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Screw up
Jenna
Posts: 460 Forumite
Okay ... having a bad day. Or something. July isn't a good month for me ... it has the 'anniversary' of something bad. Every year I say to myself that I won't let it get to me and every year I realise I'm kidding myself.
I'm really tightly wound. My other half walked into the kitchen the other day and I jumped, quite literally, a foot into the air.
I applied for DLA again in April (I have M.E.). Despite the fact I've been awarded it twice previously, and my condition is unchanged, apparently now I have 'no difficulties' with mobility needs (no, except for the days I can't get out of bed) and no care needs (no, except the times I can't stand up in the shower, or chop up food for dinner).
I was using the DLA money to see a psych. I reduced this to seeing the psych once a month whilst the DLA decision was made (couldn't afford to go more often). Now they say I can appeal the decision etc but it will all take time and I'm scared, if truth be known. I don't want to be quizzed on every aspect of my life and whether or not I can wash myself. The forms were humiliating enough and that wasn't in person.
It wasn't helping me to see a psych only once a month. I don't trust people easily and it felt weird opening up to her after not seeing her all month - and the slots are only 50 mins - if I don't go every week, I have too much to talk about (or nothing at all as I've numbed out to it). So I cancelled my sessions entirely this week - pending decision from the DLA, which I guess I have to appeal against.
On the plus side, financially, I'm using the 'psych' appointments money out of my salary (plus some OT, some savings, some premium bonds I'm cashing in) and will be free of commercial debt by the beginning of September. Then I'll just owe my sister money.
On the down side I have no idea what to do with myself. Feel like I'm in a glass box and very distant from the world. I don't feel like I can post about what happened on the forums, and that's not because I have a problem with talking about it, it's because most other people have a problem with it. Apparently, anything more serious than being mugged isn't considered polite conversation.
Sorry for the long post.
I'm really tightly wound. My other half walked into the kitchen the other day and I jumped, quite literally, a foot into the air.
I applied for DLA again in April (I have M.E.). Despite the fact I've been awarded it twice previously, and my condition is unchanged, apparently now I have 'no difficulties' with mobility needs (no, except for the days I can't get out of bed) and no care needs (no, except the times I can't stand up in the shower, or chop up food for dinner).
I was using the DLA money to see a psych. I reduced this to seeing the psych once a month whilst the DLA decision was made (couldn't afford to go more often). Now they say I can appeal the decision etc but it will all take time and I'm scared, if truth be known. I don't want to be quizzed on every aspect of my life and whether or not I can wash myself. The forms were humiliating enough and that wasn't in person.
It wasn't helping me to see a psych only once a month. I don't trust people easily and it felt weird opening up to her after not seeing her all month - and the slots are only 50 mins - if I don't go every week, I have too much to talk about (or nothing at all as I've numbed out to it). So I cancelled my sessions entirely this week - pending decision from the DLA, which I guess I have to appeal against.
On the plus side, financially, I'm using the 'psych' appointments money out of my salary (plus some OT, some savings, some premium bonds I'm cashing in) and will be free of commercial debt by the beginning of September. Then I'll just owe my sister money.
On the down side I have no idea what to do with myself. Feel like I'm in a glass box and very distant from the world. I don't feel like I can post about what happened on the forums, and that's not because I have a problem with talking about it, it's because most other people have a problem with it. Apparently, anything more serious than being mugged isn't considered polite conversation.
Sorry for the long post.
Target debt - Loan left over from previous relationship - c. £3700
“Courage is found in unlikely places” — J.R.R. Tolkien
“Courage is found in unlikely places” — J.R.R. Tolkien
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Comments
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I just wanted to send you a big *hug*, and some good karma to help you through...I know how you feel with anniversaries of bad things cropping up, for me it was last month. But just think, each anniversary is a year further away from it...one of my badiversaries I turned into a mini celebration last month
It's worth a try, you're further on and stronger
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up; always try just one more time0 -
You have to appeal the DLA. Did you have help filling the forms in?
An appeal really isn't that bad, I've only had one (I have ME too) and that was 12 years ago, but from what I hear it hasn't changed. They just want to know how things are, and your explanation is just as valid as any doctor's.
It also might be worth putting in a new claim, in case the appeal isn't allowed, and including your mental health problems, if they weren't in the old claim. I get higher rate mobility for the ME, but higher rate care for my mental health problems, so don't dismiss them as something that's irrelevant. If you're paying for a psych then there's obviously needs there.
I totally understand about not being able to talk about it too, my dad doesn't believe that mental health problems or ME exist, which makes things even more difficult than they have to be. I can't use my stick when I'm at his, which means a big crash when I get back. And that's without having 'something' to talk about, so it must be even worse for you.Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.0 -
CP,
'Badiversary' made me smile
thanks for replying. I know what you're saying about the mini celebration... this month will be 6 years so quite a while... it's always such a mixed feeling - thankful to still be here and to be this much further 'away' from it, and yet at the same time feeling like it may as well have just happened yesterday.
Ames,
I signed up to Benefits & Work for some guidance on the forms which helped me fill them in, but I completed them on my own. I didn't include anything about mental health, only physical, I'll keep that in mind though I'm not sure I want to go through the details of it really (at least not writing about it on a form!) but there you are.
Sorry your Dad doesn't believe you, that must be really horrible, your family are supposed to be on your side. Can you just use your stick anyway? He might not believe you but that shouldn't mean you suffer for it!
Target debt - Loan left over from previous relationship - c. £3700
“Courage is found in unlikely places” — J.R.R. Tolkien0 -
I'm a moderator on B&W, have you posted about the appeal? I know how hard it is writing about the things on the form, I find it harder to do the mental health things than I do the physical.
It's really not worth using my stick around him for the argument we'll have later, there's no way he'd let me 'show him up' like that and just let it go. It's one of the reasons I live miles away and try to not visit as much as possible!Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.0 -
Ames - I haven't posted, thou I guess I should. Got the 'no' letter quite recently and just want it to go away, I know I know, I'm sad.
Poppy - the NHS ones in my area can only do appointments during working hours, which is useless - oddly enough, as I explained to my GP, I WORK during working hours. But thanks for your reply, u weren't to know that.Target debt - Loan left over from previous relationship - c. £3700
“Courage is found in unlikely places” — J.R.R. Tolkien0 -
Poppy, it's also almost impossible to get to see a psychologist on the NHS, I've been going backwards and forwards with referrals for about 4-5 years and hopefully I'll be getting to see one in September.Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.0
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