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  • FIRST POST
    compulsivespender79
    The Spendaholics Anonymous Thread!
    • #1
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:18 AM
    The Spendaholics Anonymous Thread! 19th Feb 08 at 9:18 AM
    Hello everyone,

    I've been around this forum for a few weeks now, I've just started a Debt Management Plan with CCCS, and it seems to be going OK so far. Apart from the one thing that got me here in the first place - I SPEND MONEY!
    I can't help it, it's like some ridiculous compulsion. Here I am, not three weeks into the month and with not a penny to my name (but fortunately a very understanding boyfriend). Even when I'm down to the last few quid in my purse I spend it on something stupid. On Saturday I bought a £5 cutlery drainer, why? I didn't need it. I recognise that I have a problem, but don't know how to stop it.
    I kid myself that I'm doing well, and that I'm now working towards clearing my debts. But until I get over this problem I'm just going to be in exactly the same position as before.

    Today, I'm going to try and turn a new leaf. But I need some help. I need to understand why I see money the way I do. Why do I feel it's so important to waste my money on yet another piece of useless crap?

    So, I've started this thread for anyone else out there like me, or who used to be like me. Please join me if you are a "compulsive spender" like me, and please join me if you can impart any words of wisdom to help me, and others, break this cycle of behaviour.

    Thank you for reading,

    CSx

    Spendaholics Anonymous Roll of Honour;

    1. compulsivespender79
    2. tanith
    3. In Search Of Me
    4. MiasMommy
    5. CBI
    6. hitback
    7. tallyhoh
    8. jennyred
    9. luxor4t
    10. maz3374
    11. poorandindenial
    12. truly.maddy.deeply
    13. rayday2
    14. georgiasmum
    15. skintbutsmiling01
    16. Lelc
    17. teresa2406
    18. shawtj2
    19. Gemmzie
    20. madge7
    21. Little Chicken
    22. donteatthat
    23. RoxieW
    24. Lemon Tree
    25. GemGems
    26. Puzzledbubbles
    27. moneydesperatex
    28. Buffythedebtslayer
    29. mcrfan
    30. moneysavingmumofone
    31. got-it-spend-it
    32. Paranoid124
    33. heyjustme
    34. RapidMongman
    35. magni
    36. onamission
    37. sohurt
    38. judi24
    39. Little Miss Shopaholic
    40. heppy23
    41. Gingerish
    42. Loopylu36
    43. smiffy85
    44. icklemissus
    45. ailsajayne27
    46. nomorecredit
    47. HairyHandofDartmoor
    48. Ches
    49. Mille2008
    50. binnie
    51. Savingmore
    52. tjo08
    53. xtessxx
    54. geri1965
    55. Reformed Shophaholic
    56. storm
    57. fritzbrain
    58. kiiabby
    59. EmptyPurse
    60. archers addict

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    Last edited by Former MSE Wendy; 24-06-2008 at 7:03 PM. Reason: Numbers!
    LBM: 14.01.08 - Debt at 25.04.08: £7420.9
    25.06.10: 3200.00 I'm over half way there!!!
    'Spendaholics Anonymous' Thread Member No 1
    DMP Mutual Support Thread Member No 113
Page 1
    • tanith
    • By tanith 19th Feb 08, 9:22 AM
    • 7,982 Posts
    • 8,589 Thanks
    tanith
    • #2
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:22 AM
    • #2
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:22 AM
    Hi CS, its good that you recognise you have a problem and well done for wanting to tackle it....
    The best bit of advice I can give you is to try and simply avoid going to places where you are tempted to spend... I have friends whose sole purpose at the weekend is to go out 'looking' round the shops... if you truly do not need anything then stay home or go somewhere that doesn't have shops...
    #6 of the SKI-ers Club

    "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke
  • In Search Of Me
    • #3
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:23 AM
    • #3
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:23 AM
    great thread CS! I think many of us can say the same! I do so well & then !!!! it up with something stupid & unecessary!! I'm much better than I was but still do, and suspect always will, get a buzz from spending! Now I try when I getthe "panic urge" to research more so by the time I get it, if I do get it, I know its the cheapest I could get and often by the time I've done the research I dont want it any more or realise that its old habits! Not sure f that helps? Can you take the drainer back?
    Nerd no 109 Long haulers supporters DFW #1! Even in the darkest moments, love and hope are always possible.

