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  • FIRST POST
    jackbauer1
    name change help
    • #1
    • 4th May 12, 7:05 PM
    name change help 4th May 12 at 7:05 PM
    i know this isnt technically child support related, but my ex has had a great idea that she wants all her kids to have the same surname...hers, i have said no to this and she decided to see her solicitor, he said she has hadly no chance of success if she went the court route, so her solicitor has said what about a double barrell name now im against this too, i dont want my childs name changed, (she reckons my kid will be bullied when at school because her other kids have different names)

    im just wondering whether she has a leg to stand on legally with changing the name to a double barrell name or any name at all.

    its my understanding that she cant change the name at all without my agreement? but im concerned about what the court will say if it did go that far?

    thanks for your help
Page 1
  • WYSPECIAL
    • #2
    • 4th May 12, 8:39 PM
    • #2
    • 4th May 12, 8:39 PM
    So she is changing the names of the other kids as well so it is double-barelled with yours ? Thought not! So they'll still have different names.

    Depends on ages and wishes of children but I would say she has no chance. Worth writing to the school to confirm that they are not to be known by any other surname than your own.
  • shoe*diva79
    • #3
    • 4th May 12, 8:42 PM
    • #3
    • 4th May 12, 8:42 PM
    Depends if your named on childs birth certificate. My daughters father isnt named on hers so i didnt need his permission when i changed her surname.
  • jackbauer1
    • #4
    • 4th May 12, 8:46 PM
    • #4
    • 4th May 12, 8:46 PM
    So she is changing the names of the other kids as well so it is double-barelled with yours ? Thought not! So they'll still have different names.

    Depends on ages and wishes of children but I would say she has no chance. Worth writing to the school to confirm that they are not to be known by any other surname than your own.
    Originally posted by WYSPECIAL
    she wants to change all the surnames to hers, but then shes on about having her family name in the double barrel and yes i agree with you, i think she is insane!

    edit - all the children are not very old and not in full time education yet
    Last edited by jackbauer1; 04-05-2012 at 8:48 PM.
  • jackbauer1
    • #5
    • 4th May 12, 8:47 PM
    • #5
    • 4th May 12, 8:47 PM
    Depends if your named on childs birth certificate. My daughters father isnt named on hers so i didnt need his permission when i changed her surname.
    Originally posted by shoe*diva79
    thanks

    i am named on the birth certificate and have regular contact with my child and pay maintenence if that means anything in the eyes of the law
  • missybay
    • #6
    • 4th May 12, 8:49 PM
    • #6
    • 4th May 12, 8:49 PM
    Her reason is a bit nonsense anyway, most kids are in complex families these days. It's not so unusual for kids to have different names from siblings or parents anymore.
    I recently had to do something official by phone and they checked the surname with each child instead of just assuming they were all the same as me.
    It's fairly normal.
    Beyond Stressed!
  • missybay
    • #7
    • 4th May 12, 8:50 PM
    • #7
    • 4th May 12, 8:50 PM
    Also what happens if she marries? or has more kids with different names?
    Is she going to go through all this again.
    Beyond Stressed!
  • jackbauer1
    • #8
    • 4th May 12, 8:57 PM
    • #8
    • 4th May 12, 8:57 PM
    Also what happens if she marries? or has more kids with different names?
    Is she going to go through all this again.
    Originally posted by missybay
    ive been through that about 12 months ago she wanted my child to have her partners surname as they were engaged to be married.

    now ironically hes kicking off about her wanting to change his childs name as theyre seperated

    you really couldnt make it up
  • missybay
    • #9
    • 4th May 12, 9:02 PM
    • #9
    • 4th May 12, 9:02 PM
    I guess this is an issue you'll be seeing again at some point then.
    Beyond Stressed!
  • jackbauer1
    I guess this is an issue you'll be seeing again at some point then.
    Originally posted by missybay
    probably, its just so frustrating

    thanks for your help
  • bugsy2009
    I changed all my kids name to my surname but 2 of them were born before 2003 and my ex isn't on the youngest birth certificate as we'd already split. I wasn't married to my ex either if that makes a difference.
    I got name of deed changes but the solicitor told me I could basically call them what name I wanted without doing that.
    Of course different circumstances and a few years ago now, my ex has nothing to do with my kids and I didn't want people associatinng my kids with him as his name tended to be in the papers a lot!
    Quite a few of my kids friends have double barrelled names also have a few married friends that have as well.
    I also changed my eldest to my name 21 years ago as I was a teenager and thought it was for the best but in hindsight wished I hadn't as his father never forgave me and took it out on my son until he washed his hands of him when he was 13.
  • kevin137
    It is all about the status you have in wether you had been married, named on birth cert have parental responsibility etc...

