I work for my s/trader husband, how do i account for my wages?? tax implications

I hope you are not getting too confused. I like to think I know a lot about Income Tax. In my days as an Inspector of Taxes that is all we dealt with. However, you tend to pick up a thing or two about the other issues like National Insurance, contracts of employment etc on the way. However, a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing but its your financial well being, not mine, that is at stake.
Your present set up seems to be that your husband is self-employed as a builder and you are employed by him as an office worker/ secretary.
If you wished, you and your husband could enter into a partnership like Lifeisbutadream. But, if I recall other threads on this site correctly, her and her husband’s partnership employ a number of employees and some contractors as well. In those circumstances it will be more acceptable to the taxman that a partnership exists. I assume that your circumstances are that your husband goes out and does all the grafting and that he employs no-one apart from you. In those circumstances, the real source of income is your husband’s skill, expertise and labour. A partnership could exist but, to the taxman, it will look like a front.
I think you are probably right to regard yourself as an employee of your husband’s business.
As regards a contract of employment I am really confident that in English law a contract is a legally binding agreement but it can be an agreement in writing or a verbal agreement. The only exception to that is that contracts for the transfer of land must be in writing. So there is absolutely nothing wrong in stating that you have a verbal contract of employment with your husband. Obviously, if you are questioned about your verbal contract of employment you and your husband should be able to give consistent answers.
Your explanation of the way your wages are paid makes sense to me but I think you would be wise to ensure consistency. If your wage is £100.00 per week make sure that £100.00 per week leaves the business bank account As you have your own bank account I think your wages should be paid regularly into that account. Once the money is in your personal account there is nothing to stop you transferring the money to your joint account. If your wage is sometimes put into your account but sometimes paid into your joint account that is not a normal employer/ employee relationship.
Turning now to “minimum wage” I think the reality in life today is that lots of employees do unpaid work for their employers. I certainly did it as a taxman and so did most of my colleagues.
Bearing in mind that your contract of employment with your husband is a verbal contract all you really have to do is ensure that the amounts you are paid are reasonable. He really can’t pay you £50.00 per hour for 2 hours a week but if he pays you minimum rate for 20 per week, what is wrong with that?
National Insurance is my real fall down point. I gather that if your husband’s business pays you enough to merit both you paying employees contributions and your husband’s business paying employer’s contributions then you could get a good deal if you go off sick or on maternity leave.
Is it worth it? I really don’t know but I just get the feeling that the answer for you is that your husband’s business should pay you a wage that makes sure that no tax or Nics have to be paid