Frivolous, ageing parent - financial advice

124

Comments

  • nyermen
    nyermen Posts: 1,093 Forumite
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    Can I take a side step and note two things - I don't think they're mentioned in the thread:
    1) Would you consider this a change in behaviour? I'm concerned she may have something like depression. Not sure how i'd react to a big change in circumstances - eg. If she's been employed all her life and suddenly finds herself in this situation, she's struggling to adapt hence the spending?
    2) What also concerns me is if she spends the 50k before pension age, she may well not get any JSA (/Universal Credit equivalent) before she hits retirement age - due to rules of deprivation of capital. But many of the more knowledgeable dwellers here can confirm this.
    Peter

    Debt free - finally finished paying off £20k + Interest.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,093 Community Admin
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    Fledgling40 wrote: »
    I struggle to understand all the negativity around the concept of ageing and me pointing it out

    I agree that "ageing" really just means getting older, and as you say, we are all ageing from the moment we are born.
    But the expression "ageing parent" popularly means two things:
    a) being a lot older than your mother - 70/80/90, and
    b) having problems coping, physically or mentally, or beginning to show signs of developing problems.

    Using it of someone aged 55 who is fit, active, has some financial security, and knows what she wants, is frankly patronising. If you can't see that then you need to tread very carefully indeed in tackling her about your perception of "the problem".
  • badmemory
    badmemory Posts: 7,788 Forumite
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    Have you reminded your mother that she CAN claim JSA even though she has savings. Many people are told you can't, but she can get 6 months contributions based (not sure what happens if it is now UC though).

    Also did she relocate to help with looking after grandchildren? If so, then she can get NI credits for that which will help add to her years of state pension entitlement.
  • Fledgling40
    Fledgling40 Posts: 6 Forumite
    Thanks for clarifying your opinion Clifford, sadly its irrelevant and entirely unhelpful to my original post. If you don’t like the thread, don’t read it.

    In amongst the very helpful and practical replies there’s a LOT of projection.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,093 Community Admin
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    Fledgling40 wrote: »
    If you don’t like the thread, don’t read it.
    .


    If you don't like the warning, don't heed it.
  • Malthusian
    Malthusian Posts: 10,936 Forumite
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    Fledgling40 wrote: »
    In amongst the very helpful and practical replies there’s a LOT of projection.

    Said the guy projecting his priorities and insecurities onto his financially independent, fully compos mentis, middle-aged mother.
  • Mr_Costcutter
    Mr_Costcutter Posts: 391 Forumite
    [QUOTE=Fledgling40;7339609



    I’m really worried about her. ?[/QUOTE]

    I wonder if your mother realises just how much you are concerned about her situation. Maybe it would be worth talking to your mother again, explaining the reasons as to why you are so worried.
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,508 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    It does not look like it is a matter of money, it does look like the matter of relationship - OP does not seem to know the numbers but is referring to the mother teasing them she would move with them of she is broke.
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • BobQ
    BobQ Posts: 11,181 Forumite
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    edited 13 November 2017 at 11:34PM
    Fledgling40 wrote: »
    Thanks for clarifying your opinion Clifford, sadly its irrelevant and entirely unhelpful to my original post. If you don’t like the thread, don’t read it.

    In amongst the very helpful and practical replies there’s a LOT of projection.

    The nature of opinions expressed in response to YOUR post should not surprise you. Your OP suggests you lack the full facts and by your own omission the knowledge of retirement planning.

    So your mother could be as frivolous as you say because she does not know what she is doing, or she could be quite canny and simply not willing to tell you her financial business. We do not know.

    And you could be the most caring and concerned son there has ever been, or you could simply be wanting to stop her enjoying herself and wanting to protect your inheritance. We do not know.

    If you ask for facts you will get better answers but if you start asking if Mum knows what she is doing you invite all sorts of opinions that fit these vague facts.
    Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are incapable of forming such opinions.
  • badmemory
    badmemory Posts: 7,788 Forumite
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    Fledgling40 wrote: »
    and she’ll often provocatively tell me she’ll just move into mine.

    Having read this I suspect she may have realised your negative opinion of her & is "yanking your chain".
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