    The long and short of it is, she cannot change your children's name without a court order, so that is school, doctor, passport etc, will have to stay the same, but there is nothing stopping her from calling them whatever she likes on paperwork that is not official... They would just be "known as" and that would not be breaking any law.

    I feel for you with this, it is hard to know what is right. And even harder for the kids, as the continuous faffing about with names confuses them in there identity, if you are in your childs life, your name was good enough at birth, so it should be good enough until the child is old enough to choose what s/he wants. And that is 18...!!!

    I think this is just another control mechanism that PWC try to assert over NRP's that is wrong. You split, so what, the kid doesn't belong to either of you. You are just charged with there care and only for a temporary period at that...!!!
  • Bluemeanie
    It all hinges on parental responsibility.

    If you were married when the children were born, you automatically have it.

    If you were NOT married, and they were born before 2003, regardless of whether or not you were named on the birth cert you do not have it, UNLESS you have been to court and had it declared, or the mother has signed it over to you. (But it doesn't sound like this or you would have said)

    If the children were born (I think it is Feb? 2003) and you are named on the birth certificate, you have parental responsibility.

    So if you have PR she needs consent, if you don't she doesn't.

    Good luck with it. x
    I'm never offended by debate & opinions. As a wise man called Voltaire once said, "I disagree with what you say, but will defend until death your right to say it."
    Mortgage is my only debt - Original mortgage - January 2008 = 88,400, March 2014 = 47,000 Chipping away slowly! Now saving to move.
  • jackbauer1
    It all hinges on parental responsibility.

    If you were married when the children were born, you automatically have it.

    If you were NOT married, and they were born before 2003, regardless of whether or not you were named on the birth cert you do not have it, UNLESS you have been to court and had it declared, or the mother has signed it over to you. (But it doesn't sound like this or you would have said)

    If the children were born (I think it is Feb? 2003) and you are named on the birth certificate, you have parental responsibility.

    So if you have PR she needs consent, if you don't she doesn't.

    Good luck with it. x
    Originally posted by Bluemeanie
    I have PR, i am named on the birth cert and also my child was born after 2003

    we have been court twice, mediation twice, nearly been court another couple of occassions, probabaly be going court over this, its crazy.

    she doesnt work, so doesnt have to worry about money and how much it will cost going court, so she likes to use her solicitor for absolutly everything not a thought for the tax payer, (i agree legal aid is a good thing but it shouldnt be used for trivial things) ive used it in the past when she stopped my access despite having a court order etc.

    the things she comes out with really makes my blood boil, its my fault for having a full time job and paying maintenance to why she cant work.

    she does everything for my child like taking her doctors etc, so she should be able to make every decision. she treats my child like a possession

    anyway i was slightly going of the subject thanks for your help, so from reading all the comments she cant change the name to anything she wants without my agreement?
  • shegirl
    I was going to reply stating that I don't blame her for wanting her kids all to have the same name -I don't care how much more 'common' it is now to have kids with different names and mixed families now, it's not lifes desire to have different names and many people would want their children to share a family name - partly for a sense of belonging too.

    Then I read that she's wanted to change your childs name before to another mans?And now wants a different name...

    She needs to settle and grow up I think!Not chopping and changing.
    If women are birds and freedom is flight are trapped women Dodos?
  • kevin137
    I was going to reply stating that I don't blame her for wanting her kids all to have the same name -I don't care how much more 'common' it is now to have kids with different names and mixed families now, it's not lifes desire to have different names and many people would want their children to share a family name - partly for a sense of belonging too.
    Originally posted by shegirl
    Really, so you would be happy if your kids took another womans name when your ex remarried....? Just a thought...

    if the name given at birth was not good enough, it should not of been used at birth it is that simple. It is a controlling method and should not be entertained by any court....!!!

    OP, you shouldn't need legal advice for this, represent yourself and just speak clearly as to why the identity your child has now is sufficient for the future. I would NOT add that your ex wanted to do this before, unless it becomes apparent that he is siding with her. But you would need some proof for it to be relevant.

    Good luck but don't stress about it, you have nothing to stress about in my opinion...
  • Bluemeanie
    I have PR, i am named on the birth cert and also my child was born after 2003

    we have been court twice, mediation twice, nearly been court another couple of occassions, probabaly be going court over this, its crazy.

    she doesnt work, so doesnt have to worry about money and how much it will cost going court, so she likes to use her solicitor for absolutly everything not a thought for the tax payer, (i agree legal aid is a good thing but it shouldnt be used for trivial things) ive used it in the past when she stopped my access despite having a court order etc.

    the things she comes out with really makes my blood boil, its my fault for having a full time job and paying maintenance to why she cant work.

    she does everything for my child like taking her doctors etc, so she should be able to make every decision. she treats my child like a possession

    anyway i was slightly going of the subject thanks for your help, so from reading all the comments she cant change the name to anything she wants without my agreement?
    Originally posted by jackbauer1
    Not officially no.

