Can boyfriends ex take money from my wage as child matinence?

Eve2928 · 6 August 2017 at 5:34PM

Hello.

I'm really confused at the moment. Boyfriend currently works, but is getting made redundant.

He will be able to claim contributions based job seekers for 6 months, by then our baby will have been born and he is becoming a stay at home dad.

I work in a school as a teaching assistant, very low wage, don't even come out with £1000 a month. He is going to look for part time work, but finding one around my hours is going to prove difficult when we have stepson every weekend and his ex won't change that! So if he worked weekends, we wouldn't see stepson. That's another issue altogether.

Anyways, stepsons mum has said I will have to pay child matience out of my wage. I said no way! I have no legal duty towards stepson. And if the government say boyfriend is only entitled to 6 months benefits, he's going to have no wage.

I only get 6 weeks at 90% pay, we struggle enough so I can't take anymore maternity and I will be retuning to work after these 6 weeks. Boyfriend will be looking after baby. He can't claim income support because I work too many hours.

Anyways, legally, can the child matience count my wage and will I be made to pay for stepson out of my wage??

i have no legal duty towards stepson, how could they possibly take my wage?

Apparently stepsons mum has looked into this and it's possible. Not sure if she's just saying that to make me pay, but it doesn't seem right to me..

Thanks

swingaloo · 6 August 2017 at 6:12PM

Not sure how its worked out now but wouldn't it be better, if you are on a low wage for your boyfriend to find a job even if part time so you can work around the childcare.

How do you feel about having a child with a man who is happy to quit working knowing he already has a child to support? If you were the ex with a child how would you feel about his plans to abandon paying for his first child because he has another?

Eve2928 · 6 August 2017 at 6:22PM

We can't afford childcare, I work term time so get all of the school holidays off. it makes more sense for me to go back to work and boyfriend to stay at home.

It's not my problem boyfriend isn't entitled to anything, so stepsons mum won't get anything! That's not the issue I'm asking advice for, it's the fact why should I pay money out of my wage for stepson when it's boyfriends wage that should count.

We have struggled our whole relationship and boyfriend had to pay £7000 court fees because she suddenly stopped contact, so no, I have zero empathy for her. Debt boyfriend and I are still paying off! All because she suddenly decided for stepson not to see his dad anymore.

Eve2928 · 6 August 2017 at 6:29PM

How do I feel? You make it sound like boyfriend doesn't provide for his son. He stays every weekend, which will still happen. Stepson comes comes for tea 2 days after school ontop of us having him every week. It's not like boyfriend is not providing for his son. Even then, that's not the point. If his mum wanted to give up work (she doesn't work anyways) you wouldn't be sat here saying those things, but because my boyfriend is becoming a stay at home dad it's different is it?

nannytone_2 · 6 August 2017 at 6:31PM

they can't take your wage, but any tax credits can be considered as it is joint income.

you only work term time, so it is obviously better for you to look after the baby and your boyfriend to get a job where he can work all year.

the first child didn't ask to be born and deserves to have a father that helps to support him

Eve2928 · 6 August 2017 at 6:38PM

We can't afford childcare when I'm at work. That's the point I'm making. Boyfriend would be working for nothing, and I told him when I met him I wasn't giving up my job when we have children, but as if happens he's been made redundant so is in the position to be a stay at home dad, as the childcare would be so much.

We tried to arrange different days with stepsons mum, I.e. not every weekend so boyfriend could work 2 weekends of the month, but stepsons mum said no. This was what his job currently offered us. But he declined and took redundancy as that meant we wouldn't see stepson if boyfriend worked those hours. Also his mum wouldn't agree to change days we get stepson for tea. So that leaves boyfriend in a very difficult position to find another job anyways!

swingaloo · 6 August 2017 at 6:39PM

We had to sell our home to pay the court fees for exactly the same reason so I have been there but my partner never ever missed a payment.

If his ex works or not is irrelevant. It takes 2 people to make a child so 2 should provide for it. In our case we worked as a couple and many times I contributed to his payments.

Its not about having no sympathy for his ex, its about paying towards his child. To be quite blunt- if he cant afford to support the child he has then its irresponsible to be having another. In a couple of years time you may be posting on here that 'my ex wont help support his child'.

nannytone_2 · 6 August 2017 at 6:47PM

so even though your job is part time and low paid .... you WONT give it up in order for your boyfriend yo get a full time job to support you and both of his children?

you say the step sons mother is unreasonable ...
i suggest you take a look at yourself.

you are deliberately depriving both your child and your boyfriends son of financial support because of what YOU want.

ud suggest its time to grow up a little. parents have to do what they need to do, rather than just what suits them

Topcat1982 · 6 August 2017 at 6:50PM

Anyways, legally, can the child matience count my wage and will I be made to pay for stepson out of my wage??

No. But they will take it out of his JSA and any other benefits you get

zagfles · 6 August 2017 at 6:56PM

nannytone wrote: »

they can't take your wage, but any tax credits can be considered as it is joint income.

you only work term time, so it is obviously better for you to look after the baby and your boyfriend to get a job where he can work all year.

the first child didn't ask to be born and deserves to have a father that helps to support him

He could offer to look after his first child together with his new child, and his ex could get a job. It's the 21st century, why should his ex get to be a SAHP without all the moralising, but not him?

A friend of mine did the exact same thing, he became a SAHP and loved it, he paid his ex only a trivial amount in child maintenance but offered to share care 50/50 or even become the main carer if she wanted to get a job. She wasn't keen at first but after a while she got a job and he became the main carer.

But for some reason he felt bad about claiming child maintenance off her, so he didn't Some sexist attitiudes die hard!

zagfles · 6 August 2017 at 6:59PM

Topcat1982 wrote: »

No. But they will take it out of his JSA and any other benefits you get

But it'll only be a trivial amount.

Can boyfriends ex take money from my wage as child matinence?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free