    • MiasMommy
    • By MiasMommy 19th Feb 08, 9:25 AM
    • 214 Posts
    • 218 Thanks
    MiasMommy
    • #4
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:25 AM
    • #4
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:25 AM
    Hiya, I feel exactly what you mean, my sister who's even worse than me, would give her last £20 pounds to buy a dress if it meant a good night out.
    I think a lot of my spending is to do with my upbringing my mum was a very tight person, and I feel if I spend people like SA's /friends/family dont look down on me, dont see me as a poor person, this HAS to stop.
    At the end of the day I should be looking after myself and not thinking what everyone else is thinking.

    My sister does the old buy and return, she buys it , makes it feel good about herself and then returns it a few days later when she realises she has no money.
    Last night I really really really wanted a take out, but then I couldnt justify it so I just made my own meal. I think a lot of it is about treating yourself, in my case, I always buy the expensiver brand because it makes me feel better more worthwhile.

    Especially my daughter I always buy her clothes from Next, oh now I sound like a snob, Im not, sorry Im rambling.

    Hope I was of any help.

    x
    MiasMommy
  • CBI
    • #5
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:28 AM
    • #5
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:28 AM
    I used to be but I've calmed down a lot over the past few months. What's worked for me is not having the money to hand.

    ie. When I go to work I don't take any cash or cards with me, purely because I know I won't need them. I've got as much water, tea and coffee as I want at work and take in enough to keep me from getting hungry.

    I buy everything on Switch that way if I'm planning to spend say £8 then that's all that gets spent, instead of drawing out £10 then having £2 in my pocket waiting to be spent on crap I don't need.

    I should be trying to break myself out of the Friday night takeaway but I don't want to
  • hitback
    • #6
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:30 AM
    • #6
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:30 AM
    I was a terrible spender before starting our DMP and have a wardrobe of mistakes to prove it! A wardrobe clear out or re assessment usually curbs any spending urges!!! And on the very rare occasions I do buy something I still get a guilt pang...even if its a £3 set of mugs!!! IF you really need something the best piece of advice I can offer is hunt for the best deal / price etc! Remember, you can often get better deals on things via the internet instead of trawling round the shops where temptation faces you all the time!!
    Debt at Sept 2006 £63,500
    Debt at Sept 2012 £24,400
    DFD Dec 2012! (if PPI claims come in) !!
    Official DFW Nerd Club Member 828

    Proud to be dealing with my debts
  • compulsivespender79
    • #7
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:30 AM
    • #7
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:30 AM
    Hiya, I feel exactly what you mean, my sister who's even worse than me, would give her last £20 pounds to buy a dress if it meant a good night out.
    I think a lot of my spending is to do with my upbringing my mum was a very tight person, and I feel if I spend people like SA's /friends/family dont look down on me, dont see me as a poor person, this HAS to stop.
    At the end of the day I should be looking after myself and not thinking what everyone else is thinking.

    My sister does the old buy and return, she buys it , makes it feel good about herself and then returns it a few days later when she realises she has no money.
    Last night I really really really wanted a take out, but then I couldnt justify it so I just made my own meal. I think a lot of it is about treating yourself, in my case, I always buy the expensiver brand because it makes me feel better more worthwhile.

    Especially my daughter I always buy her clothes from Next, oh now I sound like a snob, Im not, sorry Im rambling.

