scared

sootypea · 2 April 2006 at 10:08PM

here goes my eldest daughter has cleared out my bank acount so can't pay my bills credit cards she has taken £17.000 and to cut a long story short she was on drugs I have been more concerned with getting her sorted than myself now they want there money my oh knows nothing about this but only gives me £400.00 amonth towards everything mortgage bills food etc and thinks he is giving me the world I earn £ 1200.20 per month and iam looking for asecond job at the moment the best thing is she is off drugs and in full time employment left home though due to dad to heavy about the time she came in 10.300pm any advice welcome
. I am realy desperate my out goings are 1800.00 amonth due to oh damanding things lke pay for veiw sports

Chortle_2 · 2 April 2006 at 10:23PM

Welcome to MSE!

I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a nasty situation sootypea

Well done for helping to get your daughter off drugs though! That is one hell of an acheivement!

Now that she is 'clean' and working full time, could she contribute towards paying these debts? She did 'clear out your bank account' afterall, so if she is facing up to the consequences of her past actions, in becoming clean, maybe this should be something she faces up to as well.

The main thing I would suggest is for you to talk to OH and explain the situation in full. I know that a lot of others on these boards have been to ashamed/scared to tell their OHs, but all of them, without fail, have felt a huge weight off of their shoulders once they have got it all out into the open! You'll never be able to reduce your outgoings as much if he isn't on-side as it were.

For us to be able to help you in any real way, you'd need to post a full statement of affairs - showing all your incomings, expenses, debts (total amounts, APRs, and min payments). As you're short by £600 p/month, its unlikely we'd be able to get you living below your means straight off, but we can make a start, and if we know the structure of your debt so to speak, we might be able to work something out for you!

sootypea · 2 April 2006 at 10:37PM

Thank you so much for your quick responce i took a loan out for my dad m&s 20.00 he died a month into it so i am paying it daughter has left home so doesn't care mortgage £4.50per month joint gas £65.00 phone because of daughter £50.00electric £45.00 CouncilTax £125.00 Water rates £35.00 M&s loan £200.55 Tesco loan 150.00 Tax man 100.00 Don't know but they say I owe them money even though i am on paye

oops_a_daisy · 2 April 2006 at 11:21PM

Hi Sootypea and welcome to debt free wannabee. Well done for posting on here and well done for wanting to sort out your problems - you really have done the right thing coming here and you will get really good advice. If possible could you post a Statement Of Affairs ( SOA ) which will give you and everybody on here a better understanding of your situation. I have put the link to one here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280 this one is by SouthernScouser and is really good. Im sure others will be along in the next 24 hours to give you some good advice. Good luck.

roswell · 3 April 2006 at 1:58AM

no offence but as she cleaned you out report it to the police

isgman · 3 April 2006 at 7:21AM

Well done in helping your Daughter,, however, I tend to agree with roswell

beverleyhills · 3 April 2006 at 11:01AM

:hello: Sootypea and welcome to MSE

Sorry to hear about the difficult time you've had with your daughter. Well done you for helping her to get clean. Did you give her the money to help her or did she take it without your permission?

I think that any financial responsibility for her is now over. Make arrangements so that she cannot access any more of your money or goods.

It takes a bit of time and courage to get your SOA and other problems written down. Keep going. Members are very patience and will support you all the way.

Good luck bh

jakemuk · 3 April 2006 at 11:09AM

report her to police why should you pay, she stole it, shes got clean which is great, but time to face the music 17K is alot to steal, Your not showing her the rite way by struggling yourself to pay it for her

climbgirl · 3 April 2006 at 11:14AM

roswell wrote:

no offence but as she cleaned you out report it to the police

While I agree with the whole 'tough love' approach, if you've given your daughter access to your accounts and pin-numbers, it's not exactly stealing (even if she knew it wasn't hers to take) and the police aren't going to be able to do a lot about it. So I don't see how that's really going to help in this case.

Post your full SOA - list all your outgoings (expenses), your income (include any benefits, tax credits etc), and your debts - including the amount owing, APRs etc. It'll be easier for people here to help you if they have the full facts!

lynzpower · 3 April 2006 at 11:27AM

just to add my little wave to you sootypea, welcome, sounds like youve had a right old tough time of it, do post your SOAs and we will do our very best to help xx

frosty · 3 April 2006 at 12:45PM

If your daughter is working full time then why cant she start paying back what she has stolen from you?
If your short every month by a couple of hunded pounds maybe she should make up the shortfall.
This money did not belong to her and she needs to repay you.

scared

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