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    • Former MSE Wendy
    • By Former MSE Wendy 24th Jun 08, 3:23 PM
    • 868Posts
    • 1,782Thanks
    Former MSE Wendy
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should you foot the bridesmaid bill?
    • #1
    • 24th Jun 08, 3:23 PM
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should you foot the bridesmaid bill? 24th Jun 08 at 3:23 PM
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

    Should you foot the bridesmaid bill?

    Your daughter has been asked to be bridesmaid and is very excited about getting to look like a princess for the day. Yet, since you agreed the couple have told you they're expecting you to pay for a specific outfit which is above your budget and isnít really something your daughter would wear again. The couple have booked a posh reception so it's not as though they're desperate to cut costs. Should you foot the bridesmaid bill?

    Click reply to have your say.

    Previous MMDs:
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    Should Heather take the money and run?

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    Last edited by Former MSE Wendy; 24-06-2008 at 6:05 PM.
Page 1
    • luxor4t
    • By luxor4t 24th Jun 08, 8:58 PM
    • 10,455 Posts
    • 37,880 Thanks
    • #2
    • 24th Jun 08, 8:58 PM
    • #2
    • 24th Jun 08, 8:58 PM
    It is traditional for the bride to choose, and the bridesmaids to pay for, their dresses (which is why my redheaded little sis got shoved into a bright pink frilly number by an apparently colour blind bride).
    It is rare that bridesmaid's dresses can be worn again except for another wedding, but there is a small re-sale market.
    If the bride was not prepared to accept a change then DD would have to step down from being an actual bridesmaid, and just wear an affordable bridesmaid / princess style outfit to the wedding.
  • MiniG
    • #3
    • 24th Jun 08, 9:32 PM
    • #3
    • 24th Jun 08, 9:32 PM
    We're getting married and as we're choosing what the bridesmaids have to wear we're paying for the dresses. Seems only fair.

    As an aside, if there's a specific dress, they could try looking at american websites such as TJformal (who supplied one of ours).

    My 2 pence...
  • ioh
    • #4
    • 24th Jun 08, 10:58 PM
    • #4
    • 24th Jun 08, 10:58 PM
    no way should they pay. As a bride 7 years ago, i had 2 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls, and i paid for all 4 dresses and shoes.
  • picnic
    • #5
    • 24th Jun 08, 11:12 PM
    • #5
    • 24th Jun 08, 11:12 PM
    their wedding... they pay... is similar to a question I read somewhere else... and replys came back... would the bride & groom expect their family & friends to pay for the disco, meal, reception etc....? i dont think so.

    just on a personal note.. when hubby and I got married (nearly 20yrs ago) we paid for the bridemaids & page boy outfits... ((I was a nice bride I let them choose what they wanted to wear as I wanted them to feel as happy and comfortable as I was))...

    This is just my opion... please dont shoot me for it...
    Life is like a box of chocolates........
    too much all at once and you start to feel just a little sick...._
    SW start weight 13st 3lb
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    • Marisan
    • By Marisan 25th Jun 08, 5:58 AM
    • 96 Posts
    • 62 Thanks
    • #6
    • 25th Jun 08, 5:58 AM
    • #6
    • 25th Jun 08, 5:58 AM
    I have never known a case where the bride and groom have expected the bridesmaids to pay for their own outfits.Certainly,we paid for our bridesmaids dresses,head garlands,shoes,and hand held posies and even a small gift each of a silver crucifix.We did only have two bridesmaids though (this was some years ago) and not the retinue that some brides have.
    .Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
    • JimmyTheWig
    • By JimmyTheWig 25th Jun 08, 7:46 AM
    • 11,844 Posts
    • 11,384 Thanks
    • #7
    • 25th Jun 08, 7:46 AM
    • #7
    • 25th Jun 08, 7:46 AM
    Up to the bride and groom to pay.

    Unless it's a wedding on a shoe string in which case the bridesmaids could be expected to provide their own "pretty dress" - which they'd have to do as a guest to the wedding anyway.
    As the question states it's a posh reception you can rule out a shoe string wedding in this case so bride and groom have to pay.