    Hope I was of any help.

    x
    Originally posted by MiasMommy
    I'm exactly the same as you. There were six of us when I was growing up, and my dad was the only wage-earner, meaning that money was always tight. I think you're right, I want to be seen as "doing well" for myself.
    I too buy (bought) clothes from Next for my daughter, and Marks & Spencer. All in an attempt to make people think that I'm doing good.
    How selfish is that?

    ISOM: The drainer is in use, labels off and everything!!!
    LBM: 14.01.08 - Debt at 25.04.08: £7420.9
    25.06.10: 3200.00 I'm over half way there!!!
    'Spendaholics Anonymous' Thread Member No 1
    DMP Mutual Support Thread Member No 113
    • tallyhoh
    • By tallyhoh 19th Feb 08, 9:32 AM
    • 2,161 Posts
    • 2,228 Thanks
    tallyhoh
    • #8
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:32 AM
    • #8
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:32 AM
    I am not a compulsive spender but my OH is. I wont bore you with the long details but I can say that the problem can be just as destructive as drinking, drugs or gambling.
    His problems stretch back as far as 1971 & I thought we had cracked it this time. I have now found he has secretly spent over £9000 in addition to his monthly allowance of £500 since June last year. He has nothing to show for it, not even a new pair of shoes.
    Its obvious that he needs serious help but there doesnt seem to be any for this problem. Its not debt counselling he needs.

    Oh ----- moan over-----XX
    Tallyhoh!

    Stopped Smoking October 2000. Saved £21,840 so far!
    • MiasMommy
    • By MiasMommy 19th Feb 08, 9:36 AM
    • 214 Posts
    • 218 Thanks
    MiasMommy
    • #9
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:36 AM
    • #9
    • 19th Feb 08, 9:36 AM
    your not selfish!

    Sadly in this day and age, everyone judges you on your looks, your clothes all the superficial things.I actually admit I buy my daughter a nice pram from Mamas and Papas, always make sure she nevers looks dirty, despite the amount of choc she has!! Just so people in the streets dont look down on me because Im a young mum.

    I also think its a need to fit in , to be like everyone else.Although half the people out there who shop must be putt ing it on their credit card too!
    MiasMommy
    • jennyred
    • By jennyred 19th Feb 08, 9:36 AM
    • 404 Posts
    • 760 Thanks
    jennyred
    what a brilliant thread. I know exactly what you mean.
    I just cant help spending. my problem is I love to buy presents for everyone. I always go to excess. As soon as I have spare money, I will buy something for someone and I love that feeling when they say they love what it is I have bought. luckly my friends and my OH have recognised this problem and we have decided this year that we will not buy any presents for each other at all - but it is so hard to resist!!!
    what everyone needs is good friends and lots of support - which is why I think this will be a great thread!!

    ps - does anyone know how I suscribe to a thread?? (its ok - found it)
    Last edited by jennyred; 19-02-2008 at 10:01 AM. Reason: found how to suscribe to threads

    • luxor4t
    • By luxor4t 19th Feb 08, 9:40 AM
    • 10,297 Posts
    • 37,132 Thanks
    luxor4t
    I am fascinated by the way they analyse somebody's spending habits on the TV show of a similar name to this thread. At first I thought it was just padding, but then something hit one of my 'spending nerves' and I realised there was something method in the technique.

    Now I try to ask myself WHY do I want this item?
    The answers can be quite interesting (if I am being honest!) and usually help me to turn myself around.
    Usually I'm bored or fed up or unhappy etc etc. So I try to fix that problem rather than hide it by spending - does not always work, but it can stop the waste of money.
    There are lots of ideas on this site:
    http://www.cindysporch.net/

    If it doesn't work, the next stage is to actually buy something inexpensive we will benefit from eg fruit or good bread, or something 'free' eg on my Boots points.

    Failing that, there are 2 charity shops nearby, so I feel like I am hunting down a bargain...

  • compulsivespender79
    I'm glad that people might find this thread useful, I want nothing more than to have a bit of money left in my bank account at the end of the month!!!

