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[Nytehawk]

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 25 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.

Your wife has a 18 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.

The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

[Nytehawk]

Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and bull**** with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?


Signed: Clueless


Dear Clueless:



Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore!

You're a Senator from New York running for President of the United States.

Act like one.

[MothballsWallet]

Ah yes, George W Bush - perhaps one of the few people in history to ever fail an IQ test...

[wurzelsar]

:t :t :t :d

[Nytehawk]

Nike have bought out a new set of skin tight ladies lycra leggings for jogging. They have called them "mumbles"......
Its because you can see the lips moving but cant understand what they are saying..........

[wurzelsar]

You are so naughty!


Nighty night Mazz. xxx

[welshdeedee]

Good one, I think!!

[welshdeedee]

We have a lovely Receptionist in our surgery

[Stephen Leak]

I am going to use that one some day, I've promised myself.

[Fruitcake]

I love reading Bushisms, even if they are not all true. My favourite is his comment about the Palestinians and Israelis.
"Why can't they get together and sort out their differences like good Christians?"

[reheat]

Originally Posted by Fruitcake

I love reading Bushisms, even if they are not all true. My favourite is his comment about the Palestinians and Israelis.
"Why can't they get together and sort out their differences like good Christians?"

He never fails to deliver!

[reheat]

No doubt it's been spoken of here before, but when George W Bush moved into the White House, apparently the outgoing administration had stolen the letter "W" off all the keyboards .

[cjbjb]

Thank you for that, it has made my day

[keelyjrs]

Hilarious!!! I'm sure it will tickle hubby too when he gets home.

I always politely tell the receptionsit that I'd prefer not to disclose that kind of personal information to an junqualified healthcare professional.. they usually stutter a bit and then ask if I think it is an emergency lol Some are more persisitent in trying to find out but they won't get it out of me... I mena they are just there to book appointments for goodness sake!

[Nytehawk]

Originally Posted by welshdeedee

We have a lovely Receptionist in our surgery

creep

[Nytehawk]

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
"Yes I am" replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't." The preacher, shocked at the ans wer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I have not found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

[snails's pace]

[snails's pace]

[Nytehawk]

Mr connery bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a night.

Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.


After the show, Cilla says,

'Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer.

Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun.
So they went back to her place and got comfortable



After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.

Afterwards, Sean says, 'If you think that was good,

let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex.

But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand'.
Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says 'Okay'.

He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before.

Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful.

But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to.......'

'I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun'.
Cilla complies with the routine.

The results this time are absolutely mind blowing.

Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks

'Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand

and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?'

Sean replies, 'No, not at all Cilla,



but the last time I shlept with a scouser,
the !!!!! stole ma wallet !'

[Mistyang]

lol...good un Mazz