    I'm very sorry to hear of your woes. I just can't understand the motivation. Maybe it is because she doesn't work. Far too much time to sit dwelling on things. Did you break up badly? Is she bitter over that? It pains me so much to hear stories of PWC's witholding contact, the also of NRP's who cut their children off and do everything they can to avoid paying.

    I know we hear a biased view on here, as people come to these boards when there is a problem, so we miss out on the 100's of stories where stuff is sorted amicably, but it seems that the NRP's (I try very hard not to be gender specific but it does always seem to be men) who are interested in their kids and want to make effort etc seem to get cut off and it is a shame.
    Similarly, the PWC's who sound reasonable and want their children to have a relationship with their NRP, seem to do a runner.

    I accept the above are sweeping statements. But it seems to be the way.
    I'm never offended by debate & opinions. As a wise man called Voltaire once said, "I disagree with what you say, but will defend until death your right to say it."
    Mortgage is my only debt - Original mortgage - January 2008 = 88,400, March 2014 = 47,000 Chipping away slowly! Now saving to move.
  • shegirl
    Really, so you would be happy if your kids took another womans name when your ex remarried....? Just a thought...

    if the name given at birth was not good enough, it should not of been used at birth it is that simple. It is a controlling method and should not be entertained by any court....!!!

    OP, you shouldn't need legal advice for this, represent yourself and just speak clearly as to why the identity your child has now is sufficient for the future. I would NOT add that your ex wanted to do this before, unless it becomes apparent that he is siding with her. But you would need some proof for it to be relevant.

    Good luck but don't stress about it, you have nothing to stress about in my opinion...
    Originally posted by kevin137
    That would never happen would it -for anyone (the women takes the mans name and unless the man is the pwc it wouldn't happen there either )

    What I understand is not wanting kids with different surnames. She wanted the kids to have HER surname(not somebody else's-hers-and I believe that would be her maiden name especially given as she's single again?) which kinda makes sense but after the other posts,as I had said,she sounds barmy and keeps wanting different changes.

    I know it's not nice for the dads and I would probably not like it either if I was the father,but then my sons dad,despite our relationship never got round to putting himself on ds birth certificate (wouldn't when he was born as had to play innocent to his mother and 'didn't have time' after) so his surname is mine.Which I prefer given his dad has now run away from him (although I do double barrel his name and gave his dad forms to double barrel his name to include his for fathers day years ago!)

    It's a personal thing though,I hate the thought of kids with different dads never mind different names LOL If it was a mother whose kids father had done a runner and hadn't been around since baby days or something though then I wouldn't think somebody was wrong for wanting to change it
    Last edited by shegirl; 05-05-2012 at 4:10 PM.
    If women are birds and freedom is flight are trapped women Dodos?
  • jackbauer1
    the break up wasnt bad, she finished with me, around the time my child was born which also was around the time i got made redundant, she has no reason to be bitter. im not saying that im perfect...far from it, but ive always been there for my daughter, always tried to do the right thing, never ever ducked my responsibilitys

    she has openly admitted that she wished i wasnt on the birth certificate (this is because i have rights, with having PR).She says its my fault she cant work because i work full time,

    i believe her reason for wanting the children having the same name is because she is embarrased at having more than one kid at a young age with different names, (she has always been bothered about what people think)

    she likes to think shes got me on a string and can reel me in when and how she likes. i get frustrated at this and find it really hard to keep my cool, i just want an easy life.

    thanks for all yolur help it really is appreciated,
  • clearingout
    I never used my married name and my children were given their father's surname. I'm actually more conscious of the issue now we're divorced than I was when married but I wouldn't seek to change the children's surname to mine - I made that decision in marriage so I'm stuck with it, whether I like it or not (it doesn't bother me)! I really don't see it as my place to mess with my children's identities - it was good enough a name a few years ago so why not now?!

    I don't see any stigma with having children with different names, or having a different surname to my children. I am often referred to as 'Mrs A' (my ex's surname) and don't bother to correct - people assume, it's a societal convention, it was my choice not to be conventional! My eldest child (8) is aware our names are different, we have discussed it in simple terms - that I am named with granddad's name and he is named with his dad's name and that whilst most married women take their husband's name, it is not a legal requirement and I made a decision not to take their dad's name 'cos I liked granddad's name and my husband, their dad, was happy with that. My son has accepted it and I'm not aware of him having been teased or bullied in anyway as result.

    Personally, I think changing names is a control issue and it should be fought through the courts if necessary. My ex is a complete idiot but I'm an adult, I chose to marry him, no one forced me, so I have to live with it! Hang on in there, OP, the courts will agree with you if you need to go down that route.
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