    Tallyhoh, I think you're right, it can be as destructive as drugs etc, and I don't want to seem over-dramatic, but I do think it's an addiction. This is why this thread's here: to get us talking about it, and supporting each other.

    Jennyred, I'm the same with pressies too. I like making people happy, but I think I'm slowly coming round to the idea that I don't need to shower gifts on everyone to do that (as much as enjoy seeing a smile on the face of someone I love). I think more importantly, your own happiness is what makes other people happy - I've learnt that over the past few days from my amazing OH.

    Luxor, Thank you for the website details, I will have a look when I'm not, *ahem*, "working"!!! Thank you too for the good advice - keep it coming!!!

    CSx
    Last edited by compulsivespender79; 19-02-2008 at 10:12 AM. Reason: Spelling - it always looks ok before you hit 'submit'!
    LBM: 14.01.08 - Debt at 25.04.08: £7420.9
    25.06.10: 3200.00 I'm over half way there!!!
    'Spendaholics Anonymous' Thread Member No 1
    DMP Mutual Support Thread Member No 113
    • (Land of) Maz
    • By (Land of) Maz 19th Feb 08, 10:20 AM
    • 11,044 Posts
    • 11,457 Thanks
    (Land of) Maz
    I curb my spending urges by spending my nectar and boots points from time to time, or by spending vouchers i made on Pigsback or trawling charity shops. If i decide i want something, a couple of weeks ago it was new boots... i made it my mission to find them in a charity shop and within a week i got a pair of leather high heeled ankle boots for £5 in almost new condition. They would easily have been £40-50 new.... so i felt treated but hadn't spent excessively.

    I think it helps that i am a size 18-20 as there are less readily available clothes out there for me to buy! If i were a size 10-12 i would end up with a lot more clothes, so that is in some small way a bit of a blessing.

    Another way people treat themselves is by being Ebay Neutral, where you can sell things on ebay to buy things off Ebay but never actually spend any real money... seemingly works for some people?

    Maz
    x
    I'm just a seething mass of contradictions....
    (it's part of my charm!)
    • luxor4t
    • By luxor4t 19th Feb 08, 10:53 AM
    • 10,297 Posts
    • 37,132 Thanks
    luxor4t
    i felt treated but hadn't spent excessively.
    Originally posted by Maz3374
    I agree, I still get the adrenaline rush but without the guilt. Plus, I can feel like I have done some good for the charity!
    • poorandindenial
    • By poorandindenial 19th Feb 08, 11:36 AM
    • 4,072 Posts
    • 5,285 Thanks
    poorandindenial
    Great thread, count me in as a compulsive spender (well, ex-compulsive spender - hopefully)

    I have got so much stuff from my compulsive spending days it is crazy. A clear out the other day revealed three shower curtains sitting new in their packets. Oh and I have well over 150 pairs of knickers!!!!! And I can't fit my clothes in my wardrobes despite repeated purges.

    Since I went MSE (10th December) I have had only one splurge, that was in late december, and I was so disgusted with myself that whenever I am looking at rubbish I remember that. I went out with a friend for lunch and before I knew it we had spent over £100 each on booze and food and popped into L'Occitaine and spent over £100 in there too. (I now feel sick just thinking about it although in my pre-MSE life this would have been normal)

    Since then I have been really quite good, yesterday I even went to IKEA and spent nothing except £1 on a hotdog and fries (I know thay are awful but I have to have one when I am there), pre-MSE it would have been a minimum of £60-80 on random tat that I didn't need. Yesterday I went in for one thing, they didn't have it and I left empty handed (I ate the food in the store) but as I was browsing all my 'I want' feelings were there, I was just better about telling myself 'no'.

    Err, selfish ramble over, all of the posts on here coud have been written about me whether they are me as I was (and hopefully won't be again) or me as I am now.

