharing details with certain family members/one or two friends about my debt, but there are certain people I would be more reserved with. A colleague I used to work with (who was very open with everyone about everything, and thought everyone else should be too), asked me how much I had in the bank; I nearly knocked him out for being so rude. Just my opinion, but I tend to relay this type of information on a need to know basis; anyone who asks who doesn't need to know is just being nosy!! Yup I'm very British like that :rotfl:

I am :eek: that someone asked you how much you have in the bank. That is so rude.

Telling people how much you owe

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