    Money Saving isn't about being tight with your friends and family.
    • LoveLifeAgain
    • By LoveLifeAgain 25th Jun 08, 8:39 AM
    • 181 Posts
    • 315 Thanks
    • #8
    • 25th Jun 08, 8:39 AM
    • #8
    • 25th Jun 08, 8:39 AM
    In all my (many) years as a bridesmaid and bride and friends and family experiences, I have never known bridesmaid having to purchase their own. Always been tradition for Bridal couple to foot the bill and unless they are meanies they usually pay for shoes and hairdresser too.
  • IainRWB
    • #9
    • 25th Jun 08, 8:40 AM
    • #9
    • 25th Jun 08, 8:40 AM
    We're certainly paying for the bridesmaids' outfits for our wedding this year, even if it does stretch us to (and beyond) the limit!

    A lot tougher since my wife-to-be decided she must have four of them!

    On the other hand, we're not picking up the tab for the best man and ushers, though we are insisting they wear kilts of our choice, so everyone matches.
    no way should they pay. As a bride 7 years ago, i had 2 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls, and i paid for all 4 dresses and shoes.
    Originally posted by ioh
    I agree our daughter got married last month and all three bridesmaids had their dresses, headdresses, shoes and even tights paid for by us!
    Next time bad luck comes my way..........
    I'm going to duck!!!!!!!!!!!
  • MsChievousness
    I've been a bridesmaid twice and I have never paid for the dresses (I paid for the hairdressers and the shoes the first time though). The brides would never have expected or asked us to pay for our own outfits. If the couple want an expensive outfit then they should pay for it.
    I have to get back to work, when I stop rowing the slaveship goes round in circles.
    • bobmccluckie
    • By bobmccluckie 25th Jun 08, 9:04 AM
    • 61 Posts
    • 27 Thanks
    Me pay? No way!
  • aliasojo
    It is traditional for the bride to choose, and the bridesmaids to pay for, their dresses
    Originally posted by luxor4t
    I think someone was telling you porkies.

    I have never heard of any bridesmaid having to pay for her own dress. In fact I'd say the complete opposite was's tradition for the bride to pay.
    Herman - MP for all!
  • rob2004
    What about the best man?
    I was best man at my friend's wedding recently and assumed he was paying for the suit. A week before the wedding he asked me for £120 to cover it. I was really quite shocked, and am paying it but am not happy. I wouldn't dream of having my friend's out of pocket on my wedding day. It's my day, I pay for it.
    • JayD
    • By JayD 25th Jun 08, 9:18 AM
    • 529 Posts
    • 332 Thanks
    Funny, I thought the bride always did pay for the bridesmaids outfits! Anyways, that is what I would expect, no matter how much it cost. (Maids of honour might be expected to cough up for thier dresses though, but they are grown ups.)

    So, I say the parents should tell the bride that they can't afford the dress they are expected to buy for their daughter and maybe they could discuss sharing the cost. Otherwise, they should teach their little daughter a hard lesson about finance and living within budget and break her heart
    • duchy
    • By duchy 25th Jun 08, 9:24 AM
    • 18,251 Posts
    • 46,601 Thanks
    Not a tradition I've ever heard of.......I think your sister was "done" Luxor !The bride chooses and pays-has always been that way !
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding problem
    • carolineb23
    • By carolineb23 25th Jun 08, 9:32 AM
    • 389 Posts
    • 563 Thanks
    we paid for everyone's suits, and the bridesmaids dresses shoes hair etc. We didn't think it was fair for them to be out of pocket. The only thing we didn't pay for is their drinks at the evening do, and their hen/stag do expenses!
    Although I was a bit annoyed, I was bridesmaid at my friends wedding and gave the dress back, she was bridesmaid at mine and kept it!
  • kamoha
    I honestly can't believe weddings - I am a woman and have never ever been drawn to all the palaver and fuss and nonsense that seem to be attached to weddings, Vegas in an Elvis Chapel is the way to go! I can't believe how so many women (and men) buy in to this fairy tale nonsense costing £1000's upon £1000's.
    Anyway my answer is NO the parent of the bridesmaid should NOT pay if it was my daughter I would tell em "well sorry luv, but she's not gonna be your bridesmaid" harsh maybe but then I am evil, or so my daughter tells me.
  • trejoy
    No way would I pay. They have no right to ask without telling you they want cash, how cruel to do this to a child. Good job I have sons not daughters.
  • hallucenogenic_midas
    Should the bridesmaid fit the bill?
    Absolutely not! All the other guests are free to choose what they wear. If a bride & groom wishes for individuals to be in certain outfits, they should be willing to cough up for it. We paid for all our attendants outfits.
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