    Great thread compulsivespender79, thank you
    £34,547 (Dec 07); Current debt: £zilch (Debt free December 2010)
    Sealed Pot #389 (2010=£133)
    • iamashoppingaddict
    • By iamashoppingaddict 19th Feb 08, 11:53 AM
    • 864 Posts
    • 860 Thanks
    iamashoppingaddict
    I'm completely the same. I've got a personal loan which currently stands at about £3,500 with a year to go. It was a combination of cc cards and o/d's which I consildated about 2 years ago onto a cheaper interest rate, it was at £7,500. I really don't know what I spent all that money on - rubbish and clothes which are long gone I expect!

    I lost quite alot of weight last year so was buy all nice size 12 clothes, now they are too small but I spent LOADS on them. They are currently on ebay being sold off!

    I like clothes shopping, I love the feel of new clothes. I'm getting better at controlling my spending now purely because I have no money to spend on them. But when there are sales, I just can't resist!

    I think there should be some kind of therapy for compulsive spenders!!
  • compulsivespender79
    I think there should be some kind of therapy for compulsive spenders!!
    Originally posted by truly.maddy.deeply
    Well hopefully this is it!!

    I want to hear it all, confessions the lot! I need to know that I'm not alone. I need an occasional kick up the !!!! when I'm teetering on the edge. (Sorry, mixed metaphores there - I don't really wany anyone to kick me off a cliff, but you know what I mean!!)

    Hope this thread can become as valuable to people as some of the other threads on here have been.

    CSx
    LBM: 14.01.08 - Debt at 25.04.08: £7420.9
    25.06.10: 3200.00 I'm over half way there!!!
    'Spendaholics Anonymous' Thread Member No 1
    DMP Mutual Support Thread Member No 113
  • rayday2
    I honestly don't buy anything for myself, my clothes come off ebay and I hack them down to fit me (short a*se I am) but my nemesis or whatever you call it is children!

    I want them to have nice clothes (I grew up with hand me downs from the church), like them to have magazines, (one subscription each - yes I admit it even the two year old!), day trips to expand their mind (my mum would say we were going out for the day then argue for 3 hours on where to go it never happened - I went to Blackpool 21 times in 7 years and never went up the Tower!)

    They are by no means spoilt but considering I am on a DMP there lifestyle has not altered. I have Christmas sorted with boring surveys which nets me about £500 to spend each year.

    But I am not sure I am right for this topic because I don't want to change my ways :O I find good ways of making the money go further Ty Girlz dolls from USA etc at a fraction of the price but I don't want to stop what I get them just change the sources lol!
  • compulsivespender79
    Rayday that's cool, just share the secret!!!
    LBM: 14.01.08 - Debt at 25.04.08: £7420.9
    25.06.10: 3200.00 I'm over half way there!!!
    'Spendaholics Anonymous' Thread Member No 1
    DMP Mutual Support Thread Member No 113
  • georgiasmum
    Compulsive spending/eating/gambling/drinking/drug taking etc has, in my opinion a common psychological root cause. I believe that we are 'feeding' something that I think we believe we are lacking. Confronting that 'lack' and looking for ways to fulfil it that don't cause any more harm or stress is the goal here. I have been a compulsive spender and eater at different points in my life and for me it stems from approval and learnt behaviours (sometimes rebelling from parental behaviours). My mother spent and still spends like water because her parents were tight-fisted and she hated that. I mimicked my mother for a time until I realised it was killing me. Now I hope I have found a middle ground. Shopping is not a leisure activity, I am always looking for other things to do that don't involve retail therapy. That's not to say that I don't enjoy a good browse or a purchase but I would like to think that I understand myself better and can clarify why I need to shop (the urge is always there) and can distract myself. I guess my point here in this rambling post is that if shopping is fulfilling a need in your life and is hurting your peace of mind when the bill rolls in you need to start examining what is motivating you. Self awareness is the key and by admitting that your attitude to shapping isn't always healthy then you have done the first, hard part. GM
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