Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

    • Former MSE Andrea
    • By Former MSE Andrea 12th Feb 08, 8:42 AM
    • 9,419Posts
    • 22,334Thanks
    Former MSE Andrea
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should Jamie take Gordon to an expensive restaurant?
    • #1
    • 12th Feb 08, 8:42 AM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should Jamie take Gordon to an expensive restaurant? 12th Feb 08 at 8:42 AM
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

    Should Jamie take Gordon to an expensive restaurant?

    It’s Jamie’s 30th birthday, and he’s always dreamed of spending it at La Trescher, an exclusive swanky restaurant. Most of his friends earn well, yet his best buddy Gordon has just lost his job and is piling into debt. He knows Gordon is very proud and wouldn’t complain, even though he can’t afford it; plus he’s far too proud to let Jamie pay for him. Should Jamie still organise dinner; meaning Gordon either misses out or hurts his finances?

    Click reply to have your say

    Previous MMDs:

    Should Karl pay for Susan's cat?
    Should Ken ‘save’ Deidre’s kids from being taken into care?

    This Forum Tip was included in MoneySavingExpert's weekly email

    Don't miss out on new deals, loopholes, and vouchers

    Last edited by MSE Martin; 12-02-2008 at 7:05 PM.
    Could you do with a Money Makeover?

    Follow MSE on other Social Media:
    MSE Facebook, MSE Twitter, MSE Deals Facebook, MSE Deals Twitter, Forum Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest
    Join the MSE Forum
    Get the Free MoneySavingExpert Money Tips E-mail
    Report inappropriate posts: click the report button
    Point out a rate/product change
    Flag a news story:
Page 1
  • mashmash
    • #2
    • 12th Feb 08, 12:18 PM
    • #2
    • 12th Feb 08, 12:18 PM
    Go to the swanky restaurant some other time.
    • AmandaDB
    • By AmandaDB 12th Feb 08, 8:52 PM
    • 14 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    • #3
    • 12th Feb 08, 8:52 PM
    • #3
    • 12th Feb 08, 8:52 PM
    How about Jamie pays for Gordon on his 30th birthday on the understanding that Gordon will pay for Jamie on his 40th (by which time his finances should have recovered)!
    • drewsterboy
    • By drewsterboy 13th Feb 08, 2:36 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    • #4
    • 13th Feb 08, 2:36 AM
    • #4
    • 13th Feb 08, 2:36 AM
    How about having two parties - one for everyone, and one for the rich friends? Obviously you wouldn't tell the poor friends about the rich party, or at least try to disguise it or downplay it.
  • stogiebear
    • #5
    • 13th Feb 08, 6:35 AM
    • #5
    • 13th Feb 08, 6:35 AM
    Go to the swanky nosher another time and take your mate down the pub and get yourself both wazzed!
    • robpw2
    • By robpw2 13th Feb 08, 6:40 AM
    • 12,647 Posts
    • 26,389 Thanks
    • #6
    • 13th Feb 08, 6:40 AM
    • #6
    • 13th Feb 08, 6:40 AM
    how about he has the meal at home as freinds are more important

    Slimming world start 28/01/2012 starting weight 21st 2.5lb current weight 17st 9-total loss 3st 7.5lb
    Slimmer of the month February , March ,April
    • starkj
    • By starkj 13th Feb 08, 8:45 AM
    • 63 Posts
    • 19 Thanks
    • #7
    • 13th Feb 08, 8:45 AM
    • #7
    • 13th Feb 08, 8:45 AM
    Give Jamie a slap and tell him not to be such a pretentious git. Have a big do somewhere that won't rip you off with overpriced rubbish.
    • ringo_24601
    • By ringo_24601 13th Feb 08, 8:51 AM
    • 17,148 Posts
    • 27,896 Thanks
    • #8
    • 13th Feb 08, 8:51 AM
    • #8
    • 13th Feb 08, 8:51 AM
    I know this feeling. I'm trying to organise my stag party at the moment. I've got 10 people i want to invite, 9 of them are able to afford a good weekend away, 1 old friend just doesn't have a lot of money so couldn't.

    I've decided to attempt a compromise, since you can have plenty of fun without having to splash cash everywhere. After all, it's about the company you keep, not the price of your meal and you should remember that in life
    • Middlestitch
    • By Middlestitch 13th Feb 08, 9:22 AM
    • 1,327 Posts
    • 2,431 Thanks
    • #9
    • 13th Feb 08, 9:22 AM
    • #9
    • 13th Feb 08, 9:22 AM
    How about about actually talking to Gordon instead of speculating on what his pride would or wouldn't let him do....?
  • financiallychallenged
    Has Jamie tried - a great site for getting cheap deals on meals out at some really top class restaurants. He may find that he can have a meal at La Trescher at a discounted price
    • ringo_24601
    • By ringo_24601 13th Feb 08, 9:39 AM
    • 17,148 Posts
    • 27,896 Thanks
    How about about actually talking to Gordon instead of speculating on what his pride would or wouldn't let him do....?
    Originally posted by Middlestitch
    Now Gordon, i know you're poor and jobless, but do you mind if me and my wealthy friends go to an expensive posh restaurant?

    I can see that going well
    • JayD
    • By JayD 13th Feb 08, 9:47 AM
    • 529 Posts
    • 332 Thanks
    Well it's Jamie's birthday and Jamie's birthday wish. So Gordon should arrange the swanky restaurant that Jamie has made clear he wants to go to.

    Perhaps Gordon should tell the other guests that he will not be able to come for finanacial reasons and hopefully they will offer to cover the cost of his meal between them.

    OR - if Gordon and Jamie really are best mates, Gordon could tell Jamie that he has given him his birthday wish but that he either wont be going himself or will be sticking to a bowl of soup. I am sure Jamie would bail his best mate out.

    Either way - if my best mate had a real birthday wish, I would do my best to make it come true and I think Gordon should do the same.
  • trejoy
    You get but 1 Birthday a year and you should do what you want on it. As Gordon knows that this is what Jamie wants, it has to happen how would he feel if his bessie missed out so as not to hurt his feelings? Gordon could organise something else for Jamie on another night.
    • skylight
    • By skylight 13th Feb 08, 1:00 PM
    • 10,424 Posts
    • 16,875 Thanks
    Its Jamies Birthday - he can do what he likes.

    If Gordon is too proud to refuse help and it "happy" to get himself further in debt, then bigger fool him. He obviously hasn't had his lightbulb moment and no-one else is able to turn that on for him. You cannot hold your life back for one friend who cannot afford it. (I would be horrified if my mates changed their "dreams" because I cannot afford it. I just miss out, but I am comfortable enough in myself and with my friends to be able to do that.)
  • andrewj100
    If you earn well there is no problem with having fun at swanky restraunts if you have the spare cash.
    There is also no harm in cheering up a friend who's a bit hard up at the moment buy buying him dinner.
    • tallgirld
    • By tallgirld 13th Feb 08, 5:54 PM
    • 481 Posts
    • 321 Thanks
    He should still go but NOT tell Gordon!!!

    but if he finds out that would be awful wouldn't it?

    Actually second thoughts postpone it till Gordon sorts his life out.
  • cazrobinson
    depends on how gordon feels about it - if everyone knows him, they could all chip in, if gordon is shy, then maybe this wouldn't work out so well.

    going out for a nice meal in a nice restuarant, is def. a great birthday outing and nothing spoils it more than not being able to eat what you want, or rationing it to starters only!
    What goes around - comes around
    give lots and you will always recieve lots
  • sarahsimsfan
    New to the forums and I find myself in a similar situation - wondered if anyone had any opinions.

    I'm pretty good money-wise (I look at this website!) but know that I have some big expenses coming up soon so I've set myself a 60 a month going out budget.

    A friend has her birthday coming up at the end of March and has decided to hire a function room and have a buffet and it will be 35 each for us to go plus drinks and transport. Its basically going to blow my whole month's going out budget in one night and, as its in an awkward place to get to and I'll be buying a pressie (which I don't count in the budget of course) I'll probably spend more than 100 on one night.

    Her sister and I are now sort of arguing about it. She said that birthdays are more important than other nights, I said that I don't want to blow more than a month's budget on one night and that I think the bday girl's plans are too expensive.

    Am I being tight/unreasonable? Its not a "special" bday and, on my last bday, I had friends round and provided food and drink and then most of us went to a club. The girl who's bday is coming up only came to my house, not to the club after as she couldn't afford it. I honestly think its cheeky to decide how much other people should spend. In the Dilemma example, I would say that Jamie should go ahead and do what he wants for his bday but tell Gordon that he shouldn't feel obliged to come along and he won't feel hurt by that.

    Would you stick to your guns, say no, I'm not going but ask the bday girl (and some others) round for a bottle of wine and to give her present on another night, or would you blow your budget and go?


    • emily jackson
    • By emily jackson 20th Feb 08, 1:00 PM
    • 1,655 Posts
    • 12,089 Thanks
    emily jackson
    I think Jamie should offer to go to a more affordable restaurant and they can go to the expensive restaurant when Gordon has more money
  • lucky_lady
    In reply to sarahimsfan
    I am a new user to this forum also, and I totally agree with you. If this event is going to cost you over a months budget then you should say you can't afford it and suggest a night out another time that you can afford. This is not being tight, it is being reasonable.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,785Posts Today

5,320Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Have a great Easter, or a chag sameach to those like me attending Passover seder tomorrow. I?m taking all of next?

  • RT @rowlyc1980: A whopping 18 days off work for only 9 days leave! I?ll have a bit of that please......thanks @MartinSLewis for your crafty?

  • RT @dinokyp: That feeling when you realise that you have 18 days of work and only used 9 days of your annual leave! Thanks @MartinSLewis h?

  • Follow Martin