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[zincoxide]

After having an all out argument with Capital One where my card was used fraudulently - they decided because I take care of my card then it MUST be my fault.

So they passed it over to Debitas who have written the normal threatening letters, so I have written to them asking for the CCA etc. They have been calling persistently now for weeks - so today I decided to have some fun:

Debitas: Hello can I speak to Mr X
Me: You are
Debitas: Ok, can you confirm your date of birth
Me: Nope
Debitas: Sorry
Me: You're forgiven
Debitas: Sorry
Me: ...
Debitas: I guess you know what this is about - call us back (hangs up)

Call 2:
Debitas: Hello can I speak to Mr X
Me: Who?
Debitas: Mr X
Me: Why would you like to speak to him?
Debitas: Sorry...?
Me: You're forgiven
Debitas: Is this Mr X
Me: Oh, well why don't you tell me your name first
Debitas: That's irrelevant
Me: But if you want to get to know me then it's only right I get to know you as well
Debitas: (hangs up)

Call 3:
Debitas: Hello, can I speak to Mr X
Me: He's dead
Debitas: Oh, can you send us a copy of the death certificate?
Me: Nope - I don't know who you are
Debitas: We are Debitas Legal Services part of the capital one group
Me: And...?
Debitas: Erm, give me a sec (hangs up)

Call 4:
Debitas: Hello, can I...
Me: (interupting) I was just sleeping
Debitas: Can I speak to...
Me: (interupting) What, I'm going back to sleep (hangs up)

Call 5:
Debitas: Hello, can I speak to Mr X
Me: Only if I can speak to Santa Claus
Debitas: Sorry (hangs up)

I'm getting to enjoy this now - what other questions should I ask?

[SweetPea73]

WHAT CREAM DO YOU USE FOR YOUR PILES?

DO YOU HAVE NOSE HAIRS?

SORRY, I'M ABOUT TO WAX MY BITS, DO YOU WAX?

Maybe they are bit silly , but it could be fun x x x

[freyasmum]

Just seen these... they may come in handy Fair enough, they are replies for telemarketers, anyhoooo.......

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

[zincoxide]

Some more calls from them today...

Me: Why hello Debitas, I was worried about you
Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X
Me: Where have you been, you've not called since last night
Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X please
Me: But you haven't explained why you didn't call me
Debitas: Sorry
Me: Well it's been 12 hours since your last call
Debitas: Are you Mr X?
Me: What does your screen tell you?
Debitas: I need to confirm some security questions
Me: That's nice
Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth?
Me: Maybe - can you ask me nicely
Debitas: I'll call you back in 20 mins (hangs up)

Debitas: Hello, can I speak to Mr X?
Me: Who?
Debitas: Mr X
Me: And why do you want to speak to him
Debitas: That's confidential
Me: So are his whereabouts so we're at a stalemate aren't we?
Debitas: Erm.......(hangs up)

Me: Oh thank goodness you called
Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X please?
Me: Who is calling?
Debitas: Debitas
Me: Why are you calling
Debitas: To discuss an outstanding capital one debt
Me: Thank you for breaching the DPA - this call has been recorded (hangs up)

I'm looking forward to my next call

[Numpty Monkey]

[zincoxide]

Just had another one

Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X please?
Me: Maybe
Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth?
Me: 25/12/00
Debitas: Sorry
Me: 25/12/00 - I am Jesus
Debitas: Sorry
Me: That's Ok, I forgive all sins
Debitas: Is this Mr X
Me: You are speaking to Jesus
Debitas: Urm.....(hangs up)

[zincoxide]

Just had another 2 - immediately after each other!!

Me: Hello, Napolean Bonepart speaking
Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X
Me: No, you're speaking to Napolean Bonepart
Debitas: Is Mr X there?
Me: Yes, he's being sedated, I am Napolean
Debitas: Can you ask Mr X to call us
Me: Do you speak French
Debitas: Erm, No
Me: pourquoi vous n'allez pas bâton votre tête vers le haut de votre fond (why don't you go stick your head up your bottom)
Debitas: Sorry, I don't speak French
Me: I AM NAPOLEAN!!
Debitas: .... (hangs up)

Me: Hello, Mr X speaking
Debitas: Is that Mr X?
Me: No, it's Mr X
Debitas: Can you tell me your date of birth
Me: Only if you tell me yours
Debitas: I can see you're not willing to help yourself
Me: Help myself to what? Are yu giving something away?
Debitas: We'll call you back (hangs up)

[Anthillmob]

i had a complete divot on the phone earlier. a foreign speaking gentleman who when i asnwered started 'barking' at me in god knows what language. when i said youve got the wrong number mate he started really 'barking' at me, god knows what he was saying and then repeated my number at me. i hung up.

then he called back and the 'barking' started again so i hung up. when i needed to make a call ten mins or so later the dopey tw@t was still on the line so i couldnt make an outgoing call, i could hear him eating. when i said hello he started barking at me and repeating my phone number over and over again until i told him to '!!!! off my phone line or ill report you'.

i assume it was a wrong number but what kind of numpty doesnt accept its a wrong number and then sits and listens to silence when the other caller has hung up for ten mins?

dickwad!

[Sagaris]

Keep 'em coming - these are the sort of replies I'd have liked to have given when OH was being hassled by a DCA!
Well done!

[zincoxide]

Just had another one!!

Me: Hello
Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X
Me: You'll have to speak up, I lost my hearing aid
Debitas: (shouting) Can I speak to Mr X
Me: Speaking - how can I help you
Debitas: This is Mr Y from Debitas
Me: Sorry - speak up
Debitas: (shouting) This is Mr Y from Debitas, I need you to pass some security questions
Me: That's nice
Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth and post code?
Me: Sorry - speak up boy!
Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth and post code?
Me: I don't really want to
Debitas: If it makes you feel any better, these details are available to the public on the electoral role
Me: Great! Why don't you confirm my details there and call me back!!
Debitas: How is that confirming your identity?
Me: Speak up
Debitas: (shouting) How is that confirming your identity
Me: I don't need to confirm my identity - I know who I am
Debitas: Right Mr X, I assume you know what this is about, have you received our letters?
Me: Oh hang on, I've just found my hearing aid
Debitas: You are not helping yourself and you'll learn this in the future
Me: Oh dear - are you gonna send the boys around?
Debitas: A bailiff may be sent around
Me: Oh I hope he's the rugby type - does he have a firm bum?
Debitas: Keep your mobile on Mr X (hangs up)

[Numpty Monkey]

Originally Posted by Anthillmob

what kind of numpty doesnt accept its a wrong number and then sits and listens to silence when the other caller has hung up for ten mins?
dickwad!

Why do I always get the blame

[zincoxide]

I'm now sure they are just passing my number around the office, here's the next instalment!

Me: Hello emergency services, how may I direct your call?
Debitas: I am looking for Mr X
Me: Are you in need of help from police, fire or ambulance sir?
Debitas: Sorry
Me: You are through to the emergency services - what is your emergency?
Debitas: ... (hangs up)

[lyndseyann]

these are funny-keep em up!!!!!!!!!!!11

[zincoxide]

These are surely the last calls of the evening:

Me: Hello, thank you for calling Mr X, Calls may be recorded for quality and monitoring purposes. Please select from the following options to continue...
Debitas: (silence)
Me: Press 1 if you are a moron, Press 2 if you are cute, Press 3 if you'd like some money, Press 4 if you'd like to give me some money or press the hash key to get high
Debitas: (a button is pressed)
Me: (hangs up)

Immediately afterwards, I mean seconds since the previous call!!

Me: (groan) Grrrrrrrrrrr, Hello
Debitas: Can I speak to Mr X?
Me: nnnnnnnn, uuuuuuurrrrr, groan, grrrrrrr .... yeah, who's calling?
Debitas: It's debitas
Me: Ok, give me a....groan....sec.....ggrrrrr, oooooucch, aaaaargh, ooooooo, Aaaaah!
Debitas: Are you ok?
Me: Yup, uuuuurgh, aaah, .... just finishing
Debitas: (hangs up)

I'm sure they won't call after 9pm - at least I'm hoping they won't cause I'm running out of ideas!!

[G-G]

Oh my god, that is soooo funny!

I am subscribing to this thread! haha

[wanting2save]

OMG i have nearly just wet myself at this thread!!

But on a serious note, are you sure you are not making it worse for yourself? I hope they have a sense of humour because i am really enjoyiong it!!

x

[creamcheese]

Brilliant, best laugh I've had in a while!



(Subscribing for the next installment!)

[zincoxide]

THEY HAD THE CHEEK TO JUST CALL AGAIN!!

Me: Hulo
Debitas: Hello, can I speak to Mr X
Me: Who?
Debitas: Mr X, who am I speaking to?
Me: It's the burglars
Debitas: Sorry?
Me: It's the burglars - we're just leaving there's not much here
Debitas: Is Mr X there?
Me: I hope not, he might catch me
Debitas: Who is this?
Me: it's the burglars - you're not too bright are you?
Debitas: What address are you at?
Me: I dunno but there was a window open
Debitas: ... (hangs up)

[razorbladekisses]

I wonder if they are finding it as amusing as us.

[V_tricky]

Me too!!!!

Today's been a bit of a waste of a day, so nice